Is this necessary to get over her?

[Vasho]

A couple of people on this forum have said that feeling you don't want to get back together with the person that dumped you is essential to getting over them. Does anyone have any opinions of this? I've tried to come up with reasons why I shouldn't want my exgirlfriend back and they work for a day or two. But I know I could be happy with her. We had been together for almost 3 years and the break up was 2 1/2 months ago. I've been totally NC for two weeks and I haven't felt really down since about 1 1/2 weeks ago. I don't feel back to normal though. Whenever something reminds me of her I still feel bad for a minute or so. And overall I'm just not happy. I guess my question is with NC, do you think it's possible to get over an ex without feeling that you don't want them back? Does that even make sense? I don't know, I'm pretty confused.

[LostInMyThoughts]

Actually what you're saying makes perfect sense.

 

People react differently to events; but I think it makes sense that seeing something that reminds you about your ex, whom you've shared a lot of time with, would get you down.

 

At least that happens to me.

 

The thing is that you have to accept this as being part of the natural healing process. I bet that during the first week of your breakup, things that reminded you of her would get you down for a lot longer than a minute.

 

It's okay to want your ex back, but I think what others might be trying to say is don't put your life on hold waiting for that to happen. Assume they're not coming back and "move on."

[Vasho]

You're right LostInMyThoughts, I defintely feel down for a lot less time now versus a month ago. I guess it can only get better from here on out. And just knowing that I wont feel as bad as I did a couple weeks ago makes me pretty optimistic.

 

The only thing is that I tend to only feel really bad when I have contact with her. This is the best I've felt since the break up and it's due mostly to not talking to her for awhile. I'm worried that If she emails or calls for Christmas or New Years it will put me back in a funk, regardless if I don't answer or reply.

[LostInMyThoughts]

Yeah man, I know how you feel, and it's not a good feeling. I was starting to feel a lot better about things; then my ex-wife came over to get the rest of her stuff. I felt like crap afterwards (it didn't help that we fought most of the time we were together). But a few days later and I perked up again.

 

You can just try and take in stride; maybe have a couple ideas on what you can do to cheer up if you start to feel in the dumps.

 

Sometimes it can be helpful to support the feelings of sadness and just let it all out. Play some sad music, or watch a sad movie, and just let it out.

 

And try not to worry about the things that you can't control (like her contacting you). If she does contact you in the near future; you can let her gently know that you need some NC time for yourself.

[Vasho]

You can just try and take in stride; maybe have a couple ideas on what you can do to cheer up if you start to feel in the dumps.

 

I never thought of doing that. That's a good idea. Thanks for the suggestions