Does it help to get involved again quickly?

[PartlySunny]

I'm curious about this - because I've never had this experience myself.. but, after you go through a bad breakup with someone you were very deeply committed to and in love with, does it actually help the pain of it to get involved with someone else fairly quickly, even if the "rebound" one is not a serious thing?

 

I've had 2 great loves, and both times, I spent a lot of time without another relationship afterwards. I also went through an enormous amount of pain and it took so long to recover. I don't think it's necessarily a good idea or a healthy thing to get involved again quickly (like, within weeks), but for those of you who have done it, did it help? Did it help you get over the person and no longer miss or care about them?

[jl301]

Hey Sunny,

 

I recommended that you should not find some rebound to ease your pain. It might ease your pain for little bit, but I know you feel worse after words. Focus on yourself and how to heal from this. I think others would agree with me that finding some rebound is the wrong way to go and plus is not fair to that person. In way you are just using them and so you really no better than your ex that cause all this upon you. Just in hang in there and be strong for yourself.

 

jl301

[newts]

I think what you have done is very, very sensible and hence why you have been hurt, it seems when you find love you love with your heart and soul not just your head, I have found with friends who go from one to the next that they love with their head not their heart and they either get totally crushed when rejected by the rebound or just go onto the next best thing when they are bored of the rebound, Their relationships never last very long and they find themselves some what unhappy in relationships.

 

My ex and I broke up 11 mths ago, he went into a new relationship 2 days later, engaged after 7 weeks and now 11 months later he is crushed, alone and without anybody.

 

My thoughts are if you break up with someone you truly loved - whether you are the dumper or dumpee, you need to re develope yourself, work out what the problems were in your previous relationship, work on them and realise what you really want in life and yourself, after doing that the next relationship you have can only be better.

 

Just my thoughts.

[Frangipani]

I agree totally. I don't see how someone who was telling me that they were in love with me, right up to when parted could possibly love the person he is with now. He got with her 2 weeks later and is still seeing her long distance after 4 months.

 

I am single now, and could not be with him properly before, but now his wish has come true (me being single) he doesnt not budge. I feel it will not last with them because she is the total opposite of me and his first impressions of her a while back were that he didn't like her. But its sad for me, to think that i could be replaced so fast. He was also telling me he still wanted a future while with her.

[starfish]

It depends how much you love the person really. My bf of 2-1/2 years broke up with me, or took a "break", but at that point I was so out of love that it wasn't hard for me. I have been talking to a lot of interesting people lately - it's a great feeling to know that someone is interested in you. I was quite jaded after my relationship ended, but I felt like I had to make things better for myself. You can't sit around and wait for things to happen - it just gives you more time to mope. Then again, I did have a lot of time for reflection during the last year of my relationship: figuring out who I was and what I wanted...so maybe that's why moving on hasn't been hard. My advice would be to take some time to think things over, but not dwell too much on it. There are too many great people to meet out there and too little time to meet them all!

[PartlySunny]

Believe me, I'm in no hurry at all. I feel like I don't even want to date anyone this year at all.. rather take time and focus on overhauling my life.

 

But - we were really in love, he was madly in love with me, wanted to marry me.. then after a series of fights, we didnt contact each other, and next thing I know, he calls me a month later.. and mentions that he has a new girlfriend for 2 weeks already!!! We haven't talked since that phone call (6 weeks ago - I hung up on him).. and he comes into my job 1x a week and totally ignores me (so of course I ignore him too).

 

I just find it outrageous that he can get involved again so quick, and completely ignore me, meanwhile, not a day has gone by in 3 months where I haven't cried at least once. How is this possible? Did being with someone new so fast make him completely forget me and not have feelings for me, not have any pain or miss me at all?