Ex-GF trying to get back together, but I don't want to!

[Süsser Tod]

Ugh, all was going fine with my breakup, I had managed to mantain NC with my ex until last Tuesday, she called me.

The call surprised me, as the day before the relationship had its "official" ending.

 

Turns out she had injured her right ankle playing tennis, and as we are not the most sociable people out there, I knew she basically didn't had a lot of options. I wasn't going to leave her die alone, so I went picked her up and took her to the hospital. There her parents arrived and I went my merry way.

 

I guess that helping her in that moment was a BAD idea. I think that she somehow got the idea that I still wanted to be with her.

 

Since then she has been calling, and I accepted to go out for a cofee last Friday, after she had invited me to watch a movie at her house on Thursday. Obviously I didn't went to her house on Thursday, made up an excuse, but by friday I didn't had any other excuse...

 

That and the fact that I felt sorry for her, I mean, she can't drive and has basically spent all day long @ her house watching TV since last Tuesday.

 

 

Obviously going out with her for a cofee was even a worse idea...

 

 

I've never talked to her about the relationship, missing her nor any hint that I want to get back with her, I dont' want to. But that day when I left her at her house she said "So are we going to talk tomorrow". Damn, big red flag. Told her "Don't think so, we'll see" Truth be told, it was quite boring for me, dind't liked it at all, and all the time she was trying to get me hug her or get close to me.

 

Today she spent all the afternoon calling me, I didn't picked up the phone, thought she could take the hint. But she didn't, so at last I picked up the phone. Basically talked about everything, nothing important, and then the same question, "Are you going to call me tomorrow?" to which this time I replied, maybe another day. She didn't took it very well, and asked why I left her hanging. To which I replied, what are you talking about?

 

 

I guess she did took the hint. She replied, nothign, I must have imagined things.

 

 

She is making this so hard for me! I went out with my brother, his gf and her sister yesterday, as my brother and his gf want us to hook up. And I really like that girl.

But the fact is, even taking that girl out of the picture, I'm fine without my ex, I don't want to get back into that relationship. I tried my best, and it didn't worked out, gave the relationship too many chances, and we always got back to the same point.

This last time maybe the argument that made me take the desicion wasn't so important, or so bad, but it was enough for me. I was not happy with that relationship, and that last argument made me realize I had to get out of it.

Took me a very long time to make that desicion. We always broke up and got back together, but I always had my doubts. These last few months were not good, I just could not get myself to love her, I just couldnt feel it anymore.

 

I don't hate her, nor dislike her. I just didn't wanted to be with her anymore.

 

 

But these days, I'm actually changing my mind, and she has made me dislike her. She seems to know what I like and what I dont' like about her, so she has been doing her best to be everything I like, hiding what I don't like. Seems too false to me.

Its like she showing me only her best side, hiding the rest so I can fall for her, but as I know her, I'm not buying it.

 

Now I can see something I hadn't realized. When we met 4 years ago, she pictured herself as someone entirely different to whom she really is.

 

At the same time, I'm feeling pitty for her. She calling me like 10 times today? Man, I don't hate her, I dont' want to hurt her nor want to see her hurting.

 

Don't know what to do. By now I'm actually angry about the situation. I don't want to hurt her anymore, but I don't want to get end up stuck on a relationship because I feel pitty for her.

 

Guess that if things keep going this way at some point I will have to let her know that I'm not going back with her, and hurt her even more ](*,)

I just dont' feel like doing it, as I know how much it will hurt her, but I want to move on with my life. I can't be stuck on a relationship that I don't feel right with, a relationship that sooner or later would blow.

[sidehop]

I think you're making this hard for yourself by not saying the word NO and ask politely not to call her. You're giving her signs that she's taking in the wrong way like you mentioned. It's better for both of you to know that you don't want to get back with her & she needs to accept it.

 

Tell her how you honestly feel so you can move on and she can move on eventually.

[venus777]

absolutely agree, a little tough love is in order here, you have to tell her to stop calling and that when you decide you feel ready to talk with her that you'll call her. it's really controlling of her to call you so much.

[newts]

I would advise you will have to actually say " no I am not contacting you tomorrow and I don't know when I will be contacting you again". Yes that is quite nasty and abrupt, however, she still seems to believe there is a semblance of hope.

 

Please just tell her the truth, you are hurting her more by brushing her off.