Im so confused, what are the chances?

[Teapot]

I'm really worried at the moment that I may have an STI, I don't know if this is the place where I should put it, but it seemed the best place to me. I just want to tell you that I don't sleep around and I'm not a horrible or dirty person.

 

Let me tell you the story of how this came about first:

 

I went to a Christmas party at my friends house, like a house party, I have recently split up with my boyfriend of over a year, who is the only person I have ever slept with. While I was there this boy came up to me and we were kissing and things and then he dissappeared and came back with a condom and said "I think we should go somewhere a little bit quieter", I wasn't sure what to do, but in the end I followed him, I was quite drunk by this point and your common sense sort of dissappears doesn't it? I don't think I would of done it otherwise. We went to this extension thing that wasn't even a proper room, I didn't really like it in there, but stupidly I carried on because I didn't dare say no to him, I'm not the sort of person who can do that, I don't like getting embarrassed or hurting other pepole's feelings or embarrassing them, so I just carried on. He put the condom on and then well, yeah, but he couldn't get hard and he never went inside me. He blamed the condom for some reason and took it off, by that time I was just sat there regretting going up there with him, I felt stupid and like I shouldn't be there, but he said we should try again. So we did, but again he didn't go inside me, but this time he didn't have any protection on. About a minute later, I just told him to stop because it wasn't working, and we went back to the party and didn't really speak again that night. The next day this boy I know was talking to me about it and he said this boy I had nearly had sex with had Syphilis, I laughed and said don't be stupid and then he said to me that this boy had had unprotected sex with this certain girl before loads of times, I don't know who she is, he said everybody knew she had Syphilis, so he probably did too. I didn't believe him because he was sort of laughing at the same time, and I knew he didn't like the idea of me and this boy together anyway. I totally forgot about it, but then the other day I suddenly remembered, now I'm really worried. I asked this boy's friend about it, and he said that it was bulls**t and the boy who had told me about this girl with Syphilis was more likely to have it than the boy I nearly had sex with. But still I'm worried, I read somewhere that you get a blister inside your vagina somewhere a few weeks later, well its nearly 3 weeks ago now. It may sound really horrible but I have felt inside me and I have these really tiny pimples inside my vagina. And it feels like there are tears and small lumps inside me that I never noticed before. I could just be noticing these more because I'm paranoid and searching for anything that is there. I have also looked in a mirror, (sorry for the detail but I need to know) and it looks really strange inside, but it just looks like the flesh inside me that has awlays been there not something that has just appeared. But it just feels strange, not almost smooth, just on the inside, but like bits have been taken away or torn. I don't really know what is going on, but I'm really scared, and I hate the idea of going to a clinic!

 

Please can anybody help me or give me some adive? What are the chances of me getting it just by him touching me on the outside for about a minute? I mean he might not even have it? But I don't know who he would tell or who to believe. Please just give me anything to help me.

 

I'd really appreciate it.

[LiquidCherry]

Sypyilis can be very serious, even deadly, but if caught early enough it can be cured. I believe that there are three stages, the first being a painless lesion. Often females don't notice it because it is inside and males often discount it as there is no discomfort and the lesion goes away on its' own.

 

Many STI's are spread through skin to skin contact and do not require bodily fluid transfer while others do. I cannot tell you anything other than that you did engage in behaviors that would put your health at risk. STI's often don't have symptoms and so many individuals are unaware that they have one.

 

My advice to you would be to go to a clinic get checked out for STI's. Have a culture and get blood work done. You may have to go back in a few months because sometimes it takes your body awhile to show a response which can lead to a false negative if the test is done too early.

 

Don't be ashamed. Anyone who calls you "horrible" or "dirty" is only immature. Anyone who is sexually active is at risk of an STI regardless if they've been with 1 or a 1001. It's important to "know who your friends are" if you know what I mean.

[Teapot]

I'm really really scared though. What will they do if I go to the clinic? Me and my ex boyfriend are still really good friends, but when he found out about me and this boy he went mad, saying he was wrong for me, I told him I regretted it but he won't listen. I know it sounds stupid, but if I went to a clinci I would feel like I had to tell him, but I'm scared it will totally ruin everything we have. Plus I have had sex with him since, and I dont want to put him in danger, that's why I want to be certain. But I'm so scared of what will happen and what my ex boyfriend will say. Should I just come out with it and ask the boy? I don't know how to approach him.

 

I'm so scared.

[LiquidCherry]

I know you're scared, I've been in a similar situation myself and many others have as well. When you go to the clinic no one will judge you. Most people are there because they care, truly care about your (sexual) health.

 

Have you ever had a pap smear? For the most part the appointment is pretty much like that. They may ask you some questions to try and better understand what you may be at risk for. And the blood work, well that's not a big deal unless you have a thing with needles.

 

I don't think asking the other guy you had sex with would tell you much of anything. He could lie or he could honestly think he has nothing when in fact he does. The only way to truly be sure is to get tested.

 

Some people might say that as long as you are using condoms with your ex you need not tell him. Others would say that even condoms don't offer protection against several STI's including HSV and HPV. It truly is none of his business who you have slept with since your split but it might be best to hold off sexual relations until you know your status for certain.

[LiquidCherry]

P.S. What would be most scary is if you simply did nothing and assumed everything was fine. Your sexual health is something only you can take responsibility for and what is scarier than a STI is an untreated STI.

[Relationship Coach]

FM,

Go get tested, it's the only way to be certain. Wait for the results then you can decide what you need to tell your ex or the other guy. This should be a great lesson for you and a traumatic one as well. Get tested right away so you will know and get treatment if needed.

[Teapot]

What will they do then? I've never had a smear test or anything like that, won't I be really embarrassed? I haven't used a condom with my ex, I know it's stupid but we just never really have, he just pulls out. and yes I know it's risky but it's worked so far, I am planning to go back on the pill though. We made a promise never to lie to each other and tell each other everything, I feel like I am betraying him if I don't tell him. But I know if I do I could make our friendship go really wrong, he hates the idea of me with that boy and won't speak about it at all, I don't know how I could tell him that I'd caught something, he knows we nearly had sex. but thats it, he doesn't know anything else. Im really scared and he's the only person I want right now, I need him to help me, but if I tell him I could ruin everything. And if I do have it then I'll have to tell him, and that would be relly scary. What should I do, tell him and let him come round? Or just wait and see the results and then tell him either way? I would feel so guilty if I didn't tell him.

[Relationship Coach]

These are the complications of cheating. Get to a doctor and let them tell you what the exam and possible treatment are going to be. Tell your BF afterwards if you are infected, let your conscious be your guide if you are not BUT GET TO THE DOCTORS!

[yelloemail]

i really feel in my heart that what you are seeing in the mirror is just your normal anatomy. please don't get worked up with what you read on the internet about sti's. what i mean is, get tested, get the results and that is it. don't make this worse by working yourself up about the possibilities of what can happen. most likely, you are fine! really i mean that. women have cysts down there that are totally normal. i will say a prayer for you.. please don't worry about this - get tested and leave it at that!

[Teapot]

I think some people think I have cheated on my boyfriend, we have split up now, about 2 months ago but he doesn't like me doing things really. I don't really get him at the moment, he's confused about what he wants and things. I just feel like I have to tell him, but I'll tell him in my own time if nothing is wrong, and if something is wrong I will have to tell him, I'm just praying it isnt.