Adding a third party into a relationship - can anyone help?

[teaser]

Hi, i am happily married and have been so for 10 years, we have talked in great depth recently about bringing another male into our sexual relationship and have found a willing party who is an old and trusted friend. It is something that we have wanted to do for a while, but at the moment I am holding back just in case it spoils either relationship. We are all fully aware that it will probably be a one off and just a bit of fun, but has anyone else been in this same position ? Can you offer me any advice?

 

Many thanks

T

[teaser]

Hi Swingfox, thankyou for your reply,

This is something that we have been considering for well over a year now. We have a fantastic sexlife and it was initially my husbands suggestion so I don't think there would be any jelousy as we have spent time deciding who would be the best person to ask etc. I guess we are just at a point in our relationship where we would like to try something different. Although when the first suggestion was made I was surprised, we both feel that our relationship is strong enough that we woulod respect each other after the event (which is why we want it to be a one off, just to try it). I had to feel comfortable with the other male, which I do, although I don't think I could do it if the roles were reversed and it was another female.

My husband swears he will not be jelous, but I am more concerned about the relationship with our friend, not with each other.

 

Thanks for helping,

T

[charmed]

Hi THere,

 

I've been in a few group situations before and I will say that while you believe that it is a good idea at the moment, one of the three may not feel the same way afterwards. Looking back, while it's fun, I probably would not go there again. Is your husband bi ? (Though I understand he's not). What if he wanted a three with a woman after, and used this one as leverage. What if the third man wanted it again, what if a once off ended up haunting one or other for some time after.

 

Swingfox is right - tHere are repercussions of these things - and while you are comfortable with the concept now and have been for some time, it is after the event that will really tell all! Why are you on the forum if you are so sure it will all be ok? THere must be some reservations there!!

 

~Charmed~

[teaser]

Hi charmed,

The reason for posting I guess, is that i was after exactly what you have given me, a view of what it's like after the event, as that's not something I can see at the moment. Of course there are some reservations, as I certainly don't want to end up doing something that will hurt our marriage or our friendship. I am almost positive that it will be Ok with me & my husband (he's not bi by the way) , I am more concerned that it will destroy our friendship with the other man, which is something I don't want to do at all.

I knew that if we were going to do it, it had to be with someone I already knew and trusted, but on the other hand this is the main reason for my concern.

I appreciate your comments as you have been there and I haven't, so i think i will discuss this more with my husband before we jump into anything.

 

Thanks for your advice

T

[speedracer780]

Just by your comment that you would not feel comfortable if the situation was reversed is a good indication that you are not ready for this type of situation. You have to be in the frame of mind where you are completely open to share these expireince regardless whith other people and your husband to be able to do the same.

[teaser]

Hi Spaceracer.

I take your point, although we have never really considered a threesome involving another woman, I guess that I would have to accept the possibility of my husband requesting this in the future.

I think if the right person was available (as in the situation with the male friend) and after plenty of reassurance then I would condider it, but as i am still unsure at this point, I think I will take all the advice on board and hold the horses at least for a while.

This is obviously a huge step, which is why I posted initially, I really want advice and opinions from people who do not know us. If we do decide to go ahead with it, I don't want it to turn out to be the biggest mistake ever!

Thanks for your response

T

[kdreger]

I've been in a threesome. It was INTERESTING.

 

I'm of mixed emotion though.

 

I feel both that you should do it because you only live once and it's interesting but on the other hand there's a few problems.

 

1) As with anything in life, as you progress in intensity it's hard to return to what was before without seeing it as a step backwards. How will you sex one on one after you've had a couple guys pleasing you. I mean honestly, there's nothing like having two people of the opposite sex. So you just might find it so exciting and fun that you can't see just having normal sex again.

2) You HAVE to be willing to involve a woman if you expect to involve a man. Don't knock it either. If your relationship is comfortable this might open a whole new world for you and your husband.

3) There are many ways to spice up a sex life if you want to keep from including the neighbours heheheh Sex in strange places, roleplaying, toys etc.. what you have to acknowledge is that by starting to include other people, there will be more emotions involved. Your male friend won't be hurt - what might happen is that is dangerous is that he pushes buttons that your husband doesn't. What then? What if you start to dream about sex with him while with your husband? What if he contacts you and asks to have sex with you alone - what if you're tempted?

4) You only live once. Monogomy is important but so is keeping a relationship alive. Relationships are more than about sex. If having an open one keeps you two together versus going your separate ways...?

 

As well, where do you live? hahahahah Just joking.

[teaser]

hi kdreger,

Thanks for your response, it brought up some questions in my mind that I hadn't previously considered..."what might happen is that is dangerous is that he pushes buttons that your husband doesn't" I had quite a lot of sexual partners before i met my husband, as did he, so I doubt that anyone else could please me better than him, especially after 10 years, but i do think the excitement could become addictive. I hope we know this guy well enough that he would not try to contact me privately, as he is a good friend of both of ours and wouldn't dream of doing anything to cause problems with our marriage, but then I suppose it always a possibility.

I think it's something we will do eventually whether it's next week or in another ten years, as you have said you only live once and life is too short. I do need to feel secure that all parties can handle it before we do actually do anything though. In previous relationships (many years ago when he was young and experimental) my husband experienced threesomes with a man and woman and 2 women, and it is his preference that this time it is a male. He is not Bi, but I think having 2 members of the opposite sex pleasing me is something he would like me to experience as although my previous experience is quite varied it has only ever been one - on - one.

 

I will chat to him about my reservations and we will go from there.

 

T

[teaser]

Hi, Just thought I'd let you know that we decided to go for it (after a couple of bottles of wine) the situation 'arose' as it were and it was a very enjoyable experience for all parties. I think the reason it worked was because we all agreed it was a one off and that we have a very stable relationship and stong friendhip with the other guy. I can't say it was exactly what I'd expected - it wasn't a case of me being pleasured by 2 men, but more a case of me pleasuring 2 men. I enjoyed it just as much though and am certainly glad we did it, even if it did take a bit of dutch courage!

I am of the thinking that you live life for the moment, and I would hate to look back on my life in years to come and think I wish I'd have done that when I had the chance.

 

I have come around to the fact that it will also happen with another woman if and when we find the right person and again if the situation presents itself.

 

T

[teaser]

It was one at each end with me on all fours in the middle, then I turned around, kept on going like that I never gave them oral at the same time, but would have been happy to.

 

If you are considering doing this, I'd advise you to take heed of all the other advice given to me first, I am sure the reason it all went so well for us is that we talked seriuosly about it first, were both completely happy with (and completely trusted) the third party, and were were prepared for the possible negative feelings we might experience (although I can say that we didn't really experience much of that).

A lot of it was down to us reassuring each other too, I needed to feel loved afterwards and my husband needed to know that it wasn't a comparison.

 

Good luck,

 

T

[teaser]

If the right moment comes again then yes I think we would do it again. I have promised my husband that i will 'return the favour' with another girl, but we have to be totally happy with the other girl and trust her first. We have discussed the possibility of another couple too, but we would all have to be together, I could not cope with my husband being in another room with another woman and he wouldn't like it either.

Like I said before, I would like to do it again as there are things that we didn't do that we wanted to do and we were all a little fuzzy headed as we'd had quite a bit to drink. I'd like to do it after a few glasses of wine, not a few bottles!

 

T