Trying to have patience with my EX/Friend

[Knctrnl22]

The biggest problem that I have is that my ex girlfriend has problems because her dad left when she was five and has been alone with her mom ever since then.

 

Her mom is not exactly the best mom in the world-the problem that I have is that this girl can be sweet one minute and then not so sweet the next, I see her mom sometimes when I look at her. It really makes me sad because I know that she is a good person deep inside. The reason why this is a problem to me is that one minute she will leave me a sweet message that says that she wants to do something with me and the next minute she says she is unable to and sounds really stressed out.

 

There really isn't anything that I can do to improve her life anymore because she wants to run it by herself. I just think that it would be easier for her and me if she would let me in, she is gradually letting me in again but at the same time she retreats. I guess she doesn't really want to be with me in any serious way which would be okay with me but I just want her to not push me away as much as she does.

 

She talks about a lot of stuff and she seems really strong but I know that she isn't, I know that deep inside she needs love from her mom and dad and I can't giver her that. I just want to know if she will turn out okay by herself thats all. She doesn't have the greatest social skills when it comes to how to behave in a large group of people. How I wish things were different, how I wish she could calm down and not be in such a hurry with life and stressed out, atleast just a tad. I have so many wishes for her that I can't say them all.

 

I will sacrifice myself and be there for her nomatter how much it hurts me hoping that things will be fine.

 

I myself need help with letting go of her but I choose not to, I did think that she was the one that completed me but I don't think that anymore I should complete myself.

 

I know I still must go on with my life

[kdreger]

Sorry to say, there's nothing you can do.

 

You see this a lot actually. People struggling in their adult lifes with issues from their childhood. You, yourself, know that you can't give her the love of her parents - she has to come to terms with that in time. Don't worry so much about it though, a lot of people struggle with this and it takes time to learn to love yourself enough not need that love. She just hasn't learned that yet.

 

Don't stay if it's unhealthy for you emotionally or spiritually. If it hurts too much, take a break from it. If you do stay, don't try to change her, just listen to her and be a friend.

[secret_agent_man]

Yes, you may want to just leave the situation. Never claim responsibility for someone elses life. If it feels like too much, maybe it is... and you may have to let go completely. It's hard, but it's a part of life.

 

But, If you do want to stay in her life, it sounds like you're doing just about all you can do. Be there for her, and help her when she needs it. She probably won't let you in or is scared to because of what rubbed off from her mom. The fact that her dad left when she was so young has a huge impact on her relationships. It creates a trust issue and she'll probably push at you to steer herself clear of risking the same situation her mom was in. Just be there as much as you can, she may eventually let you in, and she probably needs someone stable like you around.

 

If she does open up, she'll be very thankful for all of your efforts, trust in that. Hard work does pay off, especially when it's something like this. Just don't do it unless you are sure you can handle it.

 

Hang in.

[Knctrnl22]

You guys/gals are great thank you very much for the enlightment!