advice

[zb]

I hate this... I broke of my engagment because the woman basically spent no time with me for about a year... it was like she abandoned me....

 

I had been interested in another woman so I let her know that I was and we really hit it off... it was like we had a connection... then she went home because the school year was over and went on a trip... she got back and then she tells me she does not want to date anyone... she said she still would want something with me in the future just not now... so we talked some.. and I guess I made a few mistakes like calling to much and so on... I called 12 times in one day... I did not even think of caller ID, most people I know do not have that... so I am use to calling and callling until your lucky enough to catch the person in...

 

Anyways... now she does not seem to want to talk to me... she still seems interested but she is just giving me the cold shoulder at this time... she said I am the nicest guy she has ever known and that she is not ready for that yet..... her friend seems to think she does want to be with.... and that there is no other guy in her life... she honestly just does not want to date anyone right now... but I am left trying to think of what I should do.

 

My heart tells me to wait for her.. part of me also says to just give up... and become a male-whore like every other guy I know... I mean it seems good guys do not win so why should I even try? I hate this... I hate the fact that I put my trust into someone and revealed my soft side only to be abandoned again.... I mean damn maybe I should have stayed with my ex... I probably would have had a better chance of getting her to change then going out with this woman... I don't know what to do... I just know I have feelings for this woman, but feelings are worthless unless you are actually with the person you like... I mean I could care the world for her, and what will it matter if I am not with her?.............

 

I have not been attracted to many women in my life... I am 23 and I have only really liked two.. my ex and this woman... so damn... I mean I have been to parties and met many of the opposite sex since I was 16.. I have been to college.... many women there.... but it seems like it takes years for me to find someone I am interested in... so part of me is worried now if I will ever find someone to settle down with eventually... I feel like I could settle down with this woman I am trying to hook up with... I mean she already revealed that she saw me a possible future mate... I just don't know what to do.

[zb]

well... it is not really that I want a relationship... it is just that I am so picky... that well.... why is it when I find someone that I thought liked me... she turns around and changes her mind about being with me... I mean it is her right to do... but damn.... I want a relationship with this woman because I care about her very much... she caught my interest the first day I saw her. If I just wanted a relationship to be in a relationship I would simply lower my standards... but what I meant was... should I just give up... I mean damn! I never had to deal with this sort of thing before.. so it is hard.

[glassbell]

Bonjour to you Balhatain,

 

I was going to say almost exactly the same as SwingFox, but he was first.. anyway perhaps I have a slightly different view on it since I am a woman. 23, just like you.

 

Please try to find out for yourself if you are bothered by not having this specific woman (or your ex), or not having a love-relationship in general. You seem worried about not having one, not having had many, and about staying alone in the future. Also I can see you have a lot of love to give and are craving for someone to give it to.

 

The fact that you have only been attracted to two women so far may be because you are very critical. Do you have a particular image of 'the perfect girlfriend'? I guarantee you, not any girl will be like that. Nor can you choose a girl that comes close to the image, and than change till she is 'perfect'. You'll have to love, accept and appreciate the whole package.

 

Actually I do think it is a good thing to be critical, and not to bond with just anyone. I am just like you, I have only had three relationships so far. But being too critical and having too high expectations only makes for disappointments. This counts for anything in life.

 

You're only 23, please enjoy, live your life, like SwingFox said, and don't focus on finding 'the one'.

 

I wish you loads of love,

~glassbell

[zb]

heh... what I want in a woman is not to high on the charts... In no way do I want the woman that the media says I should want... I am not looking for models... I don't like skinny girls. I just like educated women, creative women... to me, the reason why so many marriages fail is because people settle... I will not settle for what I do not want in a woman.... and I am rare in that I can't really get sexually attracted to a woman unless I love her mind... I mean sure I could get aroused by any number of women.... but I would not actually do anything with them unless I respect their mind......... this seems to not be understood by most people.

 

I do worry about being alone... but I could accept it if that was my fate... and I know that I will meet other women that I am attracted to.... the point is that I am attracted so much to this woman, right now..... and she was very much attracted to me... throughout the year from what I have been told... I just find it hard to accept that she wanted to date, and she wanted it to be serious... and then a few weeks later she does not want to date anyone at all... but she still can see something with me in the future... I know that is usually a blow off... but I think she is telling the truth... but now she is not talking because I messed up and I pushed..... I fear I have pushed her away for good... and it is killing me. She will not be back in my area until almost a month and a half from now... the last email I got from her was about 7 days ago and it seems like ages... she said in it that I am the nicest person she has ever known and she does not think she can give me what I deserve... as in the love and care that I deserve..... but the thing is she was doing perfectly ok... I guess I should give her time and wait and see what happens... but the longer I wait the more I will be hurt if it turns out not to happen.... and that is what I am worried about.... I already feel bad... I can't imagine how much worse I could feel.

