how to get rid of the pain?

[miserableme]

My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me on Saturday. I'm 19 and he's 21. We had some rocky times during the relationship but I always thought that was normal. He just decided he doesn't want to be with anyone anymore and he wants to find out what he wants out of life.

 

The thing that hurts so much is that he always made me feel so secure, like he was never going to leave me. We had planned to move in together and were hoping to start a family. I put all my trust in him.

 

A couple of days later I called him and asked him if there was any chance of us getting back together. He said no. I felt like I was the best thing in his life. I was always there for him. He has money and family problems and I always thought I was his outlet. I was so happy with the way were going.

 

Since he broke up with me I have been in the worst state of my life. I can't eat, sleep, function. I've been crying non-stop. My stomach feels like it's constantly being punched. Everywhere I look I see reminders of him. Birthday, christmas presents, etc. Not to mention everywhere I go it reminds me of him. I don't want to get rid of these things because I still love him but I don't want to look at them either.

 

The pain is unbearable. He was my boyfriend and my best friend. When I talk to him he doesn't seem to care.

 

Basically I was just hoping for some words of advice on how to speed up the healing process.

[deejay74]

i know exactly how you feel. i asked my ex if there was anything i could do to change her mind and she said no.

 

it's been about a month and a half since my break up and it does get a little bit easier everyday. some days are going to be worse than others. i know this is not what you want to hear, but it's reality. there isn't anything you can do to speed up the process. i am still hurting. just don't do any stupid mistakes like i have. the last thing you want is your ex feeling good about the break up and actually losing respect for you - and don't do something in which you'll lose respect for yourself. it will only make you feel worse.

 

there is one thing i can recommend. buy this book called "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing" by Susan Anderson. When you read it, you'll probably think the book was written specifically for you. It guides you through the healing process of breaking up. It has helped me a lot but it is not a cure. I don't read very often and i bought this book 3 days ago and finished it today.

 

other than that, keep coming here and post as many times as you need to. I know the pain you're in, especially today. I feel for you.

[TheHighwayMan]

That really sucks, I'm sorry. I know the feeling when you start planning or imagining a future in your mind only to find out the other person really doesn't want that.

 

How to ease the pain ? That's a tough question...and I'd really like to find the answer myself as well. I guess the best thing to do is take it one step at a time. Don't ask yourself "how am I going to get through this day/week/etc ?"...but occupy yourself with things that make you feel good and concentrate only on them. It's tough...real tough...but you can get through this.

[PassionatePices]

Hi miserableme and welcome to ENA

 

I'm sorry your going through this!

Some one here at ENA posted this and has helped keep me level headed.

 

EAT and DRINK WATER-- This is not a time for dieting so eat and drink water for energy that will help you stay clear headed and upbeat.

 

TAKE NOTE OF YOUR EMMOTIONS-- Ups and downs are pretty common. Do not try to control them; let them wash over you and avoid excessive sleeping.

 

EXCERSISE FOR 45 MINS DAILY/WEEKLY-- You need to get out of the house and movement will help you feel better and clear your mind. I used to walk 24 miles a week when I was really stressed out. But the walking helped me realize how much I love life and so I began to relax a lot more and enjoy my own thoughts.

 

SEE A THERAPIST-- For someone to talk to about improving your own life, moving on, and becoming a better person. I began therapy soon after my break up with the ambition of simply getting over the entire situation. I am still not over my ex but through counseling I have been able to turn my life around. I stay upbeat, got a job, and made a lot of new pals that I have become rather close to. Its good to help you get on track.

 

VENT ON BOARDS and TO YOUR FRIENDS-- They will always lend help and a shoulder. I am always trying to help people recover from breakups and am always happy to help anyone out (I've gotten pretty good at it) so if anyone needs to vent: email removed / AIM: Dstanzler. In the beginning of my own break up I was staying with my pals Mannuel and Andres crying myself to sleep and losing great amounts of weight. It was then they introduced me to my own new obsession: blues guitar. I learned from them how to become independent and how to think positively. On the boards I met a friend of mine Noor who aided in counseling me through my rough times and helped me turn my life around. She has been waiting from her love for 12 months... he is clinically depressed too and locked up in an institution.

