what to do? pearents broke up...

[blukangarou]

hey,

i was wondering if someone could give me some advice, my mum left my dad 3 weeks before christmas they had a 30 year marraige, she says she was really unhappy, and i understood what she was saying, but now i'm kinda "piggy in the middle" at the moment. when i see mum, dad askes about her straight away when i come in, and it's horrible.

my mum has a boyfriend allready, i met him tonight and he's really nice (which is good) everything was going great, we were talking about our intrests, his children, ex wife, ect.. then he said when we get a place your more than welcome to come live with us (which is nice) and i was'nt botherd by it, until he said "we might not be living here though, we might be moving to wales" so i turned to mum and asked if she was moving, all she said was "it's only about 4 hours away"

i got really upset and left, i must of looked like a right muppet! i feel so stupid, and he thinks he upset me, but it's just the fact that i miss my mum, we were like best friends, and all of a sudden she's living far away with my nan and grandad, whenever i go down to see her she's either out or on her way out. it really sucks.

so if there's anyone out there who's been through this and has some advice then i'd be greatful to hear it.

blu x

[venus777]

i haven't been through that, but I just wanted to throw you just some words of support, or empathy, what you are going through sounds so painful and difficult. that's really a very hard thing to go through.

i don't know what else to say really, except to stay strong.

[Shadows Light]

My first thought reading your post is to ask how old are you?

 

I'm sorry to hear about your parents. 30 years is a long time to be married. Your mum said she was very unhappy. She must have been to leave a marriage of 30 years.

 

Most people try and try to make peace with themselves and their spouses many times over. And sometimes they come to the conclusion that they CAN NOT make those changes, that they can not change their spouse but can only change themselves.

 

Your mother has probably weighed the pro's and con's. She's lived how many years unhappy... and how many years does she have left... and how does she want to spend those remaining years.

 

I'd venture to say you are already grown... late teens, early 20's???? So, your mum knows you are going to be ok. Her job with you is done. Not that she's EVER EVER going to stop loving you. A mother loves her child for always. But at the same time she NEEDS to LIVE. And she's chosen this path.

 

I know its hard not to be caught in between mum and dad. My parents divorced after 25 years of marriage. In my opinion.. 20 years too late.

 

My father put me in the middle. Always asking questions. He wouldn't respect me when i said... don't ask me. I will not be caught in the middle.

 

You are luckier than I in a certain respect. Your mother has a BF and seems happy. God I wish I could have seen my mother happy. I wish she would have allowed herself to date, to meet someone who would have loved her and treated her like a queen. But she was too jaded by life. And wouldn't allow herself to LIVE. She chose the path of solitude. And to walk the rest of her journey alone.

 

Try no to be to hard on either one of them. If they place you in the middle. Gentley remind them that you LOVE both of them, and not use you as a volley ball accross the net. And just be loving and supportive of both of them... but look toward your own happiness. Your own life.

 

Every mother bird, feeds and loves her child. But then there comes a day that the mother bird has to let that bird fly.... to spread its wings. Because she wants it to thrive... and to LIVE.

 

Spread your wings.. fly..... Live.

 

light and love... and laugh OFTEN..

[nikkers04]

All I can say is you will get through it. My parents got a divorce when I was 12. At first it sucked I too was in the middle listening to my dad whine about my mom and my mom whining about my dad. It went on and on but now my parents get along at least enough to be civilized no yelling and blaming its nice not getting yelled at so much and feeling like you take the blame.

 

its hard to pick sides...I had a lil sister and she went with my mom so I chose to stay with my father so he wasn't left alone. I'm sure it hurt my moms feelings but my dad needed someone 2.

[Cherokeelion]

My parents divorced when I was 9. Things do get better once the sense of unreality and bizarreness fades, and you accept the fact that they just may be better apart. It takes a bit of time to adjust but you will eventually... many of us have been there. Whats funny is that my folks are actually better friends now 20 plus years later than they were together. And yes... it's weird seeing them laughing at a private joke as friends but hey... it works.

[newts]

My parents divorced when I was 1, I can't remember it at the time - of course, however, my first memory as a child 2 years later was them fighting over furniture, custody etc... and placing us right in the middle, that went on for many years and none us would stand up and say a thing. All you can do is just let them live their lives and love and respect them, maybe tell your dad you don't know if he doesn't get the hint you don't want to be caught in the middle.

[blukangarou]

hi,

thanks you guys for all he advice, things are getting a little eaiser now, my dads got a date lined up so i'm happy he's moving on, i'm dealing with things the best i can, i think that i'm doing really well under the curcumstances, and i'm glad to know i'm not the only person who's been through their parents breaking up being "stuck in the middle"

thanks again,

blu x