needing time and space

[redhook]

This for the ladies. What has been your experience when you have told a man you need time and space. Was it a polite way to say that were through? Did you want to see a few changes made? Just let us guys know what you were really thinking while you have said that to someone. Thank you!

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

It could be she is busy with her work or study and need time to settle her things.

It could be she is having some down time.

It could be she need some time to think about the relationship.

 

Well, when she need some time and space, it really depends on what she use it for.

[dreamweaverdude]

Redhook,

 

Your heading caught my attention. Someone that I had been very attached to in a very very short period told the exact same words recently. And i was confused and upset, not knowing exactly how to read it.

 

In my case it was her need to regroup. Her dad was in need of a surgery that no one knew where the $$$ was coming from and a grandmother on her death bed with cancer. On top of that, work was getting very stressful, and candidly i think i was smothering her and wanting more time and energy than she had to give. So all of this added up to more than she could handle at once i think.

 

In my case again, I'm still in the 'giving her the time and space' and its not easy. You want to be with her so bad you can't stand it, but as i was told yesterday if i dont give her the time and space... I'll could lose her forever. The one thing you dont want to do is push her away. This was her way possibly of saying several things:

 

1. Dont smother me or try to take too much time from me.

2. Life is just too hectic right now

3. She might very well be testing you to see if you will stay or go, to see 'how into her' you are.

 

 

It could be easily one or parts of all of the above.

 

Being patient is NOT easy, letting go is not EASY. But i have come to the conclusion there is a time that we have to let someone go to see if they come back, especially if that is what they want. If it doesn't come back, well obviously it wasn't going to make it anyway.

 

The mental mode i am in now is like this and just was dealing with this this morning when i saw your topic.

 

If she has asked to 'for time and space' give it to her. If you dont give it, she will take it. And if she has to 'take it' you're history. And i figure at this point, since I want her in my life... what do i have to lose except some time in giving it to her. Again in my case, she temporarily stopped the relationship and said 'give me time and space'... so until she is ready to try again or move on.. i have nothing to lose and all to gain by waiting. In my mind, she has already 'left' to some degree, now its just a matter of letting her sort thru some issues.

 

Don't give up... but don't pressure. and it hards when someone you love and have given your heart to.... backs away.

 

Good Luck

[redhook]

I agree. She told me the other day I am pushing her further away. It is hard to not talk to her because she is pregnant and I feel so guilty not being there. I have to give her what she wants though as hard as it is. I really don't understand it but I have to respect it even though I don't agree.

[renaissancewoman101]

When I told a guy that I needed time and space it was either of two thing: 1) he was smothering me; 2) I didnt want to see him again and that was my way out. I have only done that with one guy and this guy went out with me on 5-6 dates. He was a nerdy guy that was going through problems and he clung on to me right from the get go and wanted to always see me. After going on three dates with him, I knew I didnt want to date him because he was smothering me and I didnt really like him, so I gave him the time and space thing for some space and as a nice way to tell him that I didnt want to see him anymore. One of my biggest problems is I dont like to tell people how I feel, esp if it is something bad.

[trident]

Being patient is NOT easy, letting go is not EASY. But i have come to the conclusion there is a time that we have to let someone go to see if they come back, especially if that is what they want. If it doesn't come back, well obviously it wasn't going to make it anyway.

 

[sNIP]

 

Don't give up... but don't pressure. and it hards when someone you love and have given your heart to.... backs away.

 

 

I just read this post & it struck a chord with me. About a month and a half ago my developing relationship with a sweet woman "stopped." I say stopped and not ended because everything that was said between us on that last day amounted to "this is the right thing, but the wrong time" for her.

 

On that day, as now, I realized that there was nothing I could do but let her go. The only common feeling despite these weeks of confused emotion has been that my gut has said to "wait". Give her the time and space she needs. After all, she didn't close any doors.

 

It's incredibly painful & difficult. I'm still unsure of how to do it. However, I suppose I can take comfort in knowing that other people in similar situation say "don't give up." Have hope.