2 years into a relationship and finding out he doesn't trust what he has

[ravenfox]

 

two years relationship "first love"- and i love him enough to give up my family, and life need be, to be together. there isn't a thing on this earth i wouldn't do - and yes i tell him this constantly. but i heard from a friend of his about some site and was linked to it - showing how he basically says things on the effect of "all girls are like that" - just very cynical remarks that hurt my feelings because - well am i like that to him?

and more recently making direct remarks sniping our relationship including one that almost verbatim quoted what i said.. i always am really stressed out between him and my family and worry what will happen - and i am often unhappy because of school etc (working on my MD - yes imagine the stress) - but lately he has this " oh that's just the way you are" attitude - its like he suddenly sees me as a perpetual damper! ..back to the sniping - whenever i am down i tell him how happy he makes me and how much happier i am with him when i don't feel so peppy with the world. and its all true! but on the site he says that and says my words along with - "no woman can be happy - especially if she wasn't when you met her - if she says she makes you happy that just means she likes you."

 

now i don't even know how to tell him how much this hurts me - he said i was dramatic 2 months ago and was shocked i didn't take that as a complement. i am scared if i cry and have a fit like i will if i try to explain how his words make me feel - he will think i am just being dramatic

 

oh geez i just talked myself into a loop...any advice?

 

thanks for your time and words....

 

RavenFox

[ravenfox]

ps: also an negative to me telling him my feelinsg : he ignores me when i am angry bc he hates confrontations. during this time in the past he will spend time with other ppl and seeing him complement/shower them with attention will make me run a jealousy loop to appologize.

[registered]

Does he ever tell you that he loves you?

Does he say he likes to be with you?

 

Basically, does he express affection and love towards you?

 

If he does, I'd take that as a better indication then some quotes from a website that weren't directed or made to you.

 

His comments recently could have arisen from anything - including stress of his own.

 

His "attitude" may be a response to your jealousy/unhappiness/apprehension with the relationship.

[ravenfox]

i know...your right...but i want him to know when he casually says things like i am dramatic or i am "like that" (WHATEVER LIKE THAT MEANS ! AAH!) it hurts. how do i say it hurts without having a course of turretts and being dramatic

 

ps registered!

[registered]

No problem.

 

how do i say it hurts without having a course of turretts and being dramatic

Hmm, good point.

Maybe you could discuss this issue with him from the beginning so he knows what makes you feel the way you do? I mean bring it up before he says such things again.

Have you discussed with him why you feel this way? This way you won't be reacting to his comments and so he may be a little more willing to be fair and listen!

Why he made those comments is potentially more important than whether or not he made them at all.

[truthbetold]

Personally, the best part about the relationship I am in is our great communication skills. He knows I am not afraid to stand up to him and tell him how I feel, even if I break down and cry in the process, he also knows I am a strong person and I could very well survive without him. What you said in the beginning about how much you love him is great, I love my boyfriend that much as well, but he has also told me he would do anything for me, and that he loves me and so on.

 

I think if anything you should talk to him and try to make him understand your feelings, and one thing I have learned in the past about talking with men is be blunt. Be completely honest and blunt. Men do not pick up on analogies very well, nor do they understand a womans perspective, you just have to tell him how you feel and you might have to say it again and again, but if he loves you I think the message will get through. It's what works for me. Hope this helps some!

[ravenfox]

yes the blunt part is a huge tip. i do agree i tend to use analogies and "senario" situations a lot to bring my pt about. i think i'll list the topic i want to discuss and be really really forward the next time i see him. thanks truthbetold -i need to work a bit on my guts and be direct!

[ravenfox]

No problem.

 

Hmm, good point.

Maybe you could discuss this issue with him from the beginning so he knows what makes you feel the way you do? I mean bring it up before he says such things again.

Have you discussed with him why you feel this way? This way you won't be reacting to his comments and so he may be a little more willing to be fair and listen!

Why he made those comments is potentially more important than whether or not he made them at all.

your right! and i know your advice is sound - i just haveto get my courage up and running - and use truthbetold and your tactics on how to express myself.

 

but i haveto honestly say he doesnt THINK before he says these things - i am trying to decide if thats a good thing

- on one hand - its good - he just spews stuff - he may not mean them

- on the other hand - honestly takes no time going from your mind to mouth!

[registered]

As a guy I second what truthbetold said...be blunt - if you make it complex we won't understand!