Being Myself

[BlueWolf]

Hi,

 

Something has been bugging me recently. It has to do with shyness, being myself, and my humor.

I think I've got great humor. I do consider myself a funny guy. I'm most funny when with very close friends or when with family. However when I'm just with other people (not close friends, but people I've seen often), I lose all of this. I become shy, and I lose all humor. It's hard to be my true self, because my shyness is suppressing it. I have, by the way, improved a lot in regards to shyness - I'm not nearly as shy as I used to be.

 

But I've been thinking to myself, quite seriously, that I can't be the same guy when with people I don't know as well as my very best friends. I can be very outgoing, but it is difficult for me to be this in different situations. I literally am two different people when hanging out with different people too.

If I was just as outgoing and naturally funny as I am with family and friends, most people would see me very differently than just being quiet. I know some people who are themselves all of the time, and that's fun. I find it hard to be that.

Again, I have been making improvements from year to year (and each year in high school there is a very noticeable difference, and that's a great thing). Should I just be patient and let myself improve over large periods of time, or is there a quicker way to change how I am and just be myself?

[registered]

I have the same issue.

 

I'll tell you what though. It isn't always the joke that is made that is important...it's how it is made and who makes it.

You say that you lose confidence...if you have no confidence then people will notice this and this will affect their perception of any expression of humour.

 

I literally am two different people when hanging out with different people too.

I've just gone through this all with myself, people tried beating it into me that I was always the same person...I said "no, I am two people". I was wrong though.

You have the capacity to be the same person around everyone. You simply need to be confident. You are funny when you are around people you are close to - you are a funny guy. Remember this when you are in an uncomfortable situation.

 

I find it hard to be that.

It is yep, but it get's easier. It's a matter of making yourself do what is uncomfortable (you already have the abilities remember) and watching yourself make mistakes and learn from them and grow stronger.

It will get easier.

 

Should I just be patient and let myself improve over large periods of time, or is there a quicker way to change how I am and just be myself?

Don't think you'll improve over a given period of time. Accept that you will improve and it will simply take as long as it takes.

But it will take less time if you work hard.

That is all it is a matter of I think.

 

You need to work out what will make you improve.

I think that simply taking the risks and doing what makes you uncomfortable is the way.

But you must accept that you will make mistakes, you may even make yourself look silly. This does NOT matter though. It is an extremely minor thing, you have much more important things in life to concern yourself with.

 

I have, by the way, improved a lot in regards to shyness - I'm not nearly as shy as I used to be.

Great, I bet it feels good to know this too.

Make sure you recognise every improvement you make. If you have a social success then pet yourself on the back.

 

Set small goals, with each goal you reach you will become more confident. Eventually your series of goals will have led you to what it is you seek - to be yourself.

 

It is about fear. Do not give into the fear. You are stronger than the fear. Set the small goals, acknowledge your successes and you will improve and grow confident in who you are, regardless of who your company is.

[BillyJean714]

There is just NO forcing it. You just gotta be YOU.

 

That's special in itself. It's COMPLETELY okay that you're shy around some people vs. others, you aren't. It's perfectly natural. Some people are just a bit more set in their own ways. Sounds like you're the type of person who blends well in different situations. Instead of comparing yourself to those who can always seem to be themselves around everyone, consider this quality your advantage. Most people who are really set in their own ways cannot adapt well or blend in with certain people/different situations. That's why, when they butt heads with other people, they butt hard. They just clash with others. You don't.

 

Be proud of yourself. Always remember what makes you you. Remember where you came from. Strive to be a better you. When you get compliments, don't let it get to your head too much. As long as you keep these things in mind, you are fine. As long as you're aware of yourself and your own behavior, then you're on the right track. Don't be so hard on yourself. Take care!

[TheRiddler]

REGISTERED makes an excellent point, its going OUT of your COMFORT ZONE and then observing the consequences of your actions when you are "yourself" and remembering which environments are destructive and which are constructive to you.

 

But you must put in the Effort and Time

[sidehop]

Good point...I'm like the original poster...I'm pretty funny around my family but outside, I just don't know how to be that same person and sometimes I think I'm ok and other times am not...

[pashmak]

wow, this topic caught my eye because I'm the same way (outgoing and funny when I'm around close friends and family, but shy and not so talkative when around less familiar people). But you know, what surprised me was how you labeled this as a "problem". I never thought it was a "problem" or something that was holding me back from being "myself". Because this is me. It's just the way I am and most people I know are the same way. I'm older than you (19) and I've realized that I'm only shy around people I don't know well because I don't trust them. It's a cruel world out there and soon enough you'll learn that you can't trust everyone with everything. Exposing my real self to them, for me, is hard because I don't trust them. I don't know if this is making any sense to you, but that's how it is for me.

