So..bah humbug

[things_ive_done]

My ex broke it off with me in October (Oct 4th). I tried the friends thing for around 5 days, didn't work, I went NC for about 2 weeks, she called me, started chatting again, started hanging out, she told me she was still confused and didn't know what she wanted. A month ago she told me that she wasn't confused and didn't see us getting back together. SINCE she said that we've acctually grown closer together. We started having sex again (I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW I shouldnt do it), we hug, kiss, cuddle, good times.

 

She got kind of mad at me (almost 3 weeks ago) to find out that this one girl was txt msging me while we were at a friend of mine's house. But I told her there was nothing going on and whatnot, and she explained that I was free to do w/e I please cause we weren't together. That following weekend she was chilling with her friends, they were all drinking, and she ended up making out with one of those guys. I asked her the following day, when we were hanging out, if anything happened that would make me a lil' bit jealous. She didn't answer, but in the following 15 mins she pretty much told me. She cried, and told me that it wasn't fair for her to get mad at me when she goes and does that. From the tears that I saw, I looked at her and asked "It wasn't just making out was it?"....She started crying even more, grabbed me and swore to me that it was only that and nothing else. I left and received 3 msgs from her.

The msgs stated how happy I make her, and how when she's with me nothing else matters, how when shes having a bad day, even if we go out for 30 mins, she has a smile on her face @ the end of it. She told me that her good friend doesn't hate me (like I thought she did), and that she told her friend how happy I acctually make her and how her friend could tell because she's been glowing all week.

 

Skip forward about 2 weeks. We're still having sex, staying close, acting like we're together, but we're just not COMMITTED, its a......different relationship. She sent me a txt msg the other day saying how she cares about me and how much I mean to her but how she likes the way things are now and how she hopes that it's working for me. Of course I lied and I said I loved it etc etc, how the sex is awesome and how well we get along, etc. It's not that I don't love it, I DO, I just want the commitment again, and I'm hoping that if I stick around maybe things will change.

 

It felt good though, I got into a car accident about a week ago, where my car slid into a river and I had to jump out while it started filling in with water, and as soon as she saw me after wards she grabbed me and hugged me and wouldn't stop kissing me, telling me how worried she was . In the last two weeks, she's come with me to a funeral viewing for my friend's grandfather, and my work christmas party, we are still SOOOO close, it feels like we are each other's significant other, but it's just not official.

 

Oh, she also told me how she was gonna invite me over for Christmas Eve (like last year), but one of her friends (who doesnt live with their parents), has absolutely no one to celebrate Christmas with so she is gonna invite her (which I totally understand), but she said that maybe we could go out for Brunch the next day.

 

I think me and her need to have a talk sometime soon, I want her to be the one that I kiss on New Years ..I don't know if I want to picture her kissing someone else on midnight... like last year

[DN]

Be very, very careful here that you are not being used. I think you are possibly setting yourself up for a bad fall. At the moment she has all the benefits of a relationship with none of the commitment which leaves her free to dump you at the drop of a hat for someone else, or even date someone else at the same time.

 

You are in dangerous territory here and you have compounded it by telling her you are OK with the situation - when in reality you are not. You have effectively given her a free pass to do whatever she wants.

[Mrocza]

I totally agree with DN.

 

She could just be leading you on and in a safe situation because it isn't "official". And that detail means a hell of a lot more to you than her it seems. I understand you care for her and want to be with her, despite what has happened, but you're not happy without a straight answer. As happy as you feel when you're with her, you don't feel WITH her.

 

Ask her for a straight answer. You're not going to invest you time, emotions and love into someone who doesn't believe in it enough to invest back. I understand it's Christmas and you don't want to mess things up, but if she really cared for you like she says she does, it would mean nothing. It's not fair that you should have to walk on eggshells waiting for the next time for her to do something stupid because she's not your gf.

 

She's with you. You're having sex. You're acting like a couple. Saying it is a minor technicality. You don't deserve to be kept out in the cold with something like this.

[things_ive_done]

I agree with you, I really do, whole heartdly. She txt me yesterday and said the way we were going was starting to be too much, she says we're supposed to have our independence and not have to get mad if one or the other doesnt call or something to that agree, I agreeed, cause its true, we're not dating. She asked for a couple days before anything happened just to cool off cause I have a college entrance test I need to study for and she has exams for highschool. I said ok. She still wants to continue with like the casual sex and whatnot, as do I, but I guess I gotta live with the fact that I can't have her. Im just taking what I can get. Don't get my wrong now, I'm very flirtaious with other girls like my co workers and such, so I don't just draw all my attn towards here, I keep myself open to other girls as well.