I just declared war, oops!

[adideas]

Maybe this gets back to trust but I feel guilty for wanting to take care of myself. My BF and I have been selling a business and are investing into another business that he is creating with financial backers. The money from the sale of business 1 was equal -- I owned 20% -- he owned 20%. I just recreived all the paperwork for the investment and everything was in his name only. Meaning he would get 100% of stock of the new company using my share of the money derived from company 1.

 

When I approached him and questioned it, he said he didn't understand and I would need to talk to the main investors for the New Co. Then it turned into this "what difference does it make? Are you planning on breaking up with me?" So he spin doctored it into it being me being untrusting. I tried to explain that it was just common sense that if he were to get hit by a bus tomorrow then I would have no claim the the money I was paid in the sale of Co. 1 because it was invest in his name in Co. 2.

 

Am I wrong for looking out for myself? Neither of us have a will and we have a son together. I have suspected him of improprieties last year but have no concrete proof. Maybe this is a trust issue on my part. Am I wrong?

[avman]

Nope you are not wrong. You need to have things documented properly otherwise you own nothing. It's not an issue of trust. It's an issue of fairness. You are sinking money into this. I'd be concerned too if I were you.

[HaloDestroyer]

I think you're wrong to accuse your own b/f of fraud/money laundering!!

 

As long as you both have access to the money, and no-one gets hit by a bus, stop taking it so seriously.

 

A war veteran once said to me;

 

If you stop in life to count the blades of grass, you miss the beautiful, blue skies; the deep, glinting oceans; the awesome mountain ranges; and, most importantly, the chance to see any of it again.

 

Is your relationship worth that 20%?

 

Please answer me that.

 

Hope this helps...

[RayKay]

Of course you are not wrong for looking out for yourself, if you are not married you are not protected in this case in most areas, and his other partners may have the right to that money before you do depending on the legalities.

 

You have EVERY right and responsibility to protect yourself, and it has nothing to do with "not trusting him".

 

And, I actually strongly strongly suggest you write wills, even a very basic will (where you do a basic couple pages and have two people witness it) and put them somewhere safe and let someone know where they are. If you have a son, and assets, it is incredibly crucial as you never know. It is better to do it professionally, to avoid loopholes and issues down the road, but until you can do that do a basic one.

[RayKay]

I think you're wrong to accuse your own b/f of fraud/money laundering!!

 

As long as you both have access to the money, and no-one gets hit by a bus, stop taking it so seriously.

 

A war veteran once said to me;

 

If you stop in life to count the blades of grass, you miss the beautiful, blue skies; the deep, glinting oceans; the awesome mountain ranges; and, most importantly, the chance to see any of it again.

 

Is your relationship worth that 20%?

 

Please answer me that.

 

Hope this helps...

 

She does not have "access" if her name is not on it. They are not married so if he DID get hit by a bus, or died of anything as a matter of fact which DOES happen, she would have no claim to it.

 

It is serious, that 20% is hers, and may be part of her and her child's future. She has every right to take care of herself. It was her 20% to begin with, and now has suddenly become his? That is not fair to her, or her child.

 

I used to work in the financial sector, and I saw many many distraught people left basically destitute because they did not take these precautions and were not protected.

[HaloDestroyer]

Oh, so now you're picking my posts apart?

 

I'm only kidding, but seriously...

 

I understand those things COULD happen. It was my opinion, no need for an argument.

 

Yes, she has every right to her 20%. But has anyone actually said that she can't have it? I'm sure the boyfriend has a good reason for doing whatever he has done.

 

Hope this helps...

[RayKay]

Oh, so now you're picking my posts apart?

 

I'm only kidding, but seriously...

 

I understand those things COULD happen. It was my opinion, no need for an argument.

 

Yes, she has every right to her 20%. But has anyone actually said that she can't have it? I'm sure the boyfriend has a good reason for doing whatever he has done.

 

Hope this helps...

 

 

I am not picking it apart, just don't want her to think she is just not "trusting" when the reality is finances are not something you just need to trust someone on.

 

The fact is she can't have it if it's not in her name. If something happens to him, she cannot legally claim it. If he decided to leave, she could not easily claim it (she would have to go to court and perhaps still lose out).

