wow i have another freind!!!!!!!!

[Arty Fella]

Hi all my first post on here.

 

Ive had my eye on this girl i was working with during some seansonal work.

 

From the first moment i met her i thought she was pretty special... quite easy on the eye and a good laugh and a fun person to be around.

 

I read the posts here a coupla weeks ago aabout people falling into the dreded friend zone .... and i think i just fell into that zone myself

 

I couldnt pluck up the courage to ask this girl out at work (mainly because i once asked another chic i worked with out and it didnt go so well so i didnt wanna be trapped again|), but i spent most lunchtimes and morning and afternoon breaks getting to know this girl.

 

It was apparent from the start that she has a fair share of shyness... maybe even more shy than me in a way... and she told me she was picked on in school ... from being shy and stuff... so i didnt wanna push things too far with this girl.

 

She is great to be around and at work we would sing together and muck around and make each other laugh .... she once said she had a cold nose and needed a nose beanie lol thta really cr5acked me up i guess because i have a similar wacky sense of humour.

 

during morning tea on our last day of work i gave her a nose beanie that i had got made.....she loved it

And later that day as she was about to go we exchange numbers and i finally asked her out on a lunch date.... me telling her "just lunch" (i guess i could sorta sense she was still unshure)

 

So yeah a coupla days ago we went out for lunch.

I was really nervous because i guess i was thinking of it too much of a first date and i had butterflys in my stomach all morning.

 

We went and had some lunch which was really nice and then had a drink or 2 and we chatted for a while before starting the walk back to the cars.

 

We sat for a while on a chair in the main street and then she told me that she wasnt really looking for a realionship as she sorta had a guy back home and she didnt think thta would change anytime in the near future.

She said incase thats what you were thinking.

 

I was a lil shocked... but i guess she had to tell me because i had hinted to things during our lunch chat and she probally thought it best to set me straight.

 

I dont know if she was testing my true feelings or not but after that i couldnt hide them.

 

I mumbled that well id be lying if i didnt say i liked ya... but i realise i might not be your cup of tea.

I think i also said damn a few times lol. but tried to keep fairly upbeat.

 

The whole day coulda ended there, and iu woulda went home to sulk for a day or 2 lol but she then said lets go for a drive.

 

So we went in her car and did some sight seeing and then went and got osme icecreams and went to the park to lay on the grass and chat for ages.

 

Turns out that like me she has never had a real love.... she decided to give up on it and had a one night stand and decided that that was fun and then does it some more now.

Turns out her guy that she has is just some off again on again thing .... she said she has feelings for him after he comes and sees her for sex ... but he dosent really respond .. never rings or messages her or other caring stuff like that.

 

I felt sorta sad for her to hear she was in such a prediciment wit a guy who doesnt appreciate her.

 

Anyway we chatted all up for 6 hours that day ... i probally opened my mouth too much and said * * * * i didnt even mean i maybe tried to make out i was as shy as her to somehow have a connection blah blah.

 

But there was some definent fun times there and i kinda hoped she could see what a realtionship with me would be like..... we laughed and giggled like kids and threw clumps of grass at each other and we swung together on the swings and i pushed her on the swings for a while too

 

I think the main thing she dont like about me is that im a lil rough around the edges... and im a lil overweight (probally the main thing) , but i thing she realised that we could be good friends at the least.

She said i brought out the funside in her.

 

So yeah im at a loss as to what to do.

 

Part of me says i still maybe have a chance with her if i was less clingy and more confident i could serenade her and win the girl!

 

Another part says gee i should just give up now and stop this * * * * lol

 

Another says well maybe ill just be her happy doormat and be friends with her and maybe in the future who knows.

 

She lives a fair distance away from me and has just been back here doing seasonal work and she is soon leaving for 2 weeks to go home for christmas (she is still undecided if she will go back???)

And then she will work for another month back here until she leaves tio restart uni in feburary.

