I am in shock that this is happening to me

[theantibarbie23]

The other night I felt something similar to that of when I was pregnant and used to get kicked by my daughter. I thought I was imagining things and went to bed. Since then I have been feeling these kicks quite often. Some of them are pretty strong and once I was actually woken up out of a dead sleep because I felt like something was being jammed into my bladder. My daughter used to do that ALL the time. There isn't a single doubt in my mind now that I'm pregnant.

 

I don't understand how there weren't any visable signs before I was this far along. I have been wracking my brain but have come up with nothing. I have a condition that only causes me to get my period once a year so I didn't have that to go by. I never felt sick or had a single craving. I really don't have any other signs of being pregnant other than the baby beating me up from the inside.

 

I have no clue how far along I actually am, only that I can't be more than five and a half months. My first born just turned seven months and we did have unprotected sex once about six weeks later.

 

I've been out drinking a few times since I gave birth to my daughter, had the flu and took a ton of medications for it. I am really freaked out that there could be something wrong with the fetus now. I can't go get an ultrasound just yet ethier as I just started working as a contractor from home and no longer have insurance. I'll have to apply for state insurance first but if I wait that long, I may no longer be able to have an abortion if I decide that I want to go that route.

 

Having two children that close together in age sounds like it would be a nightmare. I'm not sure if I can handle it. This whole thing has me feeling very anxious and depressed. This all just seems too surreal. I keep half expecting to wake up.

[Itsok]

Well this is all shocking and frightening for you. Sometimes women have no symptoms at all of being pregnant. On the other hand, did you maybe dismiss some signals as ones caused from just having a baby? Being tired, etc? Having the flu that you thought you had? Are you sure that wasn't a sign of being pregnant?

 

Perhaps you should take a pregnancy test before jumping to conclusions?

 

Don't panic too much yet about taking medications and such. I would apply for state insurance in a hurry and phone and ask someone what you can do. I'm sure they could put an urgent claim through if you talked to the right person.

 

Talk it over with someone before jumping to any conclusions, it will be alright one way or another

[KweenofDenyl]

Oy. Before you go nuts, can you get this confirmed? I guess I'd still be holding out hope that it's gas or something...since you don't have insurance you could go to PlannedParenthood or a low-cost clinic (depending on where you live).

I know it's hard not to, but try not to freak out about drinking etc.--drinking a few times has about a one in a bajillion chance of doing something to the fetus, same with meds--those great big warnings about meds are mostly to prevent lawsuits...

 

If you got pregnant 6 wks after baby was born that would make you 5 and a half months now--too late for an abortion anyway. Plus, (and especially so soon after baby#1) wouldn't you be able to tell just by looking in a mirror???

Keep us posted. (no pun intended)

[KweenofDenyl]

And one more thing--if you ARE preggers, state insurance should back date for anything related to the pregnancy--PM me for details if you'd like, this just happens to be my area of expertise

[darkblue]

Do you know that you are pregnant?

Have you took a pregnancy test?

[theantibarbie23]

Plus, (and especially so soon after baby#1) wouldn't you be able to tell just by looking in a mirror???

Keep us posted. (no pun intended)

 

I've always been a big girl and when I got pregnant, I didn't gain much weight and didn't really look pregnant, even in my eighth month (never did make it to nine).

 

I took a home test, that was positive. I will be going to Planned Parenthood Monday to confirm but I know what I've been feeling isn't gas or my imagination. I wish it was but it's not.

[Shadows Light]

Take a deeeeeepppp breath. You'll be ok. Go and get a pregnancy test to confirm it.

 

Having two children this close in age can be a challenge... but its been done. A child is a blessing. You'll be ok. Nothing you can't handled. It'll be ok.

 

As far as the flu, drinking and cold medications. While not ideal.... I wouldn't stress right now. Before we had all this "data" babies were born everyday to mothers who drank heavily on a daily basis.. used drugs.. etc etc. and the babies have survived and done well.

 

Go get yourself tested. 1st step.. then we'll deal with the next step.

[darkblue]

What kind of an option is abortion to you? What does your partner think?