[zb]

I think I should just have one of her friends, who is my friend also, talk to her and find out what exactly she wants me to do.... you know....like does she want to ask me out... or what..... does she want me out of her life....

 

I am going to be really hit hard the longer I wait to find out what will happen.... I really had my hopes up. This woman is so interesting.... and she is in no way perfect, but I am not perfect either... and we have much in common... I just can't understand why she would reject me after things went so well.......

 

I mean if she does not want to date me then I deserve to know... If she never plans to have anything with me, I deserve to know... I don't want to force her into anything... I fear that.... but at the same time I think she needs to know that I am not going to just sit around like a pet rock, waiting to see if she will give me a rub... you know...

[winkie]

I read your sad story but I have a question do you think that your feelings from your fiance maybe have moved towards this new girl? It seems to me that yes you broke off your engagement and you just cant be alone you were saying that you should have stayed with your ex but maybe you need to be alone to get over the first engagement just becuase you broke it off does not mean you are over her. Men tend to jump into another relationship right after one has not worked out actually women too. I tend to wait until I am ready for another relationship. I am 27 and still single you have plenty of time to find someone and if this girl thinks you are so great I can honestly say that knowing what I know I would not pass up a chance to be with this great guy. Are you sure she is telling the truth??

[zb]

see that is the thing... I got over my ex while with her... I mean I was in my room all the time, by myself... I hardly seen her... and I grew out of love for her... I still sometimes wonder what went wrong... but basically I was left to myself for over a year... I guess maybe if anything I have an issue now of feeling abandoned... I don't want to be dropped by someone I care for ever again.

 

As for this girl telling the truth... I do not think she is a liar... I wonder if she is lying to herself... I mean she said that relationships are very emotionally draining and she just does not want to get into another right now... O YEAH I should say that she just broke up with her boyfriend of a year or so... mainly because of me.... there is no chance of her going back to him from what I have been told... but maybe she is not ready to just jump into dating me... I think she is nervous of me because I will be the first boyfriend she has had that is open with feelings, I have no trouble expressing love and so on... she is not use that... or romance for that matter... but she does like it... I think she wants to be with me, she is just nervous... but if I say that she gets mad because I called her nervous.... but then if you look at the psychology of that... why would she get angry unless it was true and she knows that I am calling her bluff.

[zb]

I should also say that this woman I like now... I like her because I feel that I can relate to her... are personality is very close to being the same.... we both felt a connection of sorts. In many ways it is an attraction that goes beyond that of flesh... she has a pretty face and all that but it is her mind that interest me most... the way she thinks and the things she says. I know from talking to her friend that she use to weigh like 240 or something like that... and I guess that is a big issue for her... but see I don't even care about that with her......she could be 500lb's... she would still have the same brain.... so I guess I will wait... I mean I don't care that I am single... but it is hard to wait knowing how well I want to treat her and how happy I make her..... and damn she makes me feel so good... I mean I feel great anyways, but she gives me that feeling you can only get when your with someone you care for... it is hard to explain and I would not get this feeling from just any woman....

 

But if I did mess up... from pushing for "us" to much... how do I get a second chance? I mean should I wait awhile and if I do not hear from her just send a flower or something... anonymous like...heh...

[winkie]

From what I have read you have analyzed this situation about a gazillion times. I believe you have made up your own mind on what U R doing. I will tell you this that sometimes people say things to not hurt someone. Whatever you do make sure it is to benefit you. I believe in asking her firends you may cause her to back off completely. I would not want the guy I like to talk to my friends about our situation. Best bet wait it out but in the process go out mingle and meet new people for life experience. You are very young and you have plenty of time. I am also picky with who I choose to date...sometimes I wish I knew what it was that attracted me to someone so that I can look for that. However, I have no idea what it is and I do know that one day I will meet someone that will treat me just as good as I treat them....and I will not settle for less....I have settled for less and was not happy living with ex and I was in the same boat as you although it was him that said "goodbye" and I wonder what happened sometimes when you live with someone you take for granted that they are there everyday and you dont make time for them...