Is there any hope

[bk]

I have only been dating this girl for a few months now, but she left on a trip for a week, and upon returning, she says she's done some thinking and things have changed since we first started going out. She says she just doesn't feel as attracted and now wants to "just be friends", which is the worst line I ever wanted to hear. This was only a few days ago and even though we've dated only a short time, I totally thought she was the one, perfect in every way. Millions of thoughts have been racing through my head, trying to analyze where I went wrong. The only thing I can think of is that I'm not very aggressive and tend to not share all my emotions for fear of looking stupid or going to fast, and this maybe led her to be bored of me. Anyway, is this a hopeless situation or is there something I could do to maybe regain her interest in me. This all started with her being heavily attracted to me in the beggining and I just decided to give it a try and it turned out that I liked her more than I could have imagined. I also want to add she's not seeing anyone else, and we have somewhat maintained contact through messaging. I feel so lost and hurt, like the pain won't ever go away and I can't get rid of the thoughts of how much I envisioned us being together. Sorry for the long rant, but what can I do?

[segagirl]

Why is it people go away for vacation and come back all different! I am sorry to hear about the trouble you are having with the girl you really adore....

I am wondering if she talked to you at all about any issues she was having? Was there any warning? When she broke it off did she give any real reasons? If not I think you should let her know you would be interested in knowing these things (to help you better deal with the situation). Let her know it's for your growth effort only.

What this will do in actuality is open her up to talk about what is really going on, which will more than likely get her closer to you. And if its things you can change, then change them with actions...not words..don't state your case..or say well I did this because...etc. Just take the information, thank her for sharing...express yourself a little...and then change with action.

[bk]

That's the thing, there was absolutely no warning at all. The day she got back when I called we talked as usual, then right at the end she says I need to tell you something. Immediately I was like this can't be good, and sure enough she says basically that she's lost her attraction that she once had to me. She never before this said anything was bothering her or she didn't feel comfortable, and like I said she's not seeing anyone else. She gave me the typical line "it's not you, it's me" thing, and I think we would just be better off being friends. I didn't know how to respond and I don't know if being friends means she would reconsider in the future, or if it simply means I don't want to go out with but don't want to say directly. Thank you for your advice so far.

[segagirl]

As I stated before I think you really need to approach her on this topic and ask her for the details. You have to dig a little. She is not telling you something, she does not want to hurt you.

Let her know that it is safe for her to express what is going on (like what parts she is not attracted too etc) and that you will not take any offense.

Some people don't get that the original intense feelings do tend to fade, but that does not mean you up and bail. relationships take work, communication and letting your partner know when you need to do something new and fun with them. I am sorry she did not talk to you first, you had no opportunity to make it better...

[fenstrt]

I totally agree with segagirl, the biggest part of a relationship is the actual relationship between the people. without any communcation, a relationship doesn't exist. You need to talk to her, and you also need to share with her. if she's "the one" you shouldn't be afraid of feeling stupid or being a moron. Once you open up to someone, they'll accept you much better. stop worrying about what you did wrong. you can't knwo unless she tells you. you have to make the effort to share yourself, and maybe she'll share too. in EVERY relationship, the physical lust will fade, then theres a period where it takes a lot of work to see what you used to in the person, but if you make it that far, it's worth it. Basically, don't worry about how you seem, because anyone in a relationship will love that you're you.

[Bacon777]

I think that line should be illegal. "Let's be friends is the most used break-up line ever." But 9 times out of 10 they don't even want to be friends. They are just thinking of an easy way to break-up. I wish people in this world were more honest, they could just say "Well the truth is your best friend made me go out with you and I never really liked you." Or even "I think that stoned kid over there is a little hotter than you, I think I'm getting into drugs so I can get him." We all know thats what some of them really mean.