[theantibarbie23]

What kind of an option is abortion to you? What does your partner think?

 

Abortion is something I never really contemplated doing before now. I feel very dettached emotionally compared to when I found out about my first pregnancy. I am very scared about not being able to handle two small children at the same time. I am not sure I am strong enough to cope.

 

My fiance doesn't know what to make of it, he says it's going to take a few days to process all this.

[venus777]

i can't imagine it's that far along. even if that was the only time you had unprotected sex, you can still get pregnant with protected sex, the condom fails at times, sex is messy, there's something like a 3% failure rate, low, but hey, I know many people that have gotten pregnant using things with a 1% failure rate, but that's cause I work at a clinic with pregnant women.

[theantibarbie23]

i can't imagine it's that far along.

I would agree with you if it weren't for the kicking. I'm not talking about the fluttery feeling you can feel early on sometimes, this is like someone is acting out a scene from the latest Jet Li movie in my stomach.

[Shadows Light]

Anitbarbie... you WILL be able to handle it. Tell yourself that. Say to yourself.."I WILL" "I WILL" "I WILL" ....there are mom's who've had twins, triplets... heck look at some of the stories on big multiples.. 4,5,6...and 7 You are having ONE!!!!

 

My GF had a set of twins. And it wasn't the best time for her to be having another baby. Work, Money, her youngest of 2 at that time was 3... and a very very very active ADHD child.

 

Guess what??? 3 years later.. she's doing it. She's tired.. she's stretched...but she's doing it. She's been a true WARRIORESS through it.

 

Your sig other is just going to have the slack. There's nothing else for it.

 

You'll be ok!!!!! and your just not excited because this is soooo unexpected. You'll be ok. Where there is a WILL there is a way. Comes the day.... comes the way. YOU WILL be fine. Just keep telling yourself that... " I WILL BE AWESOME"...

[theantibarbie23]

Planned Parenthood is closed today! UGH! This waiting is killing me.

[RayKay]

Wow antibarbie!

 

I knew of a woman that like you, had rare periods (she had PID) and she did not know she was pregnant until she went into labour....she had some fluey symptoms, which can of course in retrospect indicate a possible pregnancy, but she had no idea other then that! So for those naysayers, it is possible! Some people don't show, and don't have symptoms through most of it! I had another friend whom did not know she was pregnant until her baby kicked (about 5 months in) as she was still having periods...lighter then usual, but she still was having regular periods! She too had flu-like symptoms, but thought little of it.

 

I would make sure you tell your doctor you had no idea, and about your medications and drinking, and get some amniocentesis tests done if possible. While there IS a risk, it may also be the case the child is fine. I assume you were not drinking heavily early on in the pregnancy as you had just delivered a baby too (were you breastfeeding?) which is the more crucial time. Did you know at one point, it was even recommended that women drink a pint of Guiness/stout every day while pregnant Of course, they don't know how much causes problems, but right now just hope for the best, and be honest with the doctors.

 

As for having the children so close together....there are benefits to that as well. You can raise them together, not worrying about them being in dramatic different age groups and having dramatically different needs/schedules. In some ways you are still IN baby mode, so the transition is small...I know a lot of people whom WANT to space their kids very close so they can raise them at "one time" basically.

 

You are also still detached as the whole idea is so new, it was not planned, it was sprung on you. Give it some time to settle, get yourself an OB/GYN, talk with your fiance, and I think you will find yourself looking forward and loving this one as much as the last time around

[RayKay]

What kind of an option is abortion to you? What does your partner think?

 

If the baby is kicking, my guess is she at least 4-6 months along (which matches with the unprotected sex time), which puts it into later term abortions, which are harder to obtain in many places without medical reason, and often mentally harder as well. They are a lot more unpleasant too, and often recommended only for cases of severe illness, disability and so forth.

 

She should discuss it of course with her doctor though.

[theantibarbie23]

Well, I'm still going for the test but I no longer think I need it. I was just lying down on my stomach and suddenly felt kind of wet suddenly, I get up and the front of my shirt is soaked in two small places..... I'm lactating!

