breakup of true love?

[greenie]

Here I am, just turned single a couple days ago. Not completely by my choice. My man, who just got back from overseas with the army decided he needs some space. This comes after talking to him about our future and if we have one or not (he said he saw a future with me and i would make a great wife). we were together almost 2 years. we broke up and he hugged me and stayed the night and held me close to him. we have since talked once which at that time he put his arm around me. he says the reason to break up was because our relationship was as positive (which i have to agree) and that he just doesn't want a relationship right now. apparently it's not me. he just doesn't want a relationship. well, he is 21 and i am 20 and we need to go somewhere besides this community college in Colorado. So he said that he would like to go somewhere near me. Because he still really wants to keep in touch because he likes my company.

If he likes me and thinks i am the wonderful person he says i am, why doesn't he want to be with me? Is he just leading me on or does it seem as though he wants to keep things open for the future? he says fate may bring us back together again and he feels he still loves me and seems just happy with me, but why not work through things? Should i wait around for him? I decided to just give him some time to himself to think about things, I need the time myself to figure things out for myself, this time won't hurt, but how long should i wait and should i? please help and any advice would be so welcome. thanks

[secret_agent_man]

At that age, he might be telling you the exact truth (Edit: by this I mean he probably does need space, and he knows before he commits or makes you commit, you guys need to mature on your own). It sounds as though your second idea was probably more likely, that he was wanting to keep things open for the future. Try to look at it positively. Live your own life and maybe fate will bring you back together. Who knows! Just let your life flow and take it's own path. Don't try to cling to something that might hold you back.

 

You don't really have to wait at all. Wait until you're comfortable. HE needed space. He didn't ask you to wait for him, that's why I think he's telling the truth about how he feels. He knows you need to live your life. If in the future you meet again, then re-evaluate the situation. It may be completely different next time around, or in the mean time, you may find someone you care for just as much or even more! Don't hold a defeatist attitude about it. Let yourself do what you know is right.

 

 

[greenie]

i agree with what you said, but adding to the background info about our relationship, i wonder if since we have broken up a couple times before (scoming back to eachother) if this is jsut going to repeat that. In a way i don't want it to be a repeat because it had just happened again. What would make this time any different if we got back together. I do love him so much and he loves me. His sister, who i talk to, says that he is very unselfish and that she sees this as being good for us. I do too, but she says she thinks he'll come back. This doesn't mean there is any truth to it, but any advice on how to tell if this is right for us. It feels like it, I just want to make sure I do mature over this time and am ready for a relationship, with him or someone else. I do look forward to having a lifelong companion, I'm not afraid of commitment. Any advice on how to get the most out of this time off? ( however long it may be) my gut still tells me i love him and my feelings have not really changed for him and he tells me he still loves me, but if we were to get back together, does that make me seem like less of a person to keep accepting him? I don't really care what others think ,but sometimes looking in from the outside, some things can be seen that can't be seen from the inside.

[secret_agent_man]

I guess my advice would be...

Make sure before you get back together, you've really given it enough time to grow. It could be years, but it's hard to say. Make sure before you jump back into it, you really discuss what you want, and stare as far into the future as you can. Don't be blinded by love, really think about what you want in your life. It's a really hard thing to do, trust me. Just talk and force it to happen slowly, as to not get caught up.

 

Make sure in this time apart, you really let yourself get over him as much as you can. Just because you are over him doesn't mean you can never be with him again, but it might be more true love later if you are over him and can fall in love all over again. You should really see other people and live your life. Don't keep yourself from serious relationships in hopes that he will come back, just let yourself go with the flow. New things can be better than you can imagine right now.

 

Hope this helps a bit, Let me know if you need anything else...

 

[notherenowhere]

greenie,

 

I didn't like the sound of it at all when he gave you the "i need space" routine. If is really is true love, you two should still be together (enough said). I totally agree with what you questioned. You said why doesn't he want you if he thinks you're such a wonderful person. You also said you've broken up a couple of times. Is he confused and doesn't know what he really wants? I don't think so. Since he ended it, he knew what he was doing. If he's confused and doesn't know what he really wants, you don't go and end a relationship based on that reasoning. I get the sense he feels there's someone out there that's more right for him. Sorry, I didn't mean to sound too negative but that's one possibility. Since he didn't want to continue it, maybe there's something that's missing or something that went away. Aside from the exceptions, IMHO the "i need space" line is usually an euphemism in that the person saying it has lost interest and doesn't want to continue the relationship. If this really is the end, then you can't wait for him. If he truly loves you, you two should still be together. I can see how frustrated and confused you must be.

[greenie]

Secret agent man

i must say you do give very complete advice. I reread your response today (after going kayaking and enjoying myself yeasterday evening) and I feel as though youhave steered me in the right direction. If he wants me back, we will need to seriously lay out what we expect and want and determine from there where to go. but for now, just space to grow on our own a little. I must say i am concerned (in the back of my mind) that we may grow apart. I hope this does not happen, and will try not to let it happen. I don't feel as though it is right for me to call him right now or for a couple weeks, just to give him some space. However, when we broke up he said he wanted to play tennis with me sometime this week, so im thinking I'll at least get a call from him, it not end up playing tennis with him.

I plan to have fun with him and play tennis, im not going to hold myself back and keep to doing nothing, but do you think he is trying to lead me on?

from another person's point of view, does this sound like a break up for good? I know you don't know all aspects and you don't need to answer, but i like hearing people's opinions. hence, the reason i post my thoughts and concerns. haha

[Maggiebebe]

well girl you have it pretty good, this guy seems like a sweetheart for being there for you. heres something i would do if i were in your shoes, i know im a little young (17) but i have learned a lot about love. TIME IS KEY TO ANYTHING, and it sucks cause we will never have enough of it. The people we meet are going to take up time in our lives...the ones we love will be with you forever.

 

what i mean is this man seems like he figured out he is not ready for a HUGE commitment, he wants someone there to love while he can still figure out what he wants, not like hes putting you off to the side, but more like hes going out and seeing if you really are the one. and believe me ITS NOT GOING TO COME BACK TO YOU AS EASY AS PEOPLE MAKE IT SEEM....please understand that this man probablly still loves you, but isn't in love with you, sometimes we need to give others time to figure out what they want, and if it is love everything the run into, and everyone they run into won't compare to who you are, and who he loved so dearly.

 

don't give up on him, but dont hastle him on love let him know you still love him, but you love him enough to see that he needs time to figure out what he needs in love and in life.

 

i hope i helped.

 

~Maggie

[greenie]

maggie,

thank you very much for your advice. as time goes on i am learning that he is just a bit unhappy with himself. as he puts it.

I don't know how to be tehre for him without pressuring him into anything

 

your advice was very nice, have you gone through something like this before? not to sound rude, but why am i lucky, i feel so bad for him. i feel as though there isnt a thing i can do to help him. the man i love sooo much.