 

I guess i just wanna spend as much time with her whilst she is down this way and see what happens.

 

She did ask me hypothetically what would i do with us if she was up there .. i said i would considering moving to where she was ... and i didnt get to finish my line before the freak alarm bells rang in her head and she mentioned the well i dont think id really like the clingy and not being able to go out blah blah.

 

I did mean to say well id consider it in the future bit lol

 

Dang ive been laying around mopping for 2 days and am just starting to feel a lil better about it.

 

Her last day of work before shristmas was yesterday so im kinda keen to meet her again tonight maybe see what happens.

 

 

Dang i think sometimes i should just crawl back into my cave and hide like a hermit!!!!!!!!!

Safer that way ... lonely but safe

[ocrob]

I would say that things are very new and that you have a chance. The fact is that you are interested in her. You don't really know her and there is nothing wrong with getting to know her. Don't be overbearing or jealous, but be sweet. I am getting to know someone right now and I am so surprised how much I like her, but it has only been two weeks. It is ok to be interested, but look at it like that. You are interested and want to get to know her. She is not used to good guys and she might really end up liking you. Don't be too gushy to her and play it straight up. Let her know there is interest and you want to get to know her, but it takes a while for you to really know how you feel about someone. Don't compliment her too much! Obvously, be very nice and you should compliment, but don't over do it. I do that sometimes, but I just like to. I usually don't care in the beginning anyway. A lot of people seem great when you first start dating. I always am expressive and compliment, but I never get emotionally involved right away. Dating is dating. Bad analogy, but it is taking home a car for a few weeks and test driving it. They may test drive other cars as well. Don't show all of your cards and keep your poker face on while being friendly. It is ok and great to be nice, but just don't set the tone. It sounds like you have just as good of a chance as any at this point. I would question why she is cool just having casual sex?

[not_invincible]

I don't mean to be negative, but from what you've said she sounds like trouble. If she has an off again on again relationship with some guy who doesn't like her back, and if she doesn't like the thought of having you around because she "won't be able to go out," she sounds a bit unstable. I'd back off a bit; you can keep talking to her, but do not push a relationship.

[ShySoul]

Arty Fella,

 

How in the world do you get that you are in that illusionary place called the "friendzone?" Things seem to be going great. You get along, you spend time together, she seems to dig you at least somewhat. You did things right in being her friend.

 

However, the one thing you have to watch out for is her lack of desire to commit period. She's involved with someone, even if it isn't serious or a relationship. And she doesn't seem ready to commit to anything that is real. I don't think she is honestly ready for it.

 

So for now you need to be her friend and enjoy the time together. When she is ready for something real, then you can pursue it if you choose. Maybe having a friend like you is what she needs to realize she can have more then the other guy. But please, don't use becoming her friend as an excuse of what you did wrong. That was actually a good move. With her hesitiation and lack of commitment, asking her out from the start and trying to force something more would have scared her away for real.

[Arty Fella]

well after debating all day on wether i would send her a message or not i finally plucked up the courage and sent her a message.

 

and she replied lol

And i went over and picked her up and we went looking at guitars and stuff.. and then we drove around looking at xmas lights before going back to her house and chilled out a lil.

 

It was a really cool night and it was like most things were settled on the first outing we had.

 

I heeded the good advice here and played it cool and enjoyed her company and didnt push or even mention any relationship stuff.

 

She was happy to see me and thanked me for coming over which i took as a nice friendly thing.

 

She wont be going back for xmas so i am trying to plan a nice day for her... and she will probally be staying for a lil while xmas night so she can catch the train from here at 2am... i just gotta stay cool and not be too overly keen for any stuff on xmas if she isnt ready.

 

I think i will try and spend as much time with her as i can while she is down this way and see what happens.

Who knows the novelty may even wear off but im not thinking so.

Time seems to get lost somewhere when we chat lol.