 

This is all happening too fast... my head is swimming.

[Shadows Light]

Lactating Already????? ok you don't want to hear this but now I'm jealous.

 

I nursed both my kids. And had to wait for milk to come in post larbor...

 

Lucky girl.

 

Calm down. Its ok. You arn't the first or the last to have this happen to you. Everything will be ok. You'll manage. You'll be great. You are a good mommy.

 

Whats your biggest concern other than that they are close together?

 

Just think of it this way.. you'll get it done and over with. In one big swoop.

 

What do you have now? A boy or a girl? My oldest was a girl.. and I so wanted another girl. LOL I got my wish.

 

Look I know you're freaking out now. But it will truly be ok. Sending you calming thoughts, calmomile tea.... and cyber hugs.

[KweenofDenyl]

How old did you say your baby is? I think you said 7 months...so they will be less than a year apart, no? I had a friend that got pregnant 6 wks after and then delivered prematurely by two months with the second...so she had a very special needs baby in addition to the first...I spent a lot of time helping her and her biggest problem was (honestly) trying to take two infant carseats into the grocery store. (no room for grocieries in the cart if you do!)

It's mostly logistical. Anyone who has ever experienced an unwanted pregnancy and decided to keep and raise the child (as I have) will tell you the same thing--your love for the baby is just as great and truly, even though it seems overwhelming and exhausting just to THINK about it-- it will get better. In fact, since you've been pregnant for several months now, it's probably WHY you're so tired!

 

To tell you the truth, I'm a little jealous that you could go the first 5 months or so and not even know--my 1st was wretched (for numerous reasons) and my second even more so. I had a lovely condition called hyperemesis gravidarum which causes constant nausea and vomiting while pregnant. I was so dehydrated I was hospitalized 5 times and the whole time the pastor at my ex husbands church was telling me that if I was a better wife my husband wouldn't need to hit me.

 

Anywho, once the initial shock wears off in a few days and all is confirmed by the doc and you know that it's all good health-wise, your anxiety level will come down...just in time to break out the baby name book!

[theantibarbie23]

Whats your biggest concern other than that they are close together?

 

Right now my biggest concern is a lack of support. I am basically rasing this child by myself. Her daddy is always working or complaining about being exhausted and needing to rest. He is very good with her when he spends time with her but he won't take her for more than a half an hour or so before he's handing her back over to me. I've tried talking to him about it but it gets me nowhere.

 

My mom is practically raising my sister's child but won't be bothered with mine. My daughter was born with health problems and spent the first two weeks of her life in NICU. When I brought her home my mom was supposed to help me with her for a week. She had promised me that since I told her I was pregnant. Yet when the time came, she didn't even spend a day here. She stopped by for an hour.

 

My sister promised to help me out too. Yet, she has only stopped by once and didn't even stay for ten minutes. My friends are all very busy. Most of them have two jobs or are finishing up school and working full time. Many of them have moved far away.... I am in this alone.

 

When all three of us (baby, dad, and I) had the flu it was me whom had to take care of everyone. Even though I had a fever over 102 and felt sick as a dog, no one came by to see me or asked if I needed anything. Yeah, I've always been the strong one in the family but, I'm not wonder woman!

 

I work full time, take care of my baby, cook, clean, do the laundry... I don't have the time, patience, or energy for another baby. I feel so overwhelmed as it is. ](*,)

[Itsok]

I am so sorry you are going through all this and feel like you have no help. If you really feel that you are completely unable to take on another child, maybe it would be best to give the child up for adoption if abortion isn't an option?

 

Talk to your spouse about this and tell him straight up that if he can't pull more weight around the house and with life in general that you are unable to keep the child, it's that simple. You can't do it all by yourself and no one should expect you to. You work all day too, it's not as if you are a stay at home mom...he should be helping more than he is instead of sitting back enjoying the traditional "men sit around, women do everything" attitude.

