An update on my ex

[Buli]

My ex has left a voice mail on my mobile saying she was just calling to see how I'm doing?

 

What does all of this mean?

Shud I b excited about a possible getting back together or what?

 

For background check this link:

 

 

 

[Bethany]

I don't think your gonna know unless you reply. But only do that if you want her back or are feeling up to a friendly chat with an ex as it could go either way.

If you don't want her back or feel that you are not ready to catch up on 'old times' because you are too hurt then don't reply, keep moving and stay NC.

[Buli]

To be quite honest there's nothing I wud want more than anyhthing than to get back with her. However I'm not sure I wanna do it now. But what if she thinks I don't want anything to do with her?

[NJRon]

No. Don't be excited baout anything. Never ever initiate any contact at all if you have expectations. That is a red flag that you are not contacting for the right reasons. If you think to yourself that you are looking for some kind of response before contacting her, then remind yoruself that's your clue to *not* contact her.

 

My rule of thumb is:

 

1. Never contact with the desire for a response. I assume all communication will be one-way. I am pleasantly surprised when it isn't and not affected when I get no response.

 

2. Never respond to a statement, only questions. If someone says they are thinking of you or wondering how you are doing, then no need to answer... I view it as a form of venting. If they *ask* you how you are doing, then I respond.

 

Those are just my rules for conducting myself so I don't let me emotions run away with me. I find it very effective in distancing myself a bit without doing NC.

 

On an aside, who cares if she thinks you don't want anything to do with her. That's her guilt she's trying to deal with. It's up to you to manage your own pain.

[Buli]

Thanx once again NJROn. I think u r spot on. It's just that I don't wanna b on any emotional rollercoast...but nontheless with advice from you big brother I know I'll just b fine.

 

I'm wondering what other peeps think?

[Bethany]

I personally would reply. I would want to know what she is thinking because if she is just saying Hi like an old friend, it's better to know and lose all expectations of ever getting back together and I could then accept it and move on for real. I'd rather spend a few restless nights and have a setback, than feel like I missed the chance forever.

 

Only you know what you need and what is best for you though. Trust yourself first and others second, including me.

[SuzyQ]

I would reply. As a female, I can tell you many females like to "stay friends" it could be that she wants to make sure you are okay, and that she still does care. Or it could mean she wants you back. You wont know unless you phone her. Let us know how it goes.

[brando]

Have no expectations of anything. It is your call to respond or not. It doesn't imply or insinuate anything if you remain silent. I don't think from the tone of your post that you are ready to contact her. Take some more time for yourself and heal your wounds. Then see if she contacts you again, and then maybe you will be better prepared to handle it.

 

be well,

brando

[DaMadHatter]

It's funny how the females seem to answer one way and men another.

 

I've been in the EXACT same position as u, and trust me u DON'T want to respond. If this girl left u for someone else like i believe i read than she has no business being a part of your life anymore, she lost that privilege.

 

You obviously still have feelings for her which is a leading reason why there is no room to be friends here. My rule is u cant be friends with an ex until you're completely over them, and you're far from that. The best thing for your emotional well-being is to ignore her and move on with your life.

 

Who knows why she called u, women are odd like that especially since she's the one that walked out. She probably wants to alleviate her guilt, have u as a stand in friend or backup, who knows and really who cares. Point is she walked out on you to be with her new boyfriend. She made her choice, no going back on it now. So now make YOUR choice and move on without her. Don't give her the satisfaction of having hurt you and still having u around as a "friend" for her convenience.

 

There's plenty of wonderful, hot, loyal, women out there she'll regret what she did, sounds like she already has. Hope this helps

[NJRon]

DaMadHatter echoes my thoughts completely and it's what I based my advice on. When *you* want to be JUST friends... if that ever happens... then you can respond or contact whenever. Until then, you're better off doing whatever it is you need to do to make sure you don't get hurt. her feelings shouldn't even be a factor.

[Bethany]

The more I think about this, the more I am inclined to think that she's is 'feeling fine' and because SHE is, she thinks you probably are too so she thought she'd just tell you how well she is doing in her new life and stick her nose into yours. I hope I'm wrong.

 

Let us know what you decided.

[Buli]

Thanx all for your input.

 

I don't think your gonna know unless you reply. But only do that if you want her back or are feeling up to a friendly chat with an ex as it could go either way.

If you don't want her back or feel that you are not ready to catch up on 'old times' because you are too hurt then don't reply, keep moving and stay NC.

 

I'm certain that I want to be with her. However there would have to be certain things that we would have to deal with before I could say I'm OK with everythging.

I wudn't want to be friends with someone who treats me like my ex did during the "break". So there's only one way I see it - the only time I'll talk to her is if she owns up to what she did.

 

I would want to sit down and talk to her. I would want to ask her what did I do to her to treat me the way she did. It was as if she despised me and could not stand me. She lied to me. She betrayed me. She HURT ME!!!

 

 

SuzyO says:

"I would reply. As a female, I can tell you many females like to "stay friends" it could be that she wants to make sure you are okay, and that she still does care. Or it could mean she wants you back. You wont know unless you phone her. Let us know how it goes".

 

Well, so what this could mean is that she's just checking on me to see if I'm a mess or what. I'm not so sure about the part where she may be trying to make sure that I'm OK and that she still cares. When she broke up with me she said and I quote "I don't care how you take it, but I want a break from everything. I don't care what everybody else says but I want do things my way. I'm at a stage in my life where I wanna do things my way. If you are not happy with that you'll see what you do. I don't care how you take it".

 

Brando, I think you are right. I'm not ready to contact her. I need to heal so that I don't loose it when it comes to dealing with it.

 

DaMadHatter says:

"Who knows why she called u, women are odd like that especially since she's the one that walked out. She probably wants to alleviate her guilt, have u as a stand in friend or backup, who knows and really who cares. Point is she walked out on you to be with her new boyfriend. She made her choice, no going back on it now. So now make YOUR choice and move on without her. Don't give her the satisfaction of having hurt you and still having u around as a "friend" for her convenience".

 

I'm not sure what to think about her sudden "interest" in me. One thing I'm certain about is that I'm NOT gonna be anyone's doormat not matter how much in love I am with them.

[DaMadHatter]

That's the spirit Buli don't take crap from no one especially those who've ALREADY hurt u. From what u updated us on this girl seems like a total flake. Believe me she did u a favor by leaving, long-term you'll be better off without her.

 

"I would want to sit down and talk to her. I would want to ask her what did I do to her to treat me the way she did. It was as if she despised me and could not stand me. She lied to me. She betrayed me. She HURT ME!!!"

 

Man I said these EXACT same words 3 years ago when one of my exes left. U have to fight that URGE to want to ask her all these questions. believe me she wont have any answers for you, it sux i know, but some questions have to be left unanswered. Move on, stay strong!