spunkykatt Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 Ok, Im not really sure where to post this, since it could cover several of topics..but I think it belongs here more than anyother place. That said, for the last few weeks I have been having alot of problems in my relationship with my bf. We fight constantly, and never seem to solve anything, rather we just find more problems to fight about. It seemed to come to one big erruption over this past weekend though, and now I dont know if there is any hope of saving our 2 year realionship, and that really worries me. Let me start by saying we broke up last Nov. and shortly after that I found out I was pregnant, well when I told him he sent me a text saying that "if I was there would be a DNA test" like I had cheated on him or something, which I hadnt, and he knew that. Then he would ignore me, or say mean things to me when we did talk, so the whole time I was pregnant it was just one big cry session after another for me. I begged him to stay with me, promised him I would be a better gf, I couldnt see my life without him. He played games with my heart and head, even when I told him that the stress was causing problems with the pregnancy. I ended up losing the baby in December. Well we ended up getting back together, and I was trying to not invade his privacy, etc...but I knew that he had been chatting alot after we broke up and continued to do so after we got back together. Well I knew he had also started chatting to one of his ex girlfriends again too, and I asked if he had told her anything about us breaking up, or our relationship etc..he said no he hadnt. A few weeks later when I was at his house he got a IM from her, but he wouldnt talk to her, so I told him that I was going to if he didnt..so he responded to her. For some reason I felt in my gut he hadnt been honest with me about not talking about our relationship, so I called him on it. I said well if you hadnt told her anything about us, then ask her if she knows you have a girlfriend...and her response was "You told me that you guys had broken up"...that hurt me so much. I was right though..btw it wasnt the first time I had caught him in a lie about a ex gf, but thats a whole different story. So I asked him to stop talking to her, because she liked him, Im not dumb ya know...and this girl is one that if you give here any attention she goes flippy, thinks you want to have a relationship etc.. So we fought about that for a month or so, me asking him to stop and him telling me no he wasnt going block her or stop..so I gave up. I tried to explain how it hurt my feelings, but he always said he wasnt going to hurt her feelings for no reason, like my feelings were not important enough to want to protect. Well it doesnt stop there, before I know it, there is Another one of his ex gf IMing him on a regular basis now, so thats two ex gfs and both are a little off the rocker..never know if the second one will show up at his house or what. Anyways, I have had a really hard time dealing with it, and I stay upset about it alot. This past week he and I had a talk about it, and he said he would put a stop to it, but Friday night when I was at his house we went out for awhile, and I left his AOL on and guess who IMed him while we was gone...yeah one of the ex gf. I dont have a problem with him talking to girls per say, but I dont like his ex gfs contacting him so much...esp when they still like him. So we have fought about that, and then we got into a huge fight over some other things that basically come down to him making me feel "unattractive" or "unwanted"....(see previous posts). The kicker here is though...his brother lives with him and basically helps pay the house payment..but he lost his job this week. Now neither my bf or his brother have a job.. I had been looking for a job closer to where my bf lives so we could finally start a family and life together, but now those plans have been pushed back indefiately...since his brother and gf were going to buy a house this year and move out...and now that probably wont happen since his brother is jobless. So the S*** hit the fan, and I ended up getting a email back from him tonight that essientally said he was "going to let me be free".. I know he says he still loves me, but he doesnt understand what kind of blow it was to me to find out our plans were gone, and the ex gfs are still IMing him, and some other issues I havent brought up here. So please any advice would be wonderful... I love him dearly and I dont want to lose him. I know that I would be completely devastated if I lost him to say the least. How can this be fixed??? Link to comment
friscodj Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 Let me start by saying we broke up last Nov. and shortly after that I found out I was pregnant, well when I told him he sent me a text saying that "if I was there would be a DNA test" like I had cheated on him or something, which I hadnt, and he knew that. Then he would ignore me, or say mean things to me when we did talk, so the whole time I was pregnant it was just one big cry session after another for me. I begged him to stay with me, promised him I would be a better gf, I couldnt see my life without him. He played games with my heart and head, even when I told him that the stress was causing problems with the pregnancy. Oh honey...I'm so sorry for the loss of your fetus and for the situation you are in right now...it breaks my heart to read posts like yours... You want to fix this? This guy is a piece of s***. And that's being nice. I can't believe anyone would text message the future mother of his child and essentially ask if the child is his...words cannot describe even a fraction of 1% of the disgust I felt when I read that...I just can't believe it... AND the way he treated you while you were pregnant? ...unbelievable... Plus I can't believe you begged this worthless slimeball to stay with you. You absolutely need to cut this guy loose...fast...and get away from him for good so you can start healing and working on your self-esteem and co-dependency issues so you can have healthy relationships in the future... Link to comment
