dating a two-time loser

[mryoung]

would you date a guy, whose been divorced twice and his second marriage ended shortly after the honeymoon.

[newts]

Certainly not! Sounds like a love addict to me. The only thing you can do with people like that is be their friend, take it slowly and if 6 months or so down the track something on and intimate level happens, great. Don't rush anything, it sounds as though this person is very needy and insecure and needs to find love within themsleves before they can truly love somebody else.

[Hope75]

Based on just those facts, probably not. However, is there more to him than just two failed marriages?

 

Why do you ask?

[shyanne]

if you really like him, then get to know him better. maybe it wasn't his fault, maybe he just isn't lucky in love. do you think he is worth getting to know better. follow your heart.

[Shadows Light]

2 failed marriages and his second one ended shortly after the honeymoon??

 

ehhhhh no... probably not. Date him sure thing. Shack up.. possibly. He's been married twice... whats the point???

 

No seriously .. I think he may need to take his time and date someone for a while. Figure out who he is.. what he wants out of life... maybe figure out why he makes the choices he does..... I would think this question more fitting to this particular gentleman... would he venture to step up to the plate again?

[smittenkitten]

Absolutely! That's not a whole lot of information to go on, but I wouldn't hold his past against him. I don't think you can infer that someone is a love addict or has issues based on the fact that they've been married twice- even if the second marriage did end shortly after the honeymoon! There might be a darned good reason for it.

 

I'd want to get to know the guy and decide for myself based on his character, not his past.

 

I have a really good friend (ex-boyfriend from 10 years ago, actually) who's been married 2 times. He and I talked a lot about his feelings of failure about his marriages, and at one time he felt very depressed and hopeless about it. He felt the same way- that no one would give him a chance because he was a "loser".

 

He's not. He's one of the most loving, giving, genuine men I know. If anyone deserves to be in a happy relationship, it's him. Just because a marriage fails, doesn't mean the people involved were wrong to get married. It doesn't mean they didn't love each other. Sometimes people just grow apart.

 

I was really happy to hear that he's just gotten engaged to his current girlfriend (now fiancee, obviously!) He looks so happy. I hope it works out for him.

 

Maybe some guys just need more practice than others!

 

I'd be more likely to date someone who has been married and divorced (even more than once!) than to date someone in his late 30's or 40's who's never been married. At least I know the former can make a commitment! (Or at least do his darned best!)

 

I'd love to hear more about this subject, if you'd like to elaborate. Is this you, yourself you're referring to?

[finneganswake]

I would like to think there are very valid reasons for getting divorced. Getting married these days isn't exactly cheap (unless these were shotgun Vegas weddings), so I would think they would have been serious endeavors. And despite the fact that a lot of women think that men are the reasons that marriages flounder, women can be just as responsible. Maybe his wives cheated on him, or concealed something important, was abusive in some way, etc.

 

If one ended shortly after the honeymoon, that would be an annulment, which is different than divorce. Whereas a divorce cancels a valid marriage, an annulment recognizes that the marriage was never valid because some impediment prevented a valid marriage. If an annulment did happen and he asked for it, his second wife in some way misrepresented herself (i.e fraud, married to someone else at the time of marriage, under the influence of drugs/alcohol at the time of marriage) or would not connsumate the marriage or agree to live with him. I'm no family lawyer, but annulments are typically allowed for a period of up to one year after a marriage. I would think that this would change the situation a bit.

 

Get to know him better and see for yourself. After all, its just dating, not marriage you're talking about! But your reasons for concern are valid and don't be afraid to bring it up when you feel it is important. More important than the fact he has had two failed marriages is his reaction to your concern; if he speaks of them in a matter-of-a-fact and honest way and is open to discussion with you, then I would take that as a good sign. If he tries to avoid the topic, offers spartan explainations or resorts to calling his exes mean names and starts spewing hate for them, those are bad signs!