Was this selfish??

[thoyneeka]

My birthday was a few weeks ago. I have friends who are not friends with each other (that's very normal and fine and dandy). But one of my friends didn't want to come to dinner on my birthday cause another friend was going to be there. Mind you, they've never had fights or anything outrageous, they just don't talk outside of me being the connection factor. So, she attempted to compensate by taking me out alone the next night. I told her I thought that was selfish of her not to come out on my birthday when she was very well able. Because like I said, they don't HATE each other or anything. I asked what was the big deal in just sitting for an hour and half to eat. Afterall, it was my birthday and bottom line: isn't it my day to celebrate the way I want?? For instance, if I have 15 different friends and we all don't hang out together all the time on a regular basis, why should I celebrate my birthday 15 different days? My birthday was the 25th not any other day. Her exact words were "I'm not going to be put in a situation I don't want to be in and you're selfish for not considering my feelings".

[lunatic]

I guess thats a tough situation because you want all your friends to be there. There is always a possibility that they will not get along. I do think you were a bit pushy when she told you she did not want to go. Sometimes your friends wont get along and you have to accept that. I think you might have asked her why she did not want to go. Maybe there is a good reason why she does not want to attend while this other person is there.

[kellbell]

Ummm, well I have to say you were a teensy bit selfish because even though these two people don't fight per say, she knew there was going to be tension and she probably didn't want to add tension to your night out so she opted for a alternative. Which I think was very nice and considerate of her to do. So I guess I would go apologize for what happened and see if you guys can't go out and do something together.

[thoyneeka]

no, we did go out already, the day after my birthday. my thing is how can i be selfish for something and she's doing the same thing... not considering my feelings. the thing is this, she says my other friend is fake because she doesn't hang out with her when i'm not in town. i think that's childish.

[lunatic]

I hate to be the one to admit this openly but, I sometimes meet people and DO NOT LIKE THEM.

 

They have never done a thing to me but, be totally nice and all. There is just something about that person that I just dont like. I think you both were a bit selfish on this one.

[thoyneeka]

the more i think about it, i really don't care. if it was that big of a deal about her not liking my friend, i wouldn't have said ok and gone out with her the very next nite. we just had this conversation last nite about why she didn't want to go/why she doesn't like my other friend... not on my bday. when she said she didn't want to go i just said okay, i was happy, but i said okay. i'm not so silly as to say, well u should like all of my friends, that's not realisitic. i think really what more upset me was that she was so quick to call me inconsiderate but she was also being inconsiderate. i just felt like that was hypocritical.

[babycristy456]

She probably felt uncomfortable around certain people...it happens. I am not saying this is the case, but maybe she would have felt left out. Whatever the reason is, it is understandable why you are mad. But whatever, she offered an alternative to make up for it and that should show you that she does care about your feelings.

[registered]

I don't think your friend was inconsiderate.

She didn't want to go to your birthday because that other person was there - fair enough.

Then she went and made up for it by going out with you alone the next day.

 

Sounds like she considered you in this picture just as much as she considered herself.

 

I asked what was the big deal in just sitting for an hour and half to eat.

The deal was that the other person was there - As she said not going to be put in a situation I don't want to be in and you're selfish for not considering my feelings".

[kellbell]

She WAS considering your feelings for two reasons: one she knew she does not like one of your friends so she didn't want to buy into any trouble on your special day so she was preventing any problems, and two, she suggested something for the two of you to do the next day. I don't know, I think you should drop it and just chalk it up as everyone just can't get along. Take care. Peace.