shebop Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 I 100% agree with friscodj, Whether you have made mistakes or not there is no justification for the way he has treated you and disrespected your feeling and wishes. This is a perfect opportunity for you to take his offer "to let you be frëe" I know that you love him and care about him...but you have to realize that someone who really loves you cares about you will not treat you like that. I hope you have enough respect for yourself to see that. You are worth more and deserve more Good luck.. Link to comment
dishrag Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 You sound very caring and loving! But, I agree with the above replies. I know you really love him. The only way for him to miss you and see what he's losing is to not exist to him. Strict "No Contact" seems to be the best way to do that from what I've read. I'm in NC right now with my ex. It's very beneficial to me. I really hope that you can find things to do with your time and start living for YOU! He will realize what he lost. Link to comment
Mrocza Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 Hun, why do you want to save this relationship? Let me point something out. You break up, you're pregnant. Him: DNA test, emotional abuse, untimately causign you to miscarry. You: Take him back Him: Lies to you countless times, makes you feel like crap, cheats on you more than once. You: Catch him in the act, catch him lying, say you're not dumb and still take him back Him: Makes you feel unattractive and unwanted, keeping contact with these ex's he's fooled around with, lowering further your self-esteem. You: Well yes, but he lives with my brother and they both don't have jobs- I want a family. Him: No job, no respect for your feelings, no responsiblity. You: Want to support him STILL? Want to have a FAMILY with this guy who doesn't even respect you? Honey, regardless if he lives with your brother, your brother is a big boy just like him. They can both get up off their behinds and get jobs. You are not responsible for them, no matter what. You love him. Why do you love him? He treats you like crap and you keep coming back for more. He doesn;t love you. He doesn't show it in any way. Why are you still WITH this dead beat? Get out. Link to comment
friscodj Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 You guys are being way too nice... This guy should be captured and newtered...a text message...un-freaking-believable... Link to comment
Lonelyinasmalltown Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 You guys are being way too nice... This guy should be captured and newtered...a text message...un-freaking-believable... Took the words right out of my mouth. Link to comment
spunkykatt Posted February 13, 2006 Author Share Posted February 13, 2006 I just wanted to thank all you guys for the support and advice that you have given me.. but I think I might have mislead you in my post, I was in no way innocent in our problems...I mean I was jealous and extremely hurt while I was pregnant and he didnt want to be with me, or having anything to do with me at that time. I was and still am hurt by the fact that while I was pregnant he was talking to another girl on the phone, then calling me right afterwards...and he was talking to his ex gf at the time too, and telling her that we wasnt together anylonger...which was true, but he didnt tell her about the baby, or us talking, etc. I just dont know how to deal with all of it, and in his defense...he has apoligized about it since then, also just recently he said he wouldnt talk to his ex gfs anymore if it bothered me that much. I just dont understand why it took him so long to decide that my feelings were important too. Dont get me wrong though, what happened when I was pregnant was bad, to say the least, but I honestly see good in my bf, he has made strides in trying to make things better, but it just seems that things arent getting better. I just really dont know what to do...and I dont want it to destroy all that we have worked for, I really do love him. Link to comment
friscodj Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 Please don't try to blame yourself here and stop defending this lowlife. Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please... DITCH THIS LOSER AND MOVE ON! Link to comment
1824blue Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 Seriously listen to friscodj. Print out what he wrote and put it where you can see it. Link to comment
Mrocza Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 I agree. What you wrote was how you're feeling. I understand you have invested a lot of time and effort and emotion into this guy, but he's not exactly a prime stock. You end up losing every single time. No one is perfect. We didn't figure you were either hun However, keep in mind, you even with your insecurities and jealousy (provoked by him) have still ended up being 100x the person he is. Don't be afraid to move on. Being alone is not the scary part. The scary part is sticking around, wasting your time and seeing how he'll hurt you next. Link to comment
spunkykatt Posted February 14, 2006 Author Share Posted February 14, 2006 Why does it have to be so hard...? I just had a discussion with my bf about this and once again the problem is not solved but rather bigger than ever. He and I will never reach a common ground and its just so sad, Im sad. I love him so much but I dont know where to go or what to say anymore. He says he hears me, but I dont think he does. He told me that I blame him for everything that happened with the baby, but I dont. I dont blame him for all of it, I said I wasnt innocent either. I just dont know anything anymore, and I just feel so completely sad and hurt by it all, I just wish sometimes I could run away from it all and never have to think about it again. Why does he do that to me, make me feel bad about expressing my thoughts and trying to work through some of the hurt I have. I cant understand it, after all we have been through, all the trust issues, and the lies, losing the baby, and everything else..why does he get so mad at me for wanting to talk about my hurt and trying to work on dealing with it??? I still do love him, and I still wish I could make it work, and he says he wants it to work to, but is there any chance of that really happening??? Please tell me what you think, I need someone to talk to..someone to listen to me. Link to comment
friscodj Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 What do I think? Hmmm...let's see... DITCH THIS LOSER AND MOVE ON!!!!!!!!!! I can't emphasize enough how obvious this is... Link to comment
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