Married boyfriend refuses to break up

[Azuresky]

No judgement please, just advice. She really needs our help.

 

It was about 2 (two) years ago when my friend met him, he was one of her co-worker in her office, he is already married with 2 children. One thing led to another and then they like each other and start going out. Somehow their relationship became gossip among their co-workers, feeling uncomfortable with this, she managed to get a new job, thus move out of that office.

 

As time goes by, and maybe through some enlightment and reaching the age of maturity, she realizes that she cannot stand this any longer and she wants to leave him and return him to his family. However, he refuses to leave her, he threaten her that he will kill himself if she leave him, he even threaten to kill her, the worst part is that he threaten that he will tell her family about what they have done. This girl really respect her family and she does not want to hurt her family, she knows that if her family find out bout this, she will break their heart. So, she will have to stick with him eventhough she does not love him anymore. (she has been like this for almost 6 months)

 

Please give advice...

[melrich]

Is he still married and with his wife?

 

Anyway regardless, you cannot stay with someone because they threaten you. She should tell everyone she knows and feels she can tell that she is going to leave him. Plan it...like when he is at work pack up and leave, no goodbyes etc. and maybe try and go away for a week or two.

 

Could even be a good idea to advise the police of the threats made against her. Sometimes they are not adverse to a making a cautionary call.

[Hope75]

She already knows what she is doing is wrong.

 

At this point she needs to take the risk of her family finding out and leave him.

 

If it makes her feel better, she can confess to her family first and save the worry of him telling them first.

 

It's not fair to her or to her married lover's family to stay with him out of guilt.

 

She owes it to herself and to his family to walk away from him, for good.

[newts]

I agree with Hope. She knows she is doing the wrong thing. This guy wont say anything! he is just using this threat to make her stay.

[may55]

Eesh. I would try to get your friend to leave this guy and offer her a support network of people (not just yourself, too much for one friend alone!) to get her thru the first few months. If she can try and structure her life so that there is no contact with this person - change jobs, move, change hangouts, cellphone that will help.

 

Also agree with other two posts, he will not say a thing! He has more to lose than she does!

 

Good luck to your friend. I think there are support groups for women on this out there too, I've seen some advertised on Craigslist before at least.

[ElektraHere]

Az,

 

No judgement here. Just that this guy is using threats as a way of holding on. It's not fair to your friend. If it were a choice that my family may find out I would know that my family would be disappointed but they would also love and forgive too.

Tell her to be strong and end this now if things really get out of hand get the law involved I doubt he wants that sort of attention.

[Azuresky]

Yes, he is still married during those incidents.

 

I wonder if there is any other way to solve this problem without letting know her family.

[Mjane]

cold turkey. no contact. avoid this man at all costs. his violent threats may need the attention of the police. she shouldn't fear her family finding out. She's not the one that's married, although she's not innocent here. but they love her and should be able to forgiver her. She should not stay in the relationship because he's blackmailing her. She must diffuse the threats so that they have no power.

The only way to do that is to not fear the truth coming out.