 

One thing a mate told me today might also be some good advice.....

He said " don't be at her beck and call. let her miss you a little bit now and then" i think he was meaning dont be the doormat i gotta do my won stuff too and not be too hung up on her something like that.

 

And yeah shysoul i guess with her saying that maybe she thought we would just be friends maybe was the bit that had me thinking im in the zone lol

 

And this other guy seemed to fade away pretty quickly... not shure if i had a hand in that

 

But yeah she is shy and maybe like me always freaking about stuff if a relationship is close at hand.... sometimes its easier to run but running keeps ya alone is my new motto lol.

 

Thanks for the great advice and stuff everyone ill keep yas posted

[Dating Coach]

Arty,

 

Hey man, just read your story and I am going to tell you what I see from all of this. I hope it helps you out.

 

First off you seem like a great guy, and it seems that this girl thinks you are a great guy too. You guys hang out, you laugh together, and you have fun.

 

You asked her out (sorta) and she cmae right out and told you her answer. It doesn't matter if her excuse was that she was in a relationship, and then later thought you were a nice of enough guy to talk to about relationship problems. The fact is that she knows that you are interested, you talked about it, and she rejected you. It doesn't matter what her excuse was, it was a rejection.

 

The reason you guys went right back out and had a nice day after she told you that was because you acted dissappointed, but you acted cool with it and were basically like, "whatever, it's okay" and so she thought, "cool, he's not being rude about it, now we can continue on as friends".

 

That's exactly what has been going on here. She has not changed her mind, she is continuing on with you just like she was before she rejected you. You are her friend and she likes you like that. She doesn't like you romantically. If she did, she could easily have you and she knows it-but she isn't biting.

 

I hope you two can continue to have a good friendship, but I really hope you can move on and accept that she isn't interested. I know that's not what you wanted to hear but I see this clear as day from this situation. If you don't want to take my advice then don't, but months down the road when you find out that she doesn't want to date you romantically again, just remember that you were warned.

 

Good luck!

[ShySoul]

Arty,

 

Good going and glad you had a great time with her. Your following the right idea. Don't pressure anything, be friends, and see what happens. You never know what the future will bring, so there could be more between you. Theres no rule here saying you are stuck as friends forever.

 

You don't have to move on if you don't feel like it. If you still feel in your heart you need to believe in it, go ahead. Most people just don't get over a girl. And if you still think there's more there, or at least the potential, do what you think and feel is best. There's always the chance.

 

I am really hoping everything works out. Follow your heart and do what is best for you. That's all any of us can really advise you, we don't know how it will turn out. Best of luck.

[Dating Coach]

Sometimes "following your heart" isn't what's best for you. I can provide a link to a thread I started where I had at least 7 or 8 stories about guys who wore their heart on their sleeve only to have it backfire on them and for some, cost them years of their time and effort.

[Arty Fella]

Diggity i hear what ya saying and as id hate to admit it ya probally right ... i read ya thing a few weeks ago and ive done that too many times to mention lol.

Well ill probally type my big tale of woah later

 

I had been messaging this girl this afternoon ... and i said in one message "i was going to c if ya wanted to maybe come over here this arvo or 2 morrow"

 

and no reply came (yeah i know shock horror)

 

So i sent one back saying " i hope i didnt freak ya out by asking if ya wantyed to come over ... maybe we could do something 2 morrow??"

 

she replied what ya thinking.

 

i am now finally sensing she wasnt so keen to come over lol so i reply

i dunno just hanging out stuff ... ill have to think.

 

So yeah with what ya said diggity fresh inmind id say ya might be right.

 

I do wear the old heart on my sleave way too much.

And yeah she has been keen to hang out before but thats mainly because i stop her being bored on her own ..., but she just brought a new book so she will be fine lol

 

And i do see that she is liking me just as a friend.

And i would be a lil silly to think yet again that by getting to know each other them things might change.

