Such A Stupid Complicated Thing, And I'm Still Confused As Ever!!!

[mikey24]

Okay, so maybe I need more females opinions about this. I'm not sure. I have posted a few times about this, and I'm just wondering how long does it take for a woman to get over her ex in a serious relationship? I've been dating this girl for over 2 months, and it's like we get so close to something, and then it goes away..pretty much I take 3 steps forward, and she takes 3 steps back. This is the 2nd time we are dating, I met her a few years ago. I want her in my life so bad, and she tells me that she likes me alot, she cares about me alot, and says that we would make a great couple, and yet she still is "confused". She had been seeing this guy off and on for a few years, and she dumped him in November 2005. That's when she called me..I found this out a few days ago. I asked her if I was some kind of "rebound", and she said "no way", she just said that she wants to be with me, but she still loves and cares about her ex. Now alot of you have always said, don't state your feelings or anything like this, especially in this situation, but I took a big risk and did on New Year's Day on her voicemail when I had been drinking. We didn't talk for about a week, which was rare. Pretty much I was doing closure myself. Well, it worked and I think it scared her. Now she's calling me like crazy, wanting to see me, etc., BUT she is still very "confused". She says she knows her and her ex are bad for each other, and that's why she dumped him, so what in the world is going on here? I'm confused myself. Should I just keep waiting and relax, or what? I see her a few times a week, and we always have fun. We are very affectionate with each other and everything, that's why Still I don't understand. I mean, how long does it take for someone to get over her ex? Oh, and just yesterday, she texts me saying "I want to sleep with you". I think she meant just cuddle together, because she is not forward like that alot, but however she was meaning it, it's weird. I'm stuck, please help!

[goodquestion]

Hey man, if she's "confused", and still talks about her "ex", then you are not #1, no matter how much she tries to reassure you. I know what it's like to want someone so bad it hurts, and they jerk you around ... but then I realized, "what in the world did i do to deserve that type of treatment?". It's not an issue of bravery, or putting up with her cold-hot behaviour, it's an issue of her jerking you around. If you're confused, then it's no good ... nevermind if she's confused, you can't fix her.

 

A lot of this may sound brutal, but I learned through a lot of things, to bottom line everything, forget trying to make sense of her "emotions", you'll never be able to. If she can't move on, and you allow her to keep stepping backwards, she continues to get the benefits of "you", without the commitment. Also, she'll never admit to you being a rebound ...

 

later,peace

[Ran_into_a_rainbow]

May I suggest something from a different angle?....Perhaps what you need to do is take the reigns and be the MAN (I'm not suggesting that you're not but sometimes a woman likes to be held by the hand with these things).

 

I only say this because I was also extremely timid about entering into a relationship with my current guy. He knew that I was terrified of being hurt but he took the lead and has been very good about not pushing me but at the same time also "guiding me" through our dating experience. He could sense that I held back a lot, but with his gentle persuasion and never ending patience, he's managed to gain almost 100% of my trust. I admire him for this and it has helped me forget my past.

So I say, keep your chin up...keep being the wonderful person you are and she will eventually be convinced that you are great for her! Cheers!

[mikey24]

Hey Rainbow,

 

That all makes sense, but its been 2 months? Is that a normal period of time? Plus, it's very hard sometimes to get her alone with me. When we first dated in 2003, there was no problem, but now I sense she kind of does. I think it's the trust factor with me. She likes to have a friend with her, or my friends at least around. Why? Is that normal as well? You think she will come around eventually?, I mean she is saying all this "I want you, I care for you, I like you alot, etc.", so I guess its getting better, but you tell me. Thanks!

[diamondprincess]

well if she just broke up with him in nov 2005, and they have been on and off for a few years, she needs time to be alone and find out what it is that she wants, because basically she cant have you and the other guy.