To everyone that lives in despair. Hope and gratitude

[onlyhuman]

Hello all,

 

I haven't been here in months, but I remember it like yesterday when I had nowhere else to turn, I desperately searched for support and answers. T hrough google I found this site... enotalone.

 

Long story short. My ex girlfriend broke up with me in end of may, we'd been together for 6 months and were planning on moving in together over summerholidays (long distance relationship). This was the woman I could see getting married to at the time, we dreamed about building a house together... it all seemed so perfect.

Well we never moved in together during summerholidays, instead I visited her a few times.

 

The chock when she announced she wasn't sure about her feelings, I denied it to myself. I did everything I could, gave her all the room and time she needed and still being there for her, I showed her how much I loved her. But it was all in despair, she still ended it...I was crushed. I told her if she still wanted to have sex that it would still feel good, so we did have sex a few times... a big No No but we did it anyway. The day came, about a month after the initial breakup, when she said it didn't feel good being intimate with me. I still loved her deeply. I was crushed, the second time over. Until then I still felt hope somewhere, even if people here told me that being intimate after a breakup is not a good idea, I was too much in love to listen to advises.

 

Summer went by... I was in emotional rollercoaster, I couldn't eat, sleep, cried alot, everything felt so unreal. I started having panic and anxiety attacks, it went as far as OCD (obsessive compulsion disorder) and greatly affected my everyday life.

 

I read alot about NoContact on enotalone, but I couldn't do it. University started again so I had the distance between her and me, and I think that was my initial rescue. But at the time it just seemed so much harder, I couldn't understand how being away from the person I loved would make things any easier.

 

After a long period of thinking I decided to start eating anti-depressive medicin, to increase serotonin level. Before that I looked around for comments about anti-depressive medicine, found out it was about 50/50 good and bad experiences.

I talked to avman (thanks for the messages!) and decided to give it a try. The first few weeks it didn't make me feel any better, but after about a month it started to have effect.

The idea of having atleast 2 minutes of peace of mind per day was amazing, 2 minutes of rest (anxiety was in my dreams as well)... it made all the different. I started therapy aswell, since I read anti-depressive medicin is only temporary help that it wouldn't get rid of the problem itself.

 

I still loved my ex girlfriend (this was in August), but we didn't meet. Something told me that even though I Wanted to see her, in some strange way I was better off not seeing her. We still talked alot over the phone though, but it gradually got less and less.

 

I think it was around October that I didn't love her anymore, when my feelings for her were gone. It didn't happen over night instead gradually. I remember starting new hobbies, meeting new people, starting going Out again.

At first it felt difficult, I wanted to stay indoors... I also spent alot of time by the beach just thinking the same thoughts over and over again...

That was also a big problem, getting stuck at the same thoughts.

 

I'm not sure if it was the medicin, therapy, NC, time, supporting friends, enotalone, new hobbies, new people... or what, I think it was a combination of it all. I did have to force myself starting out new hobbies, it was difficult at first...but somewhere somehow I knew I Wanted to get better. And I did...

 

In late October I was doing fairly well, I had found ME again and although I still battled with the anxiety through medicin/therapy I was able to live a normal life again.

Then I met a woman at this party (one of the first parties I'd gone to in many months). We started talking and we talked for hours... I thought she looked good but I felt I wasn't ready for a relationship, and I told her that. She told me that she wanted to be friends too.

But, somehow... we started seeing each other more often.. almost everyday.

We were so honest with each other, and felt really comfortable with each other.

And so, one day a few weeks later after we first met... we kissed. It felt so good but weird at the same time, because I really hadn't thought of getting into a relationship with the anti-depressive medicin, therapy and sorting myself out.

I think it was the honesty between us that worked magic. We started dating and it quickly turned into a serious relationship. I never felt this good about any relationship I've had, again through the honesty the relationship is built on solid ground which I never experienced before.

We're both happy together and planning a future together

 

I hope my story gives hope to those in despair now, 6 months ago I was there too... I want to show you that it does get better. I also wish to give all of you the advice not to trust that time alone heal all wounds. Some things requires more attention and work. The path to happiness usually is long but I promise you it's worth every second of hard work.

It's like if breaking a bone in your body, it might heal by itself with time but sometimes it requires medical attention by proffesionals.

And the help is out there, be it by medicine or therapy, social workers, enotalone etc. Do not hesitate to ask for help.

 

I started out by saying I haven't been here in a few months. Not sure why but I think it was part of the healing process. In the first few weeks and months I used to read tons of threads, at work aswell (I wasn't productive over the summer but tried hiding it).

I could very briefly forget about my own problems, it gave me a way of escaping, a way of rest, at the same time it gave me advice and help.

But the day came when I thought to myself I have to face the world again, on my own, though it would have taken much longer and much more pain if it weren't for enotalone.

 

Finally a word of gratitude to everyone on enotalone, the creators, moderators and all it members.

Special thank to avman, DN, jng92130, blueyes25, annie24, urbangentleman and anyone else that I might have forgotten (you know who you are).

 

-- onlyhuman

[nikkers04]

Congrats. That is a very inspiring story. I'm so happy that things are working of for you. You did an awesome job at trying to get yourself out there and doing new things...doing what you needed to do to get away from her. Congrats. And best of luck with your new love.

[healinginnyc81]

Thanks for returning to post your story. It feels like I'll never reach that point where I'll be happy with myself again and be able to move on, but reading about how you did it gives me confidence. Hopefully in a few months or so, I'll be able to come back here with my success story. Thanks again, and I hope everything works out for you.

[Vasho]

Thanks for posting this, I think this is what a lot of us needed to hear. I'm in my last year of college and I'm feeling good enough now to go out to parties and stuff. I wont be looking for a relationship but I would love if one found me.