What Happened!?

[jodybbwgirl]

ok, I met this guy online. we decided to become exclusive. Him and I spent alot of time together, talking about many different topics, telling each other our inner dreams and desires and about the future that we wanted together, he wanted to us to live together, in a yr or so get married, have a child, the whole nine yards. he was spending 5 days a week with me. he went to MINN. to visit family for thanksgiving, and before this, he planned on moving in with me. He left on the 21st, he called me on the 22nd. everything was great. the friday after that, i seen he was online, so i sent him a message (im always invisible online) i didnt get an answer back. so, i waited a few days, called him, he said plans havent changed, that when he got back he was moving in with me. finally caught him online again, he talked but not much. talked to him on the phone, and he hardly said 2 words to me. seen him online 2 times since then and no response. here it is dec. 14 and i still havent heard from him. he said when we talked last that he would be here with me for xmas. think he is avoiding me? when i call his families house, hes never there. and believe me i only call once a week, is that too much or not enough? what do you all think? need some advice here.](*,)

[DN]

Certainly something has happened to change the status quo. I think you should ask him what. It may be that he has found someone else, but it could also be that his family has influenced him, or he has 'cold feet', or any number of other things. But you have a right to know where you stand so I would message him and say that you want to know what is going on.

[annie24]

Ditto to what DN said. Something clearly changed - whether it be another woman, or he decided not to move in with you, for whatever reason.

 

How long have you been dating this man?

[jodybbwgirl]

when i have called the last couple of times, i tell his sisters to have him call me back and they tell me they dont know where he is and that he is off with a cousin of theirs. just getting a hold of him is the hard part to ask him whats going on, the last time i actually talked to him online i asked him if there was something bothering him, and he said "why", then he said "you always ask that" he was short with me. that was the last time i have talked to him online and once on the phone and he didnt say hardly 2 words to me. i havent called his families house in a week now.

[jodybbwgirl]

its been 3 months now. i just dont understand how fast a man can lose intrest after how close we were. so confusing...at first i was sad, now im just p***** off. i have sent him emails and offlines, telling him i deserve an explanation. but nothing so far. no responses.

[DN]

Don't jump to conclusions before you know what is wrong. But I would message him and say that if you don't hear from him within a certain timeframe (your choice) that you will consider the relationship over and move on. Make sure you mean it and follow through. It will be hard but better than being strung along.

[DN]

Do you mean that you have known him for three months - and were planning on moving in together?

[annie24]

Don't jump to conclusions before you know what is wrong. But I would message him and say that if you don't hear from him within a certain timeframe (your choice) that you will consider the relationship over and move on. Make sure you mean it and follow through. It will be hard but better than being strung along.

 

I agree. It's hard to face, but I think he's showing that something is up. He is being very evasive. Let's face it - a man that was excited about moving in with you would be calling often, getting plans ready for the move, asking for the dimensions of your doorway so he knows if his couch can fit, etc etc etc.

 

I think it's become extremely clear that after 3 months, you really don't know who this man really is. Who knows - perhaps he is already married or living with his girlfriend!!! Maybe you were just a flirtation and things got out of hand!

 

definitely, pick a time frame, and tell him he needs to tell you what's going on, or you are moving on. And follow through!!!!!!!

 

good luck

[jodybbwgirl]

well i have spent time at his place too, he had a roomate, he divorced 18 months ago. and i did tell my mother that im giving him til xmas to get his crap together. i would have even settled for a break up email, at least then i would know what is going on.

[annie24]

He may have another gf on the side. Really, 3 months isn't a long time to spend with someone. I think you're starting to see his true colors now. Maybe him and his ex-wife started working on reconciling after thanksgiving?

 

I think (and I bet you know this too), if he were really serious about a relationship with you, he would be making christmas plans with you.

 

It sounds like he's too "chicken-poop" to break up, so he's hoping you do it for him.

[jodybbwgirl]

well i know its not the ex wife, i know where she lives, and shes engaged. cuz we have picked up his son for weekends. and he has called her and talked to her about his son right in front of me, so i know its not her. im in wis, and so is his ex wife. currently he is in MINN. Well, i wasnt born yesterday, i know something is up, i just want to know what.

[catgirl82]

i cant tell you how many times this has happened to either me or one of my girlfriends- sometimes guys are just lame when it comes to breaking up!!

 

i dont think this applies to serious relationships where the people are in love- when i broke up w/ my serious bf of 1.5 years of course it was a mutual decision and we talked about it and i knew what was happening.

 

but ive dated guys where i thought everything was going great and then POOF- they disappear. eventually i call them and they spit it out, but i wonder if theyd ever call if i didnt call them. these are guys who were so infatuated with me in the first couple weeks that i thought they'd stick around forever. calling/emailing me all the time, constantly telling me how much they liked me, how "its never felt like this before"

 

that stuff is all lust and infatuation. sometimes it turns into love but usually it doesnt.

 

i dont understand why guys dont have the guts to break up with a girl- i know its an awkward convo to have but its so much more painful to wait by the phone.

 

i dont know for sure whats going on in your case but in my experience, when a guy starts to distance himself it usually means he's not that into you anymore and hes too scared or inconsiderate to tell you.

[annie24]

i dont understand why guys dont have the guts to break up with a girl- i know its an awkward convo to have but its so much more painful to wait by the phone.

 

i dont know for sure whats going on in your case but in my experience, when a guy starts to distance himself it usually means he's not that into you anymore and hes too scared or inconsiderate to tell you.

 

I guess in all fairness, we should say that women sometimes "disappear" on a men also.

 

Some people are just too afraid to do the breaking up, that they "disappear" on the person they are dating. It's their way of saying, "this relationship isn't working for me." And it sucks.

 

Not much you can do expect accept his feelings have changed, and move on.

[victimofabunnycooker]

I might be having my own relationship troubles right now Jody, but I can tell you two things I'd be pretty sure of

1. He got spooked about the closeness

2. If you completely stop contacting him, he'll start to wonder what you're up to and he'll contact you then you can get your answers

[PocoDiablo]

I'd say he's found a new woman and he is too chicken-sh** to break up with you.

 

Why would you want a man like that? Break contact. Throw his stuff outside in boxes and tell him he's got until trash day to get it, otherwise it goes in the trash.

 

Any man who treats you like that has no respect for you and does not care for you. Good thing you found out now and not after you moved in with him. Count your lucky stars!