 

Dang im now in a really tricky spot that ive been in a few times ... seems like i dont learn to fast

 

The big thing for me now is i dunno wether to just cut all ties and move on (done that before) but to me that is an easy way out.... i sorta like to think i could somehow remain friends with her and just loose any of these strong feeling i have for her.

 

I really wanna do this one smart... this girl is the best so far and thereforeeee might be the hardest fall.

The thing is i wanna avoid that fall if i can help it.

I guess with each time i do this silly stuff i slowly learn a lil and the fall isnt so hard to bear but gee id rather not go through the crap again.

 

I wish i had a forum place like this many years ago lol maybe i wouldnt be going through this stuff now

 

I have a lot to learn it seems ... any links lol

 

 

And shy thanks too man i always do what the heart says and it usually gets me into trouble.

 

-------------------

After a pause and contemplation i think id like to try and continue on as friends and just enjoy the company ..... i just gotta not get so hung up on her and accept the facts somehow.... and not be too keen on xmas kisses and gotta get used to the fact that soon she will be gone for good.

 

hmmm

[ShySoul]

Arty, I don't believe in promoting myself or my posts, but if you want it I think I have sites I found explaining why you should just stick to being friends first and examples of couples who got together after months of only being friends. So being friends is not a bad thing and doesn't guarantee you can't be more.

 

I had been messaging this girl this afternoon ... and i said in one message "i was going to c if ya wanted to maybe come over here this arvo or 2 morrow"

 

and no reply came (yeah i know shock horror)

 

So i sent one back saying " i hope i didnt freak ya out by asking if ya wantyed to come over ... maybe we could do something 2 morrow??"

 

Maybe she was busy or preoccupied and wasnt able to respond right away? Then you assumed that the delayed response was her not being interested and you overreacted by saying you hope she didn't freak out. Doesn't indicate a lack of interest.

 

she replied what ya thinking.

 

i am now finally sensing she wasnt so keen to come over lol so i reply

i dunno just hanging out stuff ... ill have to think.

 

Perhaps she wanted to know what you wanted to do. Perhaps she was fishing around to see if you had any plans for something fun and exciting to do together. Sure, it wasn't the most enthusastic response. But did you expect her to be jumping out of her seat? Maybe she was distracted. Maybe she was playing it cool. How do you know for certain that she wasn't keen on coming over?

 

I do wear the old heart on my sleave way too much.

And yeah she has been keen to hang out before but thats mainly because i stop her being bored on her own ..., but she just brought a new book so she will be fine lol

 

Wearing your heart on your sleeve is better then becoming cold and bitter like many guys. And this talk about her only being around you because it keeps her from being bored? Nonsense. If thats what she wanted she could have chosen anyone else to be around or found some activity to do herself. But she chose you to be around because she likes to be around you. Have more confidence in yourself.

 

And i do see that she is liking me just as a friend.

And i would be a lil silly to think yet again that by getting to know each other them things might change.

 

Maybe things will change. Maybe they won't. Either way could happen. But if you convince yourself its not possible, then you quarantee it won't happen. Instead, keep being friends and doing what you are doing. Don't think about it and focus on the friendship. If in time you find there are still feelings, go for it again. Maybe it will work out. If you find that you like someone else, go for that. But don't close yourself of to the endless possibilities.

 

The big thing for me now is i dunno wether to just cut all ties and move on (done that before) but to me that is an easy way out.... i sorta like to think i could somehow remain friends with her and just loose any of these strong feeling i have for her.

 

If you cut ties, what does that say? It says you are only interested in getting to know girls that you can have a romantic relationship with. If you like someone but a relationship doesn't happen, you are just going to drop her. In that case, how deep of a connection did you have with her to begin with? How strong was the friendship? You want to be her friend. One, anything can happen in the future. Two, its simple the right thing to do as we all need friends. Feelings won't go away over night. It will be a process and take time. You might even find those feelings resurfacing later. But if you just drop her, those feelings will still probably be there as well. So at least in being friends you can actually be around her. Trust me, not being around someone you like is even more painful then being around them but not in a relationship.

