any tips for being good to yourself

[gratefulpain]

Hello,

 

Im still raw and exposed and hurting...really bad.... some of the suggestions on this board said to actively work on yourself with NC i tried go to a local bar nad sat their for two hours like an * * *. I couldnt even look at another woman. I broke NC this morning to iron out some insurance issues.. she talked like nothing happened... i cut it short... i want to aggresively keep myself busy and do things that will spped up this process... i dont want to make mistakes that bring me back to a puddle of nothingness over and over...

any suggestions on what folks have done to keep busy or work on themselves will be helpful...i need to crawl out of this hole..havent eaten in days

[Dako]

Luckily nature will raise your appetite above your misery. Drink lots of water so you don't get dehydration headaches. Go outside and look at the sky so you can put the size of things in perspective.

Don't listen to familiar tunes or TV shows. Try to avoid anything that reminds you of her, even though it seems impossible. Go ahead and lean on your friends for support. If they ever need help, you'll have an expert's insight to share with them.

Don't get drunk or make any rash decisions. There's always time to rearrange your world later when you can think clearly.

Consider this an illness like the flu, but with longer recovery.There's no magic cure but time will heal you. Just keep from making it worse and treat yourself well.

This rollercoaster will have ups and downs, so enjoy the moments of relief by living well. Spoil yourself when you need it. When you're down, post here, go for a walk, work out, wash your car or lay on the floor and cry. It will pass, and you'll be happy again.

 

 

 

You have plenty of company.

[DN]

Spoil yourself for awhile - be completely self-indulgent. Do only what pleases you. Other than those things you have to do (job, for instance) only do what you want to do, eat what you want and go see places that have interested you but you have put off seeing.

 

That doesn't mean over-indulge in drink or anything else harmful - but just allow yourself to do those things you thought might be fun. At first it will be hard yo enjoy yourself but if you have the determination to enjoy yourself sooner of later you will.

[darkblue]

Consider this an illness like the flu, but with longer recovery.

In all my time here, I've never heard it quite like that.

I like it.

 

Shop 'til you drop.

Allow yourself time to have fun.

Soul-search and rediscover who you are - not what you were.

Time to change.

 

Edit:

These may seem obvious, but they are important:

Eat; at least three meals a day.

Sleep.

Drink.

And keep yourself reasonably well groomed. You will feel worse if you are down and dirty.

[heloladies21]

Dude, get back out there and talk to some girls. Get out with your friends, do a couple of shots to loosen things up, and talk to some of them. Force yourself to just say hi at this point.

[gratefulpain]

thanks.. i used to be pretty smooth... till i was P whipped by this girl

[heloladies21]

You still have it in you, just need to break through the initial barrier.

[overtheedge]

If you can't eat, try buying some instant breakfasts. I lived on them for about 3 weeks following my breakup. Just go out and try to have a good time. I know it's difficult but the more you're around people, the better you'll feel.

 

One of the ways that I worked on myself was intellectually. Learn about everything you've ever wanted but haven't had time to do. It definitely takes your mind off of things.

 

I know a lot of people will say to stay away from alcohol, and in the long run it can lead to problems, but go out with your buddies and get drunk. To this day I credit my first steps toward recovery on picking up some random girl at a bar in a drunken haze. It will make you feel better about yourself and it will also show you that there are other people out there.

[deejay74]

Spoil yourself for awhile - be completely self-indulgent. Do only what pleases you. Other than those things you have to do (job, for instance) only do what you want to do, eat what you want and go see places that have interested you but you have put off seeing.

 

That doesn't mean over-indulge in drink or anything else harmful - but just allow yourself to do those things you thought might be fun. At first it will be hard yo enjoy yourself but if you have the determination to enjoy yourself sooner of later you will.

 

i've been trying this almost everyday. sometimes it works, but most of the time i just keep thinking about how i want to do the things i enjoy with my ex, cuz i know she'd enjoy them too. i guess i have to take the your last sentence to heart but again, my patience is short. i really need to work on being patient and let time pass but it's hard, especially when you have long days. it's been about 1 month and a week or so since the break up. i have made progress, but this week i've been experiencing a few set backs.

 

today i went out with some coworkers and met some new people, most of them females. the problem is, i keep comparing them to my ex. the problem i have is i am extremely picky, and my ex was really a unique person, a character really. she's been told this by countless people and i am attracted to unique individuals who are not part of the norm. i also am not attracted to females with "conventional" beauty - there has to be something out of the ordinary but at the same time is attractive too, this is how my ex was as well. i have met more females since i broke up with my ex than before, but i am having a hard time finding someone who i find interesting. all of them seem so average and "normal" [EDIT] - not that there's anything wrong with that! it's just not what i usually like. No offense to anyone please! [/EDIT] i can't explain what i am looking for in words, it would seem silly, but i know what i like. i guess i have to be patient with this too.