Not feeling very sexual - but sexual enough to look at porn?!

[blueyes25]

Ok, so yesterday I posted a thread about "spark". Long story short, my b/f and I had a really bad January. We fought a lot and are now trying to pick up the pieces etc. Sex has pretty much gone away b/c of this.

 

Well, I kind of left part of the story out when I originally posted. Anyway, he says I am beautiful and he loves me, but that he is just not feeling very sexual right now. I caught him looking at internet porn the other night. I got up at 3am to get some water - I walked downstairs and around the corner and see the him, the laptop, and naked girls etc. The site is called link removed. Now normally, I wouldn't care at all - but he isn't having sex with me, so it definitely did not make me feel good. I didn't fly off the handle or anything, but I did try to voice my discomfort. He said again it was that he wasn't feeling very attracted to me right now b/c of all the fighting etc. After the internet porn thing, I felt like what he was inadvertantly saying was this: "I am not feeling very sexual right now.....toward YOU!" :sad: or "I am not sexually attracted to you right now." Should I be concerned? For the first time ever, I felt like he was choosing porn over me and it hurt.

 

I can say that since all of this started, I have masturbated a time or two and looked at internet porn as well. Like I said, normally it wouldn't have offended me in the least. We are very open about these things, but this time was different - especially, after he had been telling me he just wasn't feeling very sexual.

 

Anyway, should I be concerned? Or is the answer still to simply let some time pass and let things heal a bit to get that spark back.

 

RayKay, does the porn thing make a difference?

 

Hmmmmm......

[ratherbesailing]

blueyes -

 

Just don't fight with him. Sometimes my girlfriend seems to want to get into an argument but I won't fight. I'll talk rationally, but I refuse to fight. You won't always agree so just accept that. Has fighting ever really gotten you anything you wanted?

 

Since you don't really have a problem with porn itself, why not rent a hot movie and see if you guys can't get into it together instead making an issue of the solo stuff? Try to mimic what the girls are doing on the screen.

 

Guys like porn but it has nothing at all to do with how we feel about our girlfriends. If I'm not feeling sexual and I know my girlfriend is coming over, sometimes porn can help get my interest up. I'm a little more into erotic reading and not much into websites but everyone is different. Either way, what fantasy girl might get me aroused doesn't take a thing away from how I feel about the real woman next to me that I want to be with.

 

I wish I could take this piece of advice myself, but how about going away together next weekend? Sometimes a change of scenery can spark things that just don't happen when you are in your routine.

[Scout]

blueyes -

 

Just don't fight with him. Sometimes my girlfriend seems to want to get into an argument but I won't fight. I'll talk rationally, but I refuse to fight. You won't always agree so just accept that. Has fighting ever really gotten you anything you wanted?

 

You know, at the end of the day this is just so true. So often, it's not WHAT couples fight about but HOW they fight that is their ultimate undoing.

 

It can really start to take a mental and physical toll on both people in the relationship. Maybe he is feeling a bit unsexual towards you right now, if you're having regular conflict over things.

 

Maybe make a secret promise to yourself that for the next four weeks, you will not raise your voice or be accusatory. See if he notices and starts to unwind as a result.

[Bethany]

I think he was just feeling down and needed a little self loving and I doubt if it was sexual at all.

And I do agree with ratherbesailing when he said for you both to get away for a while. Breathe some fresh air into the relationship, it will do you both the world of good. It's tiime to move forward and give each other the loving you once shared.

[tigerwalk]

If you feel that the porn is becoming more important to him than you are, you NEED to let him know. As long as you're both involved together, I see nothing wrong, at all!!! However, if it's becoming a substitute for sex with you, that's a problem. Trust me, I've been that guy before.