 

The other option if you want to keep the child is to hire someone to come by even a few hours a day to help you with things around the house and for some 'mental support.' There are many 'nanny' type agencies, or even consider taking a university student. There are many uni students looking for jobs in day-care with a bit of flexibility...what better experience for them? You wouldn't have to pay them huge amounts, and they are eager to show they are capable with children...they are in education, psychology, social work, etc.

 

Something to think about...

[theantibarbie23]

Well it's official.... I am pregnant and because of my wacky once a year period and the fact that the clinic I went to had a very sucky ultrasound machine, was told that I am between 22 and 26 weeks.

 

When I told my fiance he grabbed his jacket and left without saying a word. Now, he's in the other room and isn't on speaking terms with me. I think he must believe I am lying about not knowing I was pregnant for this long. It makes me feel so incredibly bad.

 

I tried calling my sister with the news and she kept asking how I didn't know and suceeded in making me feel worse. I spoke to my best friend whom asked if I wanted to get out of the house for a couple of hours tomorrow.

 

Tomorrow I may not be a hysterical mess... I was tonight. I REALLY needed someone to offer me some comfort today. I needed a big hug, a few encouraging words from a loved one, and maybe even a sundae. I feel like no one cared enough to even bother. I'm so depressed right now, I can't stand it.

[Shadows Light]

I hear you. My husband was particularly worthless when it came to giving me hand with the kids. I'd pull an all nighter with a kid with an ear infection and have to go into work the next day. ohhh yeah. I hear you.

 

Well.. as another poster just said.. pull up your bootstraps and give him a piece of your mind. You didn't create these kids on your own.

 

hmmmmmm and if he doesn't. Well... you don't wash his laundry. You don't cook his dinner. You don't do anything for him. You'll have your hands full as it is. He's on his own. And see if that helps you get some leverage.

 

Support system. What the flip is up with mom???? gosh you must be upset. I would be. Well theres nothing you can do about it. Except be more honest with her.. tell her POINT BLANK how you feel. And let her sift through them cookies. In the mean time.. you need to find yourself a support system. Being a working mom closes the doors on the stay-at-home mom gang. So.. maybe you join a baby gym. How about your local YMCA. There are Baby and Me classes going on all the time. You can meet other moms that way. And you can help each other out. At least from a support system point of view... to be able to get out for a few hours w/ another mom. The Y also has baby sitting services where you can go take a class and have them watch your baby's for an hour. If you can get out a few hours and at least have someone to talk to you won't feel so overwhelmed. Can you meet some of your neighbors who have children too???

 

How are your fiances??? can you afford to have help come in every few weeks? can you afford a babysitter every few weeks? How about you make a deal with your sister. One night a week you take her kids... and one night a week she takes yours. Giving you ONE night a week for YOU.. to catch up on whatever.. or just to sleep.

[Shadows Light]

We must have been writing at the same time. I just caught your confirmation email.

 

Your husband needs a smack right upside the head!!! what a nudge.

 

Sorry... but he's acting as if he's going to somehow be inconvenienced through no fault of his own. Had he thought to put on a condom.. Hmmmmm geeezeee.

 

Sending you big big big cyber hugs!!!! if I could make you a huge sundae... and cyber it over to you w/ my star treck transporter.. it'd be there.

 

You'll be ok sweet-heart... its just quite a shock right now. I know you can handle this.. it'll be oooookkkkkk.

[darkblue]

Oh barbie,

 

Does he not realise that it takes two to tango? Or is he under the illusion that babies are ordered, and shipped through mail?

What an understanding male....

 

Stuff him - you don't need that stress. Talk to us, let us support you.

You can do this. Of course you can. You are a woman, and soon to be a mother.

Embrace it, and don't care what he thinks, for the moment. This is a time when you need comfort.

 

My PM box is open, and we are here.

[Shadows Light]

Haven't heard from you in a few days. Hope you are feeling better about all of this. Don't give hubby a second thought... in fact if he's still being a pain in the * * * *.. then next time you do laundry.. STARTCH HIS SHORTS.. give him a PAIN IN THE * * * *.

 

No need for words. NO need for arguments. Just a quiet statement that lets him know... he's beeing a booger!!!