 

I really wanna do this one smart... this girl is the best so far and thereforeeee might be the hardest fall.

The thing is i wanna avoid that fall if i can help it.

 

MIGHT be the hardest fall. No guarantee it will be. But if you go through life trying to avoid the fall, trying to avoid pain and heartache, you are going to end up missing out on the highs as well. Even if it does end in a fall, that fall will be worth it. It will teach us how to deal, how to grieve. Sure, we may find ourself in the darkest carvern ever made. But when we get through it and see the light, we will know that we can survive anything and no longer fear that fall.

 

After a pause and contemplation i think id like to try and continue on as friends and just enjoy the company

 

LOL. I write all that then realize you are going to be friends. Could have saved myself the writing. Anyways, nice call and I hope this turns out good. Happy Christmas!

[Dating Coach]

Diggity i hear what ya saying and as id hate to admit it ya probally right ... i read ya thing a few weeks ago and ive done that too many times to mention lol.

Well ill probally type my big tale of woah later

 

Please tell!

 

I had been messaging this girl this afternoon ... and i said in one message "i was going to c if ya wanted to maybe come over here this arvo or 2 morrow"

 

IMO, one thing you could be doing better is asking this question from a stronger stance. This "I was going to c if ya wanted to maybe come over" stuff lacks confidence. If you are going to invite her out come up with your own way that sounds confident, such as:

 

"Hey, I'm doing ______ tomorrow and would like it if you came out. You have any plans?"

 

Or something similar. The way you said it sounds like you are expecting a bad reaction and are trying to give her and yourself an easy out.

 

and no reply came (yeah i know shock horror)

 

To be fair, we don't know why she didn't get back to you right away and there could be a perfectly good explaination, however this is more likely a bad sign than not, because at best she was busy, at worst she just didn't care enough.

 

 

So i sent one back saying " i hope i didnt freak ya out by asking if ya wantyed to come over ... maybe we could do something 2 morrow??"

 

Why would you asking her over freak her out? Are you a child molester? A criminal? No, you're a good friendly guy, so why are you half apologizing for asking a girl you are interested in to come out and meet up with you? Once again you are portraying this image of someone with absolutely no confidence. Talk from a position of strength, like you have something to offer her (you do don't you? I mean, you're a good guy so of course you do). The way you have been saying it comes accross like you think very little of yourself. It sounds like, "I know Im not much but please come hang out with me, but it's okay if you don't because I understand..." Would you want to hang out with you? Talk with more strength and confidence.

 

Also, you asked her once, you did not need to ask her again. It seems like her lack of an answer really made you nervous and you felt the need to ask again to get a response. It's too needy. You asked her once, leave it at that. If she really wanted to hang out then she would get back to you. If she doesn't get back to you then you have her answer.

 

she replied what ya thinking.

 

She's asking you what kind of plans you had in mind. Time to take charge and tell her what you two will be doing!

 

i am now finally sensing she wasnt so keen to come over lol so i reply

i dunno just hanging out stuff ... ill have to think.

 

Here comes that self doubt. This doubt is really kicking your butt man. Look, you know that you are a good guy right? You seem pretty cool to me. I think you need to come to terms with the fact that you do have a lot to offer women, and that in knowing so you will come to terms with the fact that you are the CATCH, not a burden.

 

She asked you what you had in mind and you are once again coming accross from a position of weakness and self doubt with an answer of "I dunno just hanging out stuff ... ill have to think." YOU asked HER to do something, so have something in mind.

 

"Well, I really want to check out this new restaraunt up the road... so how about I pick you up at 7?"

 

Or something more definitive and confident like that.

