Wanna hit the bottom

[mavrick]

Hey all

I have had a very good relationship with my gf of 2 yrs until some 4 months.... i mean it was a break up.

We were friends still though.

Yesterday i had called her after a month and we talked just fine -- for about 30 mins in which she told me about her prom etc and told me everything about what everybody did except about the guy because of whom we fought and had a break up. I thought that things are good as they are -- no other sense than the things they were like -- here i mean that our fdship is what i wanted.

 

Just then my fd called and said that they both (the guy because of whom we had a break up) had been together alone all day in a corner and were dancing etc.

 

It did felt bad cuz she never mentioned me anything about him for the whole talk when what we just talked was about that day.

 

I called her back again and told her that it would be ok if she could tell me this -- i intented to convey her that even though we are off because of this guy it would be ok to tell me it cuz we still are friends.

This thing really infuriated her - she went very angry and said that if there was anything then she would have told -- why is it that everytime i have to hear from other people and then react and tell her things about her which had never happened?? (this was one of the big reasons we broke off cuz everytime we had a fight was cuz one of my fds informed me about things she denied -- many times she was right and only in a few was she wrong).

 

So this time again she is right -- she said that i am no body to ask her what she did, whom she talked with... and should she even tell me the song they all (the group they were in) danced on??? etc.

then she said keep the phone right now other wise i will be angry on you - do not call for this matter in my life again.

 

wow... really this is the thing i want.... i mean i want to hit the bottom... i really care for this girl -- i had dreamt of me and her -- i dream and think about her every second of my existence and everytime its cuz of my foolishness i ruin things which are going right everytime....

after we broke up i had just wanted to be there for her -- in everything she did -- i really care for her..... but why does it happen only to the person who cares??

i really want to hit the bottom -- what have i to lose??? the world was fine before i was born and the world will be fine after too.

why dont i get this in my head that i have nothing to lose, i came here empty handed and will be gone the same way -- i really feel like getting hit by everybody, i am just expecting the worst... with open arms and a smile. nothing here is simple..... i want to be free man. i want to be free... no more in this stupid world where i care and due to my own actions -- for good or for bad -- for me or for another -- always, always i mean turn bad for me... i hate this.

[Alabama]

There are times in our life when things just don't go our way. Thus we want to give up adn think that the world will be indifferent. But that is true of anyone, yet we nonetheless must not give up. We exist in this world and can still live a good life. I am sure that one day you may find someone else you care for. It seems that you want to accept you are friends with this girl, but still play a major role in her life. That is for her to decide if she wants you still to be a big influence. Think things over. You can still mend things with her and go on in life. Life isn't over.