I think my ex is crazy

[Big Jim]

Hi everyone,

Some of you have been reading my story on other threads, so you prob know the situation. However yesterday was a messed up day.

Friday night she went to the bar with the girls and called me before to say hi, she was in a bad mood so i kept it short. I went out drinking and left my cell at home, well when i got home there was 7 missed calls, all her, with messages accusing me of not answering my phone. I called her in the morning but she was sleeping, finally she called me in hte afternoon. Once again she was in a horrible mood, but i played it light hearted, joking around etc. She was saying she was tired and going to stay in a watch a movie, i was planning on the same so said lets hang out. I dont play the power games of who does what here, i was bored, she was bored, was not a big deal to me. She got all * * * * *y and was like i dont know, i might be seeing hte girls, making excuses. At this point i hit the roof, i was like "your constantly telling me you want to hang out, but i get the impression you dont ever want to see me, if this is the case tell me and im gone, ive been tryin to be there for you cause your having so many problems but i dont need if stuff if your stringing me along", she was like can we talk about this later, i said yes call me after, but the fight persisted to the point of 20 minutes of her saying everything i do wrong, how bad i am, etc, and then we are completely done, not friends, end of the line, i dont want to talk to you again etc, she yelled at me LEAVE ME ALONE, so i said fine goodbye and hung up.

Now this is the messed up part, four hours later my phone is ringing, i thought it was her bro (my friend) calling from their house. No, it was her. She was talking like normal, until i finailly said, well you must want something, you called me back, and she replied, "you asked me to!". Now did the harshest 20 minutes of our relationship just not happen?? i am so confused, i thought it was done, i was sure it was! She even asked me to come over, i said no, but then persisted to call me three times more that night. what the hell is going on????? I feel for this girl cause she is having so many problems with life, and i accept that sometimes im not all that understanding, but what am i to do???

[Hope75]

Are you broken up?

 

Why are you bothering with such inconsistancy?

[friscodj]

Yep, my diagnosis is definitely crazy...next!

[DN]

Not necessarily crazy - but very conflicted. I think that if you really want to keep talking to her you must remain very calm and be very patient - if you can't do that then go no contact. But perpetual rows and arguments will solve nothing.

 

Don't let her string you along or provoke you. If she wants to hang out, then do so, but if she starts prevaricating, then just say "OK, no problem, some other time" and keep going like that until she decides one way or the other if she wants to or not.

 

But at some point you are going to have to decide when enough is enough and you have to tell her to reconcile or leave you alone.

[JMevo]

Dude...they're all crazy

 

Just think about it. Accept that and you'll be 20/20

[BONO]

Do we have the same ex ????!!! Read my last few posts.

[Big Jim]

What are you doing with your situation then? No contact? limited contact?

[BONO]

Big Jim,

 

I am following The Perfect Plan to the letter and recieving advice along the way from Majord. Mate, its spooky cos its really starting to work and its in its first week. I will be posting on there later today.

 

It gives you a focus point to channel your energy. This is focussed not directly towards your ex but indirectly, making you emotionally strong and the ex insecure. Insecure tends to be attracted to secure.

[Big Jim]

Do you think i should as well. Just had a horrilbe nighttime converstion with her. She is kinda depressed and unhappy in general and seems to sometimes want to blame all of this on me, which i know is not the case. any thoughts??

[BONO]

You have two options, continue riding the emotional rollercoaster with her and getting exactly no where or adopt the plan. Someone said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again.

 

Does this help ?

[Big Jim]

But have i messed things permentaly by going this far then going NC? She is so hot and cold that i am going crazy. How long was it after breaking up that you went no contact?

[Pikey1972]

Big Jim, sorry to "mustle in" on your forum, hope you don't mind.

 

My ex and I broke up 3 months ago and I went NC yesterday.

 

For 3 months, I did LC and tried to be friends (I genuinely thought we could remain friends as my ex and I get on very well and have a lot of common interests). I was also hoping that, by maintaining LC, there might be a chance of rekindling the relationship.

 

After 3 months of this delicate balancing act (trying to analyse every word / action), I decided I could stand it no longer as the uncertainty was driving me mad and stopping me from moving on.

 

I wrote him a note explaining my feelings, and have now stopped e-mailing / phoning him. I was honest with him, telling him I cannot remain friends as I simply have too many "feelings" for him.

 

So in short, I went NC after 3 months!

 

I should have done it much sooner, immediately after the break-up. I'm convinced it would have helped me heal sooner.

[Big Jim]

How was the friendship for those three months. mine has been going from amazing and she is head over heels about me to being mad at me and taking her frustrations with life out on me. Also do you think he will miss you now and want to make things work, or is it done for good?

[Pikey1972]

The friendship went very well, Big Jim - we spent time on walks, going to the cinema, excursions etc. He even came over on New Year's Eve to plant a tree he had bought for me!

 

However - and this is just from my perspective - all these "fun things" just made me more insecure, as I had no idea whether my ex was being friendly purely out of guilt (he's the "dumper") or because he wanted to try again.

 

This insecurity in turn prevented me from moving on and healing. I never stopped hoping - each time he did something nice / sent a nice e-mail, I'd get my hopes up. In the end, I couldn't take any more of the hope and thought it best to grab the bull by the horns and tell him how I feel.

 

I honestly don't know whether he's missing me or not - the only reason for me going NC is to heal and move on and to focus on myself.

 

I do still really want to get back together with my ex and have told him so, but friendship just didn't work for me as it kept me hanging on, hoping for more. I don't know whether he'll contact me or not, as it's only been 2 days of NC.

 

I'm really sorry I have no better news for you, Big Jim. It's impossible to know what another person is thinking, so I figured that the only person I can look after is myself.

[Pikey1972]

Sorry for rambling on there, Big Jim!

 

What I meant to say was that I'm using NC to heal and move on, not to "win back" my ex.

 

It's still very difficult, but I know it was for the best - at least I no longer need to hear about his plans / any potential new girlfriends etc, etc, etc.

 

For me, hearing about any potential new girlfriends would be more devastating than going NC...

[Big Jim]

that is very true. The friendship between me and my ex was rocky to say the least. We would have an amazing time , get closer and closer, then she would pull back, and i would get upset. She is the master of mixed messages, probably due to the fact that she is ridicusously mixed up right now. Last week i pulled back and gave her space, she called me 2 in the mourning on saturday night, then again on sun, then on monday she was wanting to see me. Last night however, she was pissed at me for no reason and now i want to end this cause im tired of moods being taken out on me. just so confused