 

Imagine all of this from her perspective. She gets text 1:

 

"Oh Arty wants to hang out. I'll respond when I get finished watching the OC"

 

She gets Text 2:

 

"Arty again? Geez, can't he wait? Okay, OC is over I'll see what he wants." *sends text*

 

She gets text 3:

 

"Um, why did he ask me to do something if he doesn't even know what he wants? Should I just text him back and tell him to let me know when he makes his decision? Sheesh!"

 

That's what I would be thinking. More confidence and be more definitive. If you don't believe that you have much to offer then the other person will believe that too. People will treat you how you allow yourself to be treated. If you don't allow yourself to be treated like a child, people won't treat you that way. If you don't allow yourself to be treated with disrespect, then people won't be disrespecting you-or at least won't disrespect you twice.

 

I do wear the old heart on my sleave way too much.

 

In response to ShySoul's comment about this... he is intentionally painting it black & white and that is totally uncalled for. There aren't two options here, "Wearing Your Heart on Your Sleeve" or "Being Cold and Bitter", and the fact that he suggested that is transparent and simply beyond silly. A poor attempt to discredit what I am saying. There are a ton of other ways to handle yourself and they don't have to be one of two extremes. The one you want to have is Self Control. You don't want to be cold and bitter to anyone, but yet you don't want to wander around blindy wearing your heart on your sleeve because this sets you up for failure and disappointment-which it sounds like you are familiar with. If you try to help yourself it doesn't have to be like this. I was like this too and actually have made many of the same mistakes you have, but I took it upon myself to work towards my goal of improvement. I wasn't arrogant enough to think that I already had all of the answers even though I had never had a girlfriend. I actively sought to improve myself and my dating skills and so can you.

 

And yeah she has been keen to hang out before but thats mainly because i stop her being bored on her own ..., but she just brought a new book so she will be fine lol

 

I'd have to agree on this one that you are showing a lack of self confidence and aren't giving yourself enough credit. Don't be anyones diversion from boredom. If they want to hang out with you then it's going to be because you are one hell of a fun guy who knows what he wants to do and won't hesitate doing it. Neither is he going to stop and ask if doing it is okay. Meaning: If she comes out to hang out with you then her hanging out with you was already an agreement to follow your plans. You don't need to stop and ask her if it's okay if you go here, or do that. If she agreed to hang out with YOU then she's going to hang out with you no matter what you do. If she decided she doesn't want to then she can voice up but other than that, you aren't stopping to ask.

 

And i do see that she is liking me just as a friend.

And i would be a lil silly to think yet again that by getting to know each other them things might change.

 

Arty, you are right here. If she sees you as "just friends", meaning "Not Romantically" then the next step is an important choice for you. You can either continue to be friends and move on to someone else romantically (which can be hard) or you can cut off ties with her completely in attempt to move on. If you are "Just Friends" with her and you continue to hang out and hope she will change her mind (ie: you don't move on romantically) then you are going to be majorly setting yourself up for pain, heartache, and disappointment. Plus, who knows how long you are going to be wasting pursuing this dead end. The choice is yours.

 

Dang im now in a really tricky spot that ive been in a few times ... seems like i dont learn to fast.

 

Not many people do. I didn't. But the point is that you are learning. That is good.

 

The big thing for me now is i dunno wether to just cut all ties and move on (done that before) but to me that is an easy way out.... i sorta like to think i could somehow remain friends with her and just loose any of these strong feeling i have for her.

 

If you can do that then you have found your path.

 

I really wanna do this one smart... this girl is the best so far and thereforeeee might be the hardest fall.

The thing is i wanna avoid that fall if i can help it.

 

No matter how good she is, if she is not returning the feelings then none of it matters and getting further wrapped up in it is only dooming you further. If you understand where you stand, then work within your borders and don't stry to cross over because that is what will lead to that hard fall.

 

Keep in mind, no matter how great she is, there ARE a lot of great women out there. The point is to find one that is willing to be with you as you are with her.

