i need some advice

[laurad]

I have been with my partner for three and a half years. He has been getting more distant recently and we have seen having sex less and less often.

 

When i spoke to him about he cited a number of issues some of which we are dealing with but one of the things he said was that he just doesn't find me attractive anymore. He says he loves me, doesn't want to loose me or hurt me.

 

I really don't know what to do. I know the spark has gone but i have no idea how to get it back or what to suggest to him about how to find me attractive again. When i ask him who he does find attractive he mentions people who are physically very different from me. He used to find me attractive so i don't understand why that would change.

 

I have always had fairly low self-esteem and this has demolished whats left of it. I just don't know what to do. I love him and am terrifed of loosing him.

 

Please help.

[foreverurz23]

this sounds like a very complicated situation. have you ever both talked about going to a counsler??? in this case, it might just be enough to try it becuase if your loosing someone after 3 years, thats a big part of your life. or if thats not an option, i would never ask him who he finds attractive becuase ever one is diffrent and there may be a chance just like in your case when you always know that you will never be just like them. try diffrent things and ask him if he really likes them becuase there is always hope, i dont think people these days really relize that there are so many things out there that could help you before you throw the towel in. but hopefully if worse comes to worse you can always be very good friends, you know someday you may look back on it and say that happened for a reason and be so proud of your self. i was in a relationship for about a year and half and around the 12th month it just seemed like him and i just took the separate paths. but just remember, everything happenes for a reason and soon hopefully you will find the path that you are right to be on.

good luck

~foreverurz23~

[Happy_Go_Lucky_Heb]

lol.. that was the same message. But anyway, i pretty much agree with the marriage counsler thing, they're trained professionals who constantly deal with circumstances like these in their lives.

 

I think there could b a possiblity that he's seeing someone else, but that might b just my thought.

[secret_agent_man]

It's hard to say what he's trying to express. That's tough because there's not a whole lot you should or can do to change your physical appearance unless you want to for yourself... (little stuff's ok, but you still have to want to do it, or you'll be unhappy)

 

Maybe he seeing someone else and maybe he's not, but either way, his mind is wandering a bit. This isn't the first time this has ever happened, trust me. It also may be something else underlying... try to dig into his head a little bit and see if it's the only problem you find.

 

I'm sorry it's hard to come up with more, but to make it work, you both have to be accepting and you both have to want to be there...

 

Keep your head up, it's more likely his problem, not yours.

Not that you do, but don't let this make you feel un-attractive in general. I know it hurts your self esteem, but try not to let it. Everyone likes something different, so there definitely ARE people who find you attractive. Don't beat yourself up over it.

 

S.A.M.