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Ensuing Nightmares after a break up....

Taurean

By Taurean
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Taurean

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Dedicated to those that have been broken up with....venting/sharing my troubles.

 

 

 

 

....As day swells to night and you lay in your bed,

doing your best to struggle into sleep.

 

The dream starts....

 

You find yourself amongst a strange new world.

A vivid, clear and articulate world for the first time.

It could be anywhere familiar, or nowhere in particular.

You find yourself feeling slightly numb, with little or no sensations.

the surroundings unfold themselves as your mind chooses,

always with a taste of control, that you somehow know that you are in a dream,

yet not perceptive enough for it to be distinguished as one.

 

Then comes the relapse of your day,

as your mind transgresses the days thoughts and interprets them into the dream.

Spontaneously, as free as your mind and thoughts are,

creeps a little glimt of a mere thought of something that reminded you of your ex.

It comes closer, this little thought, slowly and you are aware of it.

Your curiosity welcomes it with a mixture of unsurity;

You realise you've had this sort of dream before and it reeks of unscrutinising familiarity.

 

Then it lunges and jumps at you,

bringing with it, the nightmare that will ensue.

It bites at your side, frightening you,

your inner world rocks and shifts like an old tree having its roots mauled out of the ground.

You know the pain of course,

you recognised it from before,

you've tasted it during the day.

Now comes the full course meal.

 

You see your ex in your dream, or you sense her presense, whichever it is;

you are now not alone anymore.

 

Your ex is by your side and you feel so comfortably close and warm.

So snug with the richness of Love that edges out of you.

The sensations rise, a bitter-sweet harvest of your heart.

All your emotions erupt and seep their way through you.

 

As the last hold of control frees itself from you,

you are left with no escape.

You lose your limbs and your soul is exposed to the gnashings of horrible torment,

as touching your ex brings forth ecstatic pleasure and instant gratification;

at the same time the trickles of touch from your ex paralyse your very desire for life.

 

You know why you are here,

you asked for it,

it is your fault,

you shouldn't have thought so much during the day,

you shoudn't have missed your ex so much,

as now in the night,

the emotions come to haunt your flesh and to tear at it;

in desperate search of your heart that is now stained with scratches from dirty claws that are your thoughts.

 

Your ex is the most beautiful angel you ever pained your eyes upon;

and the very sight dries your throat;

your blood flows through your thirsty veins and you gasp;

each glance and each token your ex makes in movement;

is a direct assault on your naked sorrow.

 

You yearn for peace and you yearn for Love and for things to be;

you yearn and you desire and you wish and you plea;

you beg and grovel until your body takes no more and folds itself into a ball and in the very end a little limp wind exhales itself from your lips,

profusing words of "Whhhhhyyyyy????"

 

You never get an answer, only gestures and be they waving you away or drawing you hither, the feeling is the same.

 

Alone, desolate, bleak and barren lands that are your world within yourself.

You've lost it;

you lost your world that was your ex.

 

Time so slow,

you could almost see the wind trail off your hand as you reach out to touch her face.

The wind that looks back and spits cogulated words of spite,

before it follows your ex's face that turns away from you.

 

When you thought you could contain no more pain,

you exhale to an awakening, heaving your chest for breath,

sweat grimed to your body and the day starts all over again;

of demons that visit your mind and heart,

preparing for yet another night of delightful torment.

 

 

Sincerely, to those that are in this mess, my deepest compassion,

Taurean

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