[LIFE]

Let me tell you something. If I was you, I will stay away from her. From the looks of it, she's not really worth your time. I don't know about you, but I DO NOT Like dealing with people like that. They're not even real. She has problems, she likes men who treat her like crap. Do you really want to be with someone like that? Come on, she looks like she has no respect for herself. Don't get caught up in this. You have to look for someone that has substance. Have some dignity.

 

I know you want to be friends with her, and that's really up to you. But to me, she doesn't seem like a sincere person. It's not about whether you can have a relationship with her or not at this point. She just seems like some regular girl with no outstanding qualities to me. But then again, I don't know her.

[Arty Fella]

well this morning i send her a text and was a lil more confident ... we both couldnt decide what to do so i took charge and said well ill come over soon and we can just go from there.

 

Spent another nice 6/7 hours with her driving around and taking pics and stuff ... i am a photographer and she seems keen to learn so we just drove around taking pics laughing and chatting.

 

We then got some kfc and went to the park and fed the ducks and then went to her house for a while and just chilled out.

 

And it did turn out that she was busy when i think she wernt responding lol

 

She is such a cool chic ... just a lil crazy and shy like me.

 

I tried to look at the whole day as just friendly... but i wasnt shure if maybe she might be changing mind now that we know each other better now.

It was just lil things that sorta stumped me ... and there has been a lil bit off light flirting from her aswell.

Maybe she was just testing me since i seem to be just friendly now lol

 

tomorrow is xmas and she will be coming over at 3 or 4 pm and staying until 2am in the morn when she will catch the train.

 

She muttered as i left tonight something about santa might visit me if im good lol.

 

So well see how the night eventuates.

 

Feel so better to read the good advice here and to just enjoy the company of a really cool person.

 

I better go sleep now big day tomorrow ... thanks all

 

merry xmas

[ShySoul]

Great that you spent such a good day together. Things are going well, keep it up.

 

If you want to be sneaky, have some mistletoe handy tomarrow. Ok, so I don't recommend it, but its a nice thought.

 

Happy Holidays.

[ocrob]

The really cool thing about meeting a woman you like that may not be romantically interested is the fact you have nothing to lose. I personally don't play by the rules. If I meet a woman that I like, I tell them and just say what is on my mind. But, I also make it clear that I am cool being friends. The fact is, if you don't have anything emotionally invested, then why can't you just be friends? Just because you are attracted to a woman and you get along, being friends really is not such a bad thing. I love hanging out with women. You can never go wrong becoming good friends with a woman. Just don't invest yourself emotionally and the friendship can be awesome. Plus, if a woman loves you as a friend and you have no past, then they are more than happy to set you up with their friends. lol It is a win/win situation. Let's face it, it takes a long time to truly fall in love and if it has not happened yet, then you have been spared heartache and now can have an awesome friend. It seems that I am friends with a lot of women that I have hooked up with. I don't know that that means, but we are great friends our relationships are mutually respectful and gratifying.

 

ocrob

[ShySoul]

Thank you. It's nice to read this kind of perspective. So much for the dreaded "friendzone" theory, seems like you've seen how great becoming friends is. Relationships can grow from there, and if they don't feel the same, then your friendship can survive.

[Dating Coach]

Thank you. It's nice to read this kind of perspective. So much for the dreaded "friendzone" theory, seems like you've seen how great becoming friends is. Relationships can grow from there, and if they don't feel the same, then your friendship can survive.

 

Nice little jab there ShySoul... the funny thing is, that ocrob isn't saying anything about that so nothing he said goes against the "friendzone". In fact, I agree with a lot of what he is saying in that post. Nice attempt though, transparent as it was.

[ShySoul]

All I am doing is commenting on ocrobs post and complimenting him. I do not take jabs at others. If I wish to address people, I am very straightforward about it and address them personally. However I am flattered that you believe that so many of my posts are about you. Nice to know that you are thinking of me.

