Telling him I want to be exclusive bad idea??

[emma16]

It's been a little over a month now that I have been having this thing we could call it FWB with a guy in my town. It started out as not being a big deal but after awhile I began to have feelings for him. I have known him for about 8 years he is 38 ands I am 26.

 

He has been divorced for at least 12 years and his last relationship was 3 years ago. He is a little shy I mean I have to start conversations with him. A week ago I told him that I really couldn't do this anymore because I was starting to have feeling about everything and didn't want to get hurt or him to get hurt.

 

I have seen FWB situations where someone gets hurt and I don't want that. He asked me if I was trying to be evil for ending it. He is not someone that can talk about how he feels he is shy and I think scared becuase of the divorce and along relationship he had for eight years that ended after that.

 

I want to be a little more exclusive about what him and I have going on and I am wondering if I should tell him and let him figure out out he feels or should I just move on??

 

I am so lost beucase I really like this man and I get along with his kids and his family. I am not afraid of the rejection it's just I need to know becuase I really can't do the FWB thing anymore and I want to give him the option for something more.

[annie24]

I think that this was a really good idea. It's not bad at all. You know what you need, and if you feel that you are too emotionally invested to do "strictly FWB" then I think it's a good thing you spoke up!

 

There are 2 outcomes as I see it: He either says, "ok" at which point, you two will start dating. Or, he says, "no" and then at least you know now and can move on and spare yourself some pain.

 

It's never a wrong move to want to clarify the situation and protect your heart. Take care

[newts]

It is certainly a great idea. You should be able to ask him for exclusitivity after a month of dating. If he says no then you can move on, if he says yes even better.

[Pixiemeat]

Super idea. Hope it all works out for you.

[RayKay]

I think that this was a really good idea. It's not bad at all. You know what you need, and if you feel that you are too emotionally invested to do "strictly FWB" then I think it's a good thing you spoke up!

 

There are 2 outcomes as I see it: He either says, "ok" at which point, you two will start dating. Or, he says, "no" and then at least you know now and can move on and spare yourself some pain.

 

It's never a wrong move to want to clarify the situation and protect your heart. Take care

 

I agree with Annie on this one. Whatever happens, at least you have made your desires clear, and can make the right decision for you based on his response to it. If he is not interested in something more committed, it is better you know now, and leave now before you invest much more into it.

 

Just be prepared he may not want something serious or committed, and if that is the case be ready to protect your heart and move on. But I am hoping the best for you

[emma16]

Well I called him but he was out at a pool tornment last night so I sent him a text message about how I felt.

 

I have not gotten a response yet and probably won't get one until I see him this weekend.

 

Is it that hard for a guy to think about what they really want? I did tell him I can not continue this FWB thing that is going on beucase I don't want to get hurt or end up hurting him. I would rather it be more exclusive.

 

I do know that that in itself will be hard though beucase he never knows from day to day what shift he is working and he is going to continue working and talking over his parents bar so he probably doesn't have the time to invest in a relationship and that is something that I want.

 

Do I wait to talk with him about it when I see him this weekend or should I just move on??

[annie24]

I guess if I were in your shoes, I would think of a "reasonable" amount of time for him to get back to you. I don't know what that is for you. For me, maybe 1 week. And if he doesn't get back to me within that week, I would just move on. If he takes longer than that, pffff.... like you said, how hard is it to think about what he really wants? If he has to think that hard, maybe he doesn't want you all that much. Blah.

 

good luck