Plz Help quickly

[Star6]

Just a yes or no question! Just want an answer whether it is right or wrong, my bf is upstairs on his comp im downstairs on mine. We've just moved into a house together.

 

He used to chat dirty to girls on the internet the first time i was in tears and he said he wouldnt do it again, he done it again and said he wouldnt do it again!! Ive never even dreamed of doing it to him. But it seems now he tries to get rid of me when he's on his comp chatting on MSN. So i just go anyway. But I think he's still doing it. Basically I wanna know if it is right to talk dirty to someone on the internet when you have a partner?

 

We have sex alot I dont see why he needs to do it?

 

Right or Wrong of him to do it??

 

Plzz help thanks guys. xx

[coollady1957]

In my opinion I think its very wrong. If you have made it clear to him that this upsets you and he still does it, then I feel he is disrespecting you. I feel that if you have a loving partner that you should not engage in sexual chats online. Its a form of emotional cheating in my opinion, and very damaging to a relationship.

[healinginnyc81]

I think it's very wrong of him to be talking dirty to other girls when he's in a relationship.

 

I think you should bring it up with him when you're calm and talk about why he does it. Tell him how it makes you feel when he does it and why it bothers you.

 

There are some things that you shouldn't compromise and if his behavior is hurtful to you, then you deserve better.

[Star6]

Ta guys. I thought it was wrong, I just needed to make sure I wasn't being over paranoid! It does it bloody hurts, specially when the girls I seen on his list aren't as ugly as me lol! Makes me feel very unattractive. I thought of it as Online cheating, still is a way of cheating online or not.

 

Thanks people.

[Star6]

Forgot to say we've been together just over 7 months. I love him more than anything, but when he says he wont do it and does, all the trust goes! And I just feel angry and very upset! When I have caught him doing it or seen conversations, I just feel like I hate him, but I don't!!

[coollady1957]

You are right, it does make us feel insecure and less attractive, when the guys want to engage in these sexual chats online with other women. As I said before, he knows this upsets you, but yet still does it. And yes its form of cheating. Anytime some one does something that they want to keep secret from you and do their best to hide it, and is not something they would do in your presense, ITS definitely cheating. You do not deserve the disrespect.

[coollady1957]

Has he told you why he feels the need to do this ? He shouldnt be lying to you. He shouldnt be spending his time with women online behind your back. I just came out of a relationship with a man that did this as well, and it led to much worse things to come, which is what my first thread posted was about here back in early january. So I have a very serious problem about people having these online sex chats.

[smallworld]

*Hugs Star. It's wrong if he's lying about it and it's wrong if he keeps doing it knowing that it hurts you. But in answer to your question, chatting dirty isn't just about sex. It can be very addictive because of how it makes him feel. For a lot guys it can be a very heady experience to believe that there are women in heat on the other end of that screen who want them and will do anything to please them.

 

I agree with Bkjsun and CoolLady. You need to talk to him and tell him how much this hurts you and why. Ask him to be completely honest with you. Will he quit or not? Why is it so enticing for him? What can you both do together to meet these needs in a different way?

 

One of the hardest lessons I've ever had to learn is if your needs aren't being met, it doesn't matter how much you love him... it matters how much he loves and respects you. I believe in second chances, but at some point you're going to have to ask yourself is his selfishness worth all the pain that it's causing you? You deserve to be with someone you can not only trust, but who would love you so deeply that he would never do anything to consciously hurt you.

[Dako]

Maybe more importantly, he said he'd stop but didn't.

Trust is pretty important to a couple.

[Shadows Light]

I agree with DAKO.

 

Its a trust between the couple.

 

I'm not going to get into the argument whether its right or wrong to chat on line. What is right for one couple is not right for another. Every couple sets up their own rules of engagement on what they consider to be the way they should live. THAT is the crux of the issue here....

 

When you said to him..."I don't like when you do XYZ.. and it makes me feel this way or that way...." HE agreed by saying.. "I won't do it anymore if it bothers you"

 

When he does it again..he's breaking trust.

 

Now... do you know for a fact that his conversations are of an intimate nature????? or is he just talking to his friends about... whatever?? is he gaming on line???? make sure you get your facts straight before you accuse.

[ElektraHere]

I think that he has broken your trust so it wouldn't matter if he was or wasn't anymore. I don't think you would believe him. The internet can be the best thing in the world or something that can cause problems in a relationship. You are awfully young to already be living with someone. That in itself can cause alot of stress and strain. In order for you to feel at ease he is obviously going to have to earn your trust again.

Good Luck

[ff7fan]

If you know for sure he's doing it, put him on the curb. If he knows it hurts you and he still does it, he'll never change and it will only get worse. I hate seeing you write the other girls are "not as ugly as me" ... girl, you are far from ugly! His actions are ugly, but you aren't. If he picks some online hoochie over you, he's not worth a minute more of your time. In reality he's probably chatting with some hairy old dude pretending to be a hot young thing anyway.

[sunnystar]

i am soo sorry this is happening to you i have gone through the same exact thing with my boyfriend exactly. i asked him not to several times but he just seems to continue doing this. well i made him promise to me that he would never ever do it again because it hurt me and i was leaving him. if he does it again there is no doubt in my mind that i will leave him.