 

I am sorry if anyone gets the impression that this is some personal situation interferring with the original topic. All of my comments and intentions have been directed to arty fella and I sincerely hope his situation is going well. Please, give us updates if you can.

 

And I hope everyone has had a very happy christmas. Take care everyone.

[Dating Coach]

ocrob said nothing about the "friendzone" but you still dissed the entire concept with your comment. I'd say that is a clear attempt to go "off topic" and throw a little jab.

 

The correct response is:

 

ocrob, you are correct, there is nothing to lose when you meet girls that aren't interested, so why not find out? And if she isn't interested, as long as you can accept that and move on, she can turn out to be a good friend and can introduce you to her friends with nothing but good things to say about you. I only recommend doing this though if you can actually move on and accept the fact that she is not interested. I'd hate for a guy to be stuck still hoping for more when she said no...

[ShySoul]

I will not respond further as this is a blantant attempt to pick at something I say.

 

Arty fella, I am very sorry about this. Please, do not feel discouraged and continue to update us on your progress.

[ocrob]

I just think that when you meet a woman, then you should be openminded. I lived with two women in college and one was definitely like a sister and the other was a good friend, but we no longer keep in touch. I think it goes both ways. I have met women and had sex with them and then we became really good friends. As long as you don't have intentions, but being open to a frienship or more, then the friend zone is not a zone. I have never been with a woman that thought I used her and have become friends with women that I was interested in. That is my new thing. If you think about it, when you first hang out or date, you really can't like someone. You can be interested and want to learn about them. At a certain point, both people should say their intentions and if they don't match, then that is the time to either stay friends or move on. I have quite a few women that never got past the friends stage, but be had a good time and now I still talk to them periodicaly and neither party was ever disrepected. Sounds like I am a swinger and I am not. lol I think if you are truly honest and respectful, then you won't hurt people. I just tend to be too experessive and complimentary. That is cool because I won't play games just to play them. You or I has to hold back sometimes just not to be too overly expressive. Everyone seems to want a bit of a challenge. DiggityDogg, I think you are funny and love a little male bonding. Shysoul, you are a cool guy as well and I will watch you guys spar anytime. Shysoul, please change your gilrfiriends picture because it is a bit distracting. lol

[ShySoul]

ocrob, I'll be honest. I've disagreed with some things you've said in the past. A couple of your posts even annoyed me. But I am in total agreement with what you are saying here. Being friends with a girl is a great thing. Even if you are interested in some ways, how can you tell right away you like someone or really want to date them? You can be attracted, sure. But until you get to know the person, there really isn't anything there. And I think you can be friends with a person and find that out.

 

Just don't be someone who makes friends with a woman with the intent that it will make her like you more. You befriend her, simple to befriend her.

 

And just because you start to like someone who doesn't feel the same way, it doesn't mean anything bad. Your goal from the start was to make a friend, you did. Anything can still happen in the future. Its not a zone or something to avoid at all costs. It is what it is, a friendship.

 

Oh, thats not my girlfriend. Though I wouldn't mind if it was. It's singer Miranda Lambert. Fell free to look her up and gaze at her beauty.....

[ocrob]

Just think, if we lived in a world where people disagreed and were respectful. It is ok that you don't always agree with me because I am a bit stubborn, but open to other opinions. lol

[ShySoul]

I actually like it when people disagree with me. Debates are great. Either one person can convince the other and things become clearer for both, or they still disagree but walk away knowing that they were able to valiently defend there point of view and are more convinced because they had to brake out real points, facts, expereinces, etc. Better you can defend your opinion, stronger it is.

 

Only problem I have is when it isn't respectful. When you are rude or spend more of your time on personal attacks trying to drag the other person's name down instead of addressing the issue at hand.

 

I can be stubborn too (blame my family). But I am always opinion to what other people have to say and respect their right to say it, so long as it is respectful.