What should I do...

[jimpster2005]

Hi, I've been with my gf for 6 months - we recently had an issue where she said that I didn't stand up for myself enough when I was with her, was somewhat needy of her and didn't express enough opinions - basically trying to please her too much but ending up annoying her.

 

Obviously this is not that good and although I'm fairly easy going anyway, she has a point. So here's the dilemma - this weekend I may have the chance to spend some quality time with her (which is a rarity). However, I'd originally half planned to visit some friends. What should I do - spend time with her, taking the risk that she'll think I'll change my plans at a whim or visit my friends?

 

Basically should I be a bit more of a challenge with her or just be myself - a dilemma which I'm having at the moment...

 

Thanks...

[LiquidCherry]

Keep your plans. It's never very nice to blow someone off. And unless you are seriously a push over I would continue to be yourself around her. If she doesn't want a nice guy find someone who does.

[coach]

Hi jimpster

 

Telling someone they should be more assertive is to put them in a double-bind - it's like putting a sign up that says: DON'T READ THIS

 

Isn't it also somewhat ironic that you are now asking someone on the net to advise you on what to do?

 

The most important question is: What do you want to do?

 

Trying to second guess what your g/f wants is just repeating the status-quo.

 

Think about what would make you the happiest, and just do it.

 

If anyone questions you, you can honestly say: "I'm here because that's where I want to be".

 

If you search the net you will find advice on Assertive Behaviour.

 

The first step is knowing what you want.