I have no problem with people seeing me as a shy person. Being shy on the outside is a sort of shield for me to protect myself. I only let my guards down when I feel like I'm comfortable with trusting that person. And that's when they get to know the real me.

 

but if it really bothers you, then you should definitely keep on trying.

[BlueWolf]

I agree with your points. But I guess I just see shyness as a suppressor of my true self. I really believe in this. I don't act like I should. Years ago when I was even shyer, I was more prone to embarrassment in certain situations because I didn't know how to handle them. This wasn’t good. Now, even though I’m still a bit shy, I couldn’t care less. I enjoy laughing at myself when something happens, and not turning it in to a whole serious situation. I know what you mean that this is you, and I can also agree with that, but I guess there are two points from which this [shyness] could be viewed (either it being yourself, or it suppressing your true self) – either way is legitimate.

 

Actually the past two months have been the best of my life so far. I’ve increased my self-esteem substantially (and I’m not saying I’m full of myself, I’m still the nice guy everyone knows), and I really feel good about myself at this point. I am real proud of the job I do after school, my grades are great, and I have more contact with girls (this shouldn’t be overestimated by anyone, BTW). I also know that times shift and change, and that this may not last forever (bad days and periods in time, after all, do happen), but I’ve noticed that this has also helped a lot with shyness and how I act around others.

 

I might be going off-topic here (sorry!) but this all has to do with mindset as well. I noticed that some people were feeling sad and down because they spent Christmas and New Year’s Eve by themselves. So did I. I have to admit that I wasn’t feeling too great about it either. However when I got back to school, again this year, it opened my mind up for some reason… Millions of people spend New Year’s and Christmas alone, why would I get all depressed about this? I can critique myself because I tend to be an optimistic person, but when times aren’t feeling right, I can also get real depressed (all of a sudden my achievements and my good reputation don't matter ) – either times are fantastic, or they are bad. Mindset and a positive outlook on life are key indeed to facing your problems, and everyone has them.

[registered]

In that first paragraph you summed it up perfectly. That is all there is to it... it's either you or it isn't, just work out which one it is and deal.

 

Actually the past two months have been the best of my life so far. I've increased my self-esteem substantially (and I'm not saying I'm full of myself, I'm still the nice guy everyone knows), and I really feel good about myself at this point. I am real proud of the job I do after school, my grades are great, and I have more contact with girls (this shouldn't be overestimated by anyone, BTW). I also know that times shift and change, and that this may not last forever (bad days and periods in time, after all, do happen), but I've noticed that this has also helped a lot with shyness and how I act around others.

This is awesome. Great work.

Bad days and periods do occur...they will bring emotions that we don't want to deal with but they don't actually have to affect the other unrelated parts of our lives if we don't let them. Obviously some things are huge and can't really be held back from the rest of our lives, but it is a special quality to have when you can prevent the bad times from affecting your life in the way they are designed to.

 

I can critique myself because I tend to be an optimistic person, but when times aren't feeling right, I can also get real depressed (all of a sudden my achievements and my good reputation don't matter :sad: ) – either times are fantastic, or they are bad.

Yep, this is what I mean, sometimes the bad times affect things that they shouldn't... but they don't have to and over time it will be easier to stop them from affecting things like our view of our self and our abilities and our achievements.

[eric1214]

I feel the same way as you BlueWolf. This past Xmas break I felt really good, I spent a lot of time with family and old friends that I have known for a long time. I was confident, funny, and above all happy.

 

I felt like myself, I felt like I could be happy feeling like this forever.

 

But now that school has started again, I feel down again. I go to class, act shy and don't talk to anyone, feel uncomfortable the whole time, and put myself down because of it all. This snowballs and I feel hopeless the whole day. I know it is all about gaining confidence. Gaining confidence in yourself will gain confidence in others.

 

I guess it just takes time and a lot of hope. Be happy that you are doing better now than a year ago.

[ole21]

i definatly have this same problem. see when i'm with my close friends i have more fun than anything and i know that i will never lose them because of what i'm like around them. the problem is that i spent days and days with them when i was younger that over time made me have this comfort and loosness when i'm around them. but i'm now in high school and you don't have so much time to slowly develop as good friends. i need help to learn to be myself sooner around people and have more confidence that will lead to more friends and better relationships with my friends.