Ex says she would date me again, then doesnt bring it up next day.

[settinuplife]

I cannot figure my ex out! We have been broken for over a year by mutual choice so I could get my self straightened out. I tried to get back with her last march but she didn't want too so I did NC for 2 mos. after that. Then she called and we got the friendship rolling again. She has dated and now has a on again off again boyfriend that she's been dating for a year. I am currently single. She has always had a huge space in her heart for me and told me last october that she is still in love with me.

 

She would do that, ever since October tell me sometimes that she still loves me, and misses me then nothing for awhile, then 2 weeks to a month later she'll bring it up again. She wrote me some I miss you notes for a couple weeks then that stopped. When she says those things I don't say much but maybe say I miss her too, and I have said I love her back a couple times, but I absolutely never bring up getting back together cause I don't want to get rejected again. Basically I just live my life and try to talk like we are friends.

 

Well, a month ago she told me her boyfriend and her were broken up, but still living together. A week ago she said her boyfriend didn't want to break up and she told him she could never date him again. About 3 days ago we were on the phone and she said once again that she missses me, and misses being with me and asked me if I would date her again and I said "I don't know." I asked her if she would date me again and she said "yes." Then she asked if there was anything that I would change about her if we were to date again and I said "not really."

 

Well she hasn't brought it up again since about us getting back together. 2 days ago she called me and was bawling saying her now ex boyfriend was packing his stuff and moving out of state, and I said "why do you care?" She said "cause I love him." I asked her if she wanted him back and she said she did not.

 

Well I am just about fed up with her back and forth behavior so I texted her last night saying you can tell me a thousand times you love me and miss me, but ultimately actions speak louder than words. She replied with yeah, no sh**.

 

She said she has been trying to lead up to something between us for quite a while and that is why her behavior has been so weird.

 

So can someone say they would date you again, and just change their mind the next day? Do you think she is serious and will want to date me again? I do want her back, how do I go about this?

[solo34]

"Then she asked if there was anything that I would change about her if we were to date again and I said "not really."'

 

"Well I am just about fed up with her back and forth behavior so I texted her last night saying you can tell me a thousand times you love me and miss me, but ultimately actions speak louder than words. '"She replied with yeah, no sh**."'

 

Hmmmmmmm....

 

-Solo34

[tomservo]

I must concur, Solo.

[settinuplife]

what are you guys getting at here?

[solo34]

Well, it seems that U weren't honest and open with her 4 the fear that U would "lose" her. By being in a relationship, it is our jobs between each other 2 teach our partner things; in order 2 help one another grow. He/she teaches U, and U teach him/her. U are supposed 2 let one another know of the things that they are making mistakes on. U can't be afraid 2 lose someone, and she was asking your opinion on if U would change anything about her. It really is each others "duty" 2 do just that, so that we can grow 2gether.

 

Now look, when things were going "good," U didn't let her know...even though it was in fact an issue with U, and there's probably even more that U haven't told her that U don't like 2 much about her actions, etc. So now when you're finally at your last straw, U "blew up" on her. She couldn't change what she doesn't know is "wrong." U also have 2 understand that she DOES have feelings 4 him, and it probably isn't the same feelings 4 U, seeing as she told U all that she did about the way she feels about U and her being 2gether, etc.

 

Just know 4 the future that U are her teacher, and she is yours as well. Love is about teaching each other things, about growing 2gether, and giving each other the best relationship that U can. THIS is what I'm getting at.

 

-Solo34

[tomservo]

Yeah, solo, that was a hard lesson I learned with my "ex". I have a hard time expressing my feelings, positive or negative, and I would let things that bothered me build up and not say anything at the time. Then a few days later I would bring it up and tell her I was mad about something. It took just a couple of weeks of this for her to "dump" me.

 

And settinuplife, one thing I was getting at: I think she's being fairly clear here. (I may be wrong however.) She's no longer with him. She's told you that she doesn't want to be with him (Yeah, she still loves him. But just because you love someone doesn't mean you want to be with that person). And she has said that she wants to date you again.

 

Now, how exactly did she change her mind about you two dating again? It sounds to me like she has the door WIDE OPEN for you to step through, and you're just waiting for, God knows what. What are you waiting for?

[settinuplife]

I guess I feel that instead of asking if I WOULD date her again, ask if I WILL date her again. Her and her boyfriend still live together too, don't you think she would want to come stay with me?

[tomservo]

I thought he was moving out of state?

 

Personally, I'd recommend just backing off for right now. Wait until her situation is a little clearer.