Giving up on possible relationship?

[cobro]

I've been talking to this girl for about 2 weeks now, she has a lot of qualities that I like and some that I don't. We have some things in common, but there are some things that we don't. When we hang out, we get along good and the conversation is good. I can't say that I'm totally physically attracted to her, but I am trying to overlook that and focus on her personality. For the first week, it was fun and exciting getting to know her. Now we struggle to find things to talk about, especially on the phone. We talk at least once a day, sometimes twice. I find that I run out of things to talk about, and it may be driving her away. Or it could be that I am too easily available and may seem eager. But either way, recently the conversations have been somewhat dry and I can't feel a connection sometimes. We both agree that we see potential in getting to know eachother, maybe for a possible relationship. I've revealed too many insecurities while getting to know her, one of my big mistakes, which makes her less attracted to me. They are not big insecurities, like I don't think I'm muscle enough or I'm not assertive enough. I'm trying to stop with the insecurities and turn on the confidence. I am trying to be more assertive. I am just too nice. I feel like giving it a few more days and just giving up on it. I didn't want to talk about it with her, but I did tonight. She said the only thing she has noticed is my insecurities, and that is something "we can work on". She didn't seem weirded out by the conversation. Then again, she could be noticing everything I've mentioned and want to give up on me. I kind of feel pathetic and like I am not who she thought I was, like a dissappointment, but I'm not revealing that to her. She thinks I am cute, and wonders why I am insecure. My ex always used to say I was insecure, and it was one of the reasons she left me. I hate it that it keeps coming up in every relationship, and I'm worried it will cause problems in this one, if I can get that far. We are taking things slow, and sometimes I think that hurts me, it makes me feel like more of a "friend" in her eyes. I just don't want to get hurt, I just had my heart broken almost 3 months ago by my first love, so I don't want to be rejected again. I'm afraid to like her too much too soon. I want to see the bad signs, like dry conversations, before they happen, not like last time. Should I just relax and stop trying to analyze every little thing? Am I thinking way too much? Or is my heart telling me to stop talking to her? She seems cool with the way I am, but for some reason I need constant assurance. It was the same in my last relationship, we would have the relationship "talk" at least once a week. I can only guess that it comes from my, you guessed it, insecurities. What is wrong and what can I do to correct it? I will never be able to have a relationship if I can't get this sorted out. Please help.

Thanks,

cobro

[kdreger]

First off, conversation will improve as you spend more time together and gradually have more to talk about (more in common).

 

As for confidence. Everyone is insecure in some way. I am. What you learn in time is indifference and apathy. Who cares? I don't care anymore what people think, I have more pressing things on my mind. It helps though when you accomplish things in your life so confidence tends to come as you get older and have more accomplishments behind you to be proud of.

 

For now, just remember, she thinks you're cute and she's willing to get into a relationship. That's all you should care about. Who cares what other people think, the woman you're interested in thinks you're cute. Not a small thing. She's hot for you! Go get her!

[secret_agent_man]

I say go with the flow, but cut back on the conversations for now. If you talk to her up to twice a day on the phone, you're gonna get talked out right now. That's why you're forced to talk about insecurities. Relax and when conversations die, get off the phone. If all she can remember is that you had nothing to say, she's gonna' get bored. You can't blame her for that. You also don't need to talk that much. Go out, and experience things together. Movies are great for not talking!

 

Just because you don't have much to say, doesn't mean you can't have a great time in your relationship.

 

S.A.M.

[beckieh]

Hi there. Two weeks isn't very long at all, but I think it's possibly long enough to know if there is any chemistry there at all. If there is not, that's okay, give yourself a break. I'm also not sure if you're over the love that you lost three months ago. That is such a hard thing to go through but hopefully you learned something from that relationship about yourself - and it sounds like you have. It does sound like you're worrying about what went wrong in your past relationship versus what's happening in your current relationship. If you like this girl, keep talking but don't push yourselves together. If there is chemistry it will show through. Maybe try talking to her a little less often (every other day instead of every day) or just call to say goodnight - it will give you more to talk about during those first few weeks of what can be awkward conversations. As far as your insecurities go, just take them one step at a time - everyone has insecurities, believe me! If this girl is worth your time, she'll be understanding, but just don't be in such a rush, have a little fun, that's what dating is for, right?! You're very well spoken so that is a positive thing you have going for you - good communication and that is a big step ahead of a lot of guys I know! Good luck!