Should I maintain NC?

[Regretfulman]

I haven't been here recently, I was doing well forgetting my ex, even over the holidays, no contact was maintained. It has been 3 months since she left me, and 6 weeks since last contact. The last time there was contact, she initiated it, she called me and left a message, asking me to call her back, but I never did. I get the feeling she is mad at me for not returning her call, im very surprised she didn't wish me a merry christmas or happy new year.

 

Anyways, I thought once the holidays were over, I'd be set, but i was wrong. I actually think this no contact thing is harder now then it was 6 weeks ago. I guess i have a hard time accepting that maybe she isn't thinking of me anymore, she does have a new boyfriend, so it's understandable. I know she still cares, and of course i do too, but since she has a new man, it's made this whole thing much harder to deal with.

 

I'm a huge supporter of NC, i just wish it worked as well for me as it does for most others. I honestly feel im getting worse as time goes on now. I worry about her, i miss her, i dream of her, its horrible. The hardest thing for me to accept is the fact that i messed things up by not expressing my feelings to her when we were together. Now im dying to tell her how i feel, its really very depressing.

 

I'm thinking maybe i should reach out to her, let her know i still care, keep the lines open for communication. After all, im the one who turned down her last contact attempt. Maybe its my turn to reach out and touch base, and try to re-establish a friendship. I was thinking of dropping off some yellow flowers at her work, but not leaving a card or anything. Basically, let her wonder who sent them. the yellow roses mean friendship and reconciliation. I'm sure she will figure out it was me, but i want her to see im not taking credit for it by leaving a card, i want her to realize that its to brighten her day, not to make her think of me. Just a selfless gesture to let her know somebody cares out there. What do you guys think?

[DN]

Don't do it. If she was wanting to get back with you she would contact you.

 

I know this is hard but what you are going through now is the stage of no contact that makes you panic a little - because you still harbour hopes that you will get her back. Tough it out until you no longer worry about that because you have moved on. NC is hard, no one should pretend otherwise, but breaking it merely sends you backwards not forwards.

[Regretfulman]

i know... the only thing is, she was the last to contact me, and i feel like i ignored her and now she is mad, so even if she had something to tell me, i think right now she would be too proud to contact me, given the fact that i rejected her last attempt to talk.

[DN]

Sorry but I think that is wishful thinking - as I said if she really wanted you back she would not let one unreturned call stop her, pride or no pride. She would know why you did not respond and try again.

 

Unless you get a message saying "Please call me so we can talk about getting back together" - don't call.

[lady00]

Don't break NC. You mention that you want to leave her yellow roses just to brighten her day, not to make her think of you but then a couple lines before that you say that she will figure out that it's you who sent them, so you are trying to make her think of you, wonder how you are etc. It's not just a "selfless gesture" because for all you know, thinking about you right now or knowing you want to start a friendship may not be what she wants. I'd say, continue NC. Continue to heal. Later on down the line you will wonder why you even considered contacting her because you will be over it.

[NR498E]

I say giver her a call.The only reason I say this is because she did make the last effort to communicate.You never know what she is thinking and feeling.Whats the worst that can happen?Say she say she's in love with this guy.Well then you know it's really, really over.

 

I would always recomend staying NC, but because she did make the last attempt at contact, you can attempt to contact her without looking like a tool.

 

Whats the worst that can happen? Goodluck.

[newts]

DN is right, don't contact her, when somebody really wants you one little un returned call will not stop them from contacting you. Maybe she wanted to wish you a happy new year, if it was something else and it was important she would have kept trying to contact you.

 

They usually only give up contact when it has been rejected too many times - in your case it was only one message.