Need some help on a 3 year relationship

[Malpass]

Hello,

 

THis is my first time posting on this--I am just trying something new.

 

I am a guy, I am about 20.

 

I have been dating my girlfriend steadily for nearly 3 years. We have excellent communication--but communicating doesn't always fix everything. So that is why I am here.

 

My girlfriend, in many cases, at least the apparent ones... is the dominant figure. I have found more and more that I am doing what she asks whether it is meanial things like: "take out the trash, clean the dishes, make this phone call for me," or if it is bigger things like and this is paraphrased "I don't really care what you think, I do what I think"

 

Now that is not to say I am whipped, or that she is in complete control. I stand up when I feel like its too far, and in alot of the major decisions we make, my voice is heard loud and clear.

 

So what I want, is a way to fix this without confronting it(which I have tried, and does not work--she admits to it, and says she will try---but she doesnt). I am increasingly aware that it is more an more her problem and not mine, as she always says... but I know that it takes two to tango--so surely I can do something.

 

Secondly-- there is another problem-- my girl is often depressed and down. She is almost misanthropic--meaning, she doesnt like people. She usually only has 1 close friend, who, alternates on who is fighting with her. For example, there is this one close friend that we both had... this friend recently got a job somewhere, and now she finds him too "buisiness like" and also the friend has ties with somone that my girlfriend doesnt like, and so, she has refused to talk to him, or to hang out with him. strange... anyway I got away from my topic.

 

I want to be able to brighten her life a little, but I am afraid that I can't do it and that perhaps she needs medication (she has a history of depression and anxiety in her family) I don't know if I am communicating this well because it is my first time, and I am still kind of thinking this forum is a hoax, but we will see.

 

I am ready to confront that the problem is me, I almost hope it is, but I know that it is her.

 

Oh yeah, and as a third problem, we have only dated 3 years, and we spend a lot of time together--probably too much(we see each other every day, meet up between classes, etc).. any comments?

[DN]

The simple answer to the first issue is to tell her to do it herself. Kindly, of course, but firmly. Make sure it is her turn to take out the trash when you say that of course and that you are pulling your weight with other household chores.

 

And you should talk to her about her depression - again, not as a confrontation but out of a concern for her. Maybe suggest she see her doctor. But she may resist if she won't acknowledge that she has a problem.

[Malpass]

When I tell her to do it herself, she just does this sad puppy "oh come on" type thing. I enjoy doing those kinds of things on my own, but when I am told to, I feel like a puppet. If I truly refuse she gets mad. I know this sounds lame, and it is, and I have been taking it--but now I have to fix it. I think I let it get to far.

 

When I talk to her about it, she admits it--but won't seek treatment. I have told her I would pay for the visit. I guess I should be more adamint about it.

 

Hey, and thanks by the way.

[DN]

The do the sad puppy "Oh come on - do it yourself".

[redhook]

Run Man Run

[suprema99]

Your trying to save her. You think she's got problem's, but at the same time your gonna have problems eventually by all this. 3 years is not that short of time. If you care about her, your gonna have to put your foot down or do something. It'll probably just get worst. I wouldn't get all obsessed about it, but be aware and hopefully things will turn around as time goes by. goodluck