I'm back, crushed and worse than before

[Hannibal]

ok so my ex and i broke up about 3 months ago. She started to date another guy soon after and we continued to sleep together. That was hard enough.

 

Anyways today I went to her place and we ended up in bed again. Then we went to campus and she texted me saying she forgot something at her place and asking if i could go get it for her. So I did. Then I saw some pictures on her computer from a time when we were together but she was in another city. The pictures were of her kissing another girl. This had happened before and I told her that I considered that cheating and wasn't very happy. It sounded like she understood what i was talking about. Now however after seeing those pictures I feel like the whole relationship has a taint on it. To top it all off the guy that she is seeing (he is the reason we broke up) was most likely the one with the camera.

 

Anyways so I feel completely crushed.

 

I was wondering if there was anyone out there who has been cheated on and what advice they could give me for dealing with this? Please share.... I really need some advice here.

[LiquidCherry]

I was cheated on by my ex husband. In fact he ended up getting her pregnant while we were still married. It destroyed our family but it was okay in the end. I didn't want to stay with a cheater and I didn't want our son thinking that was an acceptable way to act in a relationship. (ps. He cheated on new wife as well and is going through yet another divorce)

 

You're ex is a cheater. People can make mistakes but that's not what she did. Call her a Big Fat Cheater, she deserves it. Look at it this way, she's doing to this new guy the very same thing that she did to you. And why? Because that's the way she is. It's a MAJOR character flaw. I know you feel crushed but in a way you should feel relieved. Relieved because even though it hurts to find this out, you found this out. People who can't remain faithful really don't deserve your time and caring.

[Hannibal]

Today was really tough. I couldn't wait to get away from all the people around me. I couldn't even make eye contact with people i didnt know.

 

I feel so dirty and empty inside.....

 

Is that how you felt aswell?

 

Please post more advice if anyone has any!

[PassionatePices]

Hannnibal i know exactly what your feeling and going through.I'm sorry this has happened to you!

 

The empty feeling stays unfortunately until it goes away.For me it lasted for a while.I was engaged and we dated for 2 1/2 yrs and lived together for the same amount.The guy she cheated on me with was her cousin's friend.

 

I treated this hump like family, i fed him , bought him gifts and even put some money in his pocket when he was broke.I invited this plick to the engagement party took pictures with him he met my family etc.

 

Where am i going with this ? Sorry ,I never wrote about this ...

 

Anyways, When i caught them that night the I went numb.. completely numb!

I remember once i asked them to leave and for her to carry what she could clothes wise in her hands. I called my supervisor and said i would be late for work.I then called a locksmith and he changed everything in a matter of an hour.During this time i was in denial i simply could not believe what i witnessed. I was also pretty calm during this. I went to work shortly after that then went home after my tour.

 

Those feeling's you mentioned hit me in the shower and i remembering shaking like a leaf thought i was losing control ...my mind!I could not focus or even dial the phone.I was in shock! I was surrounded by gifts,pictures from the party and the feeling was surreal.I sat on my couch for hours paralyzed thinking and thinking but nothing made sense.I felt very empty!

 

Three days later my fiance returns with her mother and she collects all of her belongings.I had to ask for the ring back and she gave it up.When they left and my house was completely free of her that's when i started to get nervous!

I remembering looking at where she placed the engagement ring down when i realized what was going on.I felt crushed, lost and i caved .I felt embarressed ,dirty and hopeless.

 

It took me a whole month to tell my parents what had happened.I just could not bring myself to speak of it.I was actually ashamed to tell them and don't know why i felt that way but i did.

 

During this time i actually was able to function at work it was a weird feeling that followed me like a shadow.

I sold my house and moved back home with my parents for seven months.They insisted i should and it was a smart move.I was only capable of yes / no answers i didn't describe things or get into link removed was a weird time for me cause i felt like i was moving backwards.But during those months i finally accepted what happened and snapped out of it. It popped into my head finally that she did this.Not me.

Shortly after that i moved out again.I was me again.

 

I know this is hard but you have to surround yourself with family and link removed helps a great deal.

 

I did not get closure until nine years after it happened.I ran into her and when i did i quickly turned to my right after we made eye contact.All the years in between i always wondered what i would say to her if we met.I froze that's what i did...my friend walked up behind and literally walked me up to the front of the bar.

 

Whew that nervous feeling returned after all those years! I stayed put where i was and found myself all jittery.The bartender handed me a drink and pointed out who bought it.I told him take back.Twenty minutes later she walked up to me and asked to speak with me privately.I did.

 

She apoligized profusely and brought me up to date with her life.She married the hump that she cheated on me with...had a child together and divorced him cause he ended up beating her. Karma huh...

 

I did not give any details about my life at all i just listened to her and watched her cry.I was amazingly calm.The strength i lost nine years ago returned just like that.

I told her i had to go and simply walked away.

 

I don't know but i felt so damn good walking back into that bar!I could not believe it! Closure is fantastic.I finished my healing that night. I felt lighter so to speak.

 

Hannibal i know your hurting and it's a lonely place now BUT your life will get better.You did nothing wrong remember that.Don't be hard on yourself.The only thing your guilty of is loving the wrong person.

 

Don't change who you are either.

 

Surround yourself with those who love you.Think of your future and stay on track of your dreams.

 

Focus on you.

 

Your in my thoughts & prayers.

 

PM anytime you want to vent or talk.

 

Take care