 

TAKE UP A PROJECT-- Something unnatural that you've always wanted to do that will completely immerse you. In my case it was learning blues guitar and I still practice 6 hours a day.

 

GET A FUN JOB-- I volunteer at my college radio station and its a great opportuinty to spread the wealth of music and explore all kinds of bands I had never heard of.

 

SET GOALS FOR YOUSELF AND BE AMBITIOUS-- I am writing an epic poem that I am working towards publication a goal of mine for the last 8 years but my recent desire to outsolo George Harrison, Clapton, Hendrix, Randy Rhoads, Eddie Van Halen, and Hendrix has kept me focused through most of the days.

 

ENJOY EVERY MOMENT-- Sometimes I will admit that I feel lonely but then I just go out and see my friends or my little brother and we'll watch a bad action movie and laugh are asses off or we'll drink coffee and discuss exsestentialism or listen to some Ozzy.

 

miserableme life will get better in time.

 

Keep on posting it helps.

 

Hang in there.

 

Your in my thoughts.

[Mrocza]

Hey sweetie, I'm so sorry to hear about what happened.

 

All of the above are great suggestions, but I know you probably want to curl back into bed and wail so doing crafts isn't really an option right now.

 

The pain is still fresh and you've been really hurt, I'm glad you've found enotalone. It's been a haven of strength and support for many others in your situation as well.

 

Getting your feelings out and getting some feedback really helps sometimes even to gain personal perspective. I hate to say it , but time does heal all things. I'm not promising it's going to be today or tomorrow, but eventually the pain will lessen, the tears won't flow so much and you'll wake up feeling happy because you won't think about only this.

 

Have you thought of getting your feelings out on paper? Poetry or letters to him (not to send to him, but sometimes just writing out what you would say helps) Try to spend time with your family.

 

When you start feeling a little better, maybe you should pack up all of the things that currently remind you of him. I'm not suggesting to do it now, because it will probably be really hard, but just sorting through all of the things, remembering the good times and trying to accept the present, can help. You don't have to throw these things out , but store them away so you can look at them when it doesn't hurt so much.

 

Lots of hugs. Be strong. If you need to talk, PM me.

[red10]

I feel for you - if you look around, a lot of us feel as you do - it WILL get better for sure...but in the meantime, you are hurting now, so you know what? don't fight it - let yourself be upset, let it out really good...but then take a moment, get yourself together and stop because this is not worth it - no one is worth it if they can cause so much pain to you, you deserve so much more - and i know it's impossible to think like that now, but as the rest of us know, it takes time, hang in there!

[healinginnyc81]

Hey miserableme, I'm so sorry that you are going through this pain. It just happened so it's fresh and I know it seems like you're going to feel like this forever. Believe me, these feelings will fade. I went through it too for the first couple of weeks. I also felt I lost my best friend.

 

For the next few days just let your feelings out. Spend enough time alone and with close friends/family to talk or write out your feelings. Cry as much as you have to when you're sad. If you're angry or frustrated hit pillows. I know you want to get this over with and speed up the process but the only way out of this is to let all the feelings out.

 

It's a slow process but you will feel much better once you deal with all these feelings. We're here for you so keep posting whenever you feel like it.

[miserableme]

Thanks for your replies everyone. I guess time is the only cure. I just spoke to him and he says since he has been with me he has lost himself. He is young and doen't want to regret being tied down so young. I was under the impression I had done something wrong. He assures me I haven't.

 

This doesn't make me feel much better. I almost wish I hadn't met him that december night. I'm young also but he was my first love and I'm not experienced with break ups. It makes it so much harder. I don't know whether I could put my trust in anyone again. Not for a long time anyway.

 

Iwantherback- I will try and find that book. It might help me put things in to perspective.

 

Meanwhile, I'm taking some time off university to go and visit family overseas.

 

I want to thank you all for your support. I didn't expect as much.

[07071970]

just try to become a better person. Learn from it. It gets better every day. Heal yourself though, please don't immediately get with someone else though.

Heal yourself first. I know it's V day and tough, but... If not him, there is someone else out there 4 ya Keep your head up, girl, you'll live through this, may be tough, but you will.