 

He "may" have a good reason, but then he should be telling her what it is rather then telling her to talk to the others. And he should of cleared it with her BEFORE he invested HER money under his name.

[NJRon]

Even if you were married... business is business. Period.

 

My mom has owned companies with BFs and a husband... everything is documented. There is absolutely no room in the world of busienss for ambiguity. Don't turn this into a relationship issue, because it isn't. It's just business.

[mystik]

He "may" have a good reason, but then he should be telling her what it is rather then telling her to talk to the others. And he should of cleared it with her BEFORE he invested HER money under his name.

 

This is definitely true. And it is not acceptable at all that he turned it into something that YOU should feel wrong about. If he thinks it is not a big deal, then you should suggest putting everything, including HIS share, under your name...because after all, it's not like you're breaking up right? I'm SURE he wouldn't be so keen on that idea!

 

NJRon is correct, he should not make this into a relationship issue. Money is a very important issue and it's only right that you take the proper precautions necessary, no matter how much you trust someone. You are not wrong at all. Plus, he should understand since you have your son, and you have to do everything you can to make sure he is taken care of.

 

And Halo, it is wrong to accuse adideas of accusing her b/f of "fraud/money laundering!!" because she did not say anything like that. All she is, is concerned that 20% of her investment is suddenly, on paper, NOT HERS. He had no right do this. It is not like it is 20 Dollars, it is 20% of a business. And the boyfriend basically is saying she can't have it if he won't change it back. This is more than about money if he doesn't respect her feelings about it.

[Darketernal]

I see it as the following , you need to confront him that. 'the original agreement was 20% owned by each of us, so why are you running away with 40% shares?' if he says don't you trust me enough, you say ' i could ask the same by the question, don't you trust me with my 20%'

 

I know he is your bf but he sounds really selfish to me, and then acting 'dumb' when you ask for the money. This is a harsh life lesson for you as this is the result of what you get by letting 'others' manage your life and finances. down for the bf: yuucck.

[Bethany]

Tell him that seeing that he doesn't have a Will and your not married and anything could happen in the future, you need to look out for you and your child. If he still resists, be honest and tell him...that it's yours and you want it, and you want it in writing.

 

I also wonder how he would feel if it came only in your name, it may be a very different story to the one he is saying now and one that sounds just like yours.

[adideas]

Well kind of good news. I contacted the financial investor and with my B/F's input, we changed all stock as it should be -- 50/50 of our share for the new company. You guys are right -- this is business-- we're talking hundreds of thousands of dollars --not $20 bucks. I hate it, though.

 

In my heart I want to believe that he was just mistaken and that all of this put on paper was by accident. I want to believe that even if it is all in his name (or mine) it would be okay. For the first time in 20 years though I feel like I have to protect myself because of the things that happened last year (see original post).

 

He did say -- in frustration -- put it all in your name, I don't care. But I think that was a half hearted suggestion. We are putting 8% of common stock in his name only that's costing $80,000. I do believe that's the right thing to do. Then we're splitting the other stock. It's not like we're rolling in the dough before this -- this is the first time in 20 years together that we're finally getting paid for our hard work.

 

You're right, I have to think of my kid....and eventually myself. I do know without a shadow of a doubt that he would take care of our son.

Thanks so much for all your input and all your encouragment.

[AwdreeHpburn]

If your bf sees this as war make it clear that it is not. I agree completely with almost everyone here and NJRon said it best, business is business, period.

 

My husband has hired, fired, documented against etc., a whole bunch of his friends, close ones, and family members. Its just business. Relationships outside of that arena are, or as my husband says should be, completely separate.

 

You are not being selfish, distrusting or anything of that nature. As someone has already said, you're just being fair. And, like I'm sure your bf is, you've got you AND your son to think about.

 

Good luck honey.

[AwdreeHpburn]

well, my last post came a day late... I type slow.

 

GOOD FOR YOU ADIDEAS. And you've set a prescedent(sp?) for not getting walked on in the future! Congrats.

 

And can I just say, my husband and I run a business currently, its his actually but I work my * * * off for it. I hope we don't have to do this for 20 years b4 the payoff!!