damn

[cristian123456]

hey, ok ... i havent had a girlfriend already for 4 years, im 19 now and i feel so pathetic. i feel so stranded that im not living what other people my age are living, im so bad with girls, i dont have a personality for the whole foreplay, i know im a very romantic guy, and the girls seem to not dig that. i feel like a geek, i dont know what girls want from me, i try to be in everything im in drama, rugby, ive got a good parttime job, i have friends, im interested in art and music, im very ambitiouse, i want to work in the hospitallity field, im going to do culinary arts and business. i dont do drugs and im kinda against the whole drug scene, ive even done things no other my friends would have the balls doing, like last summer i went backpaking to europe by myself with only 800 dolars in my account. i know 2 languages and im looking for a seriouse relationship, what else do girls want, o yea i think a big turn off is that i dont drive i noticed that when a girl canceled a date on me because i told her that i couldnt pick her up cause i had no car.

its like i know that if i had a chance with a girl i would make her the most happiest girl in the world, but they dont want that, they are just looking at who is the cooles guy, or the richest, or best looking, or popular, no one wants love, but i do.

i know you guys cant really help me, but id like to hear you know a small comment just to know anything thats on your minds.

[cruisin]

cristian -- Look, kid, I'd be your girlfriend if I wasn't old enough to be your mother! I know it hurts but don't dwell on it. That's the only thing I can say. The world today has become like a one-size-fits-all, or it's trying to be. A lot of people are buying into that because, well, that's what most people do, they buy into what's safe, which means not stepping out of line. It means doing what others do. And because in this world where we can all hear the same things practically and talk to each other all around the world and spread banal bits of popular culture from one part of the planet to another in a fraction of a second, a lot more people than not are doing the same old thing. It is unbelievably boring and believe it or not, the vast majority of people like boring. They pretend they don't. They pretend they are different and adventuresome and ooh and aah at people who are, but they actually prefer boring, the known, the "safe." If anything, you probably intimidate these kind of people and though I'm sure you'd be happy to be with some boring person just so you'd felt a little less out of it, if only for a little while, don't settle for it!! OK?! If you play down all that you do, you'll probably hook up with someone easy enough, but sooner or later (probably sooner than you'd believe) YOU'LL be the one bored out of his mind. Hang in there kiddo! Why don't you do the searching instead of hanging around waiting for someone to pick you up. You are living in a field of weeds. Get out of it and find that rare flower!

[brahman]

yeah no offense you sound kind of needy/pathetic. dont want to hurt you but girls dont want to see thta. at least not very many our age. most girls like a guy who shows his manlyness.

[cruisin]

brahman -- Did it ever occur to you that the reason he sounds needy is because he is asking for advice and has come to this board to get that. Ah, like, duh?!?!

[antigravity]

yeah no offense you sound kind of needy/pathetic. dont want to hurt you but girls dont want to see thta. at least not very many our age. most girls like a guy who shows his manlyness.

 

That's complete bullsh!t.. He doesn't sound needy and pathetic. He's feeling what a lot of people feel.

 

Just because he isn't a grunt with no feelings, doesn't make him pathetic.

 

And that's what pisses me off... Girls constantly say they want someone who loves them, cares for them, is romantic etc. etc. But when it comes down to it, they go for the exact opposite. This sh!ts me and I know exactly where cristian is coming from.

 

I've had a couple of girlfriends, and had another for 5 years, so I've had my share of girls, but I completely agree. The majority of young women go for the cool, sexy, hard to get guy... Doesn't matter what he's like, because the woman will then constantly try and convince herself that he's what she's after. In the end, it doesn't really matter as long as he's cool, hot and sexy.

 

This is what i've seen happen time and time again with friends of mine.

 

There are some good girls out there Cristian. They're just damn hard to find. But when you find one, make sure you enjoy it while you can!

 

Good luck mate.

[brahman]

lol, so i see i mad more angry as usual. i dont remember saying he had to be a cave man, i just said it would help if he acted like one from time to time. and im needy too, i just dont let anyone but my girl see it.

[cruisin]

Glad you said something anti, though I would tone down the "girls" generalization. I think it's a human thing.

[cruisin]

brahman -- It sounds like you consider making people angry to be like a points thing, oops, there goes another one, rack up a point for me.. If you only show need to your girlfriend then I'm afraid you're going to live a very insecure life and/or isolated life. And most people, once they find out you are so needy (and you bet it shows) are going to stay away from you because they know you won't open up to them. They won't want to open up to you. Sounds like fun. Real grunt stuff. And, you know, maybe the one-night stands and the club scene are about cave men AND women, but good healthy longlasting relationships are NOT.

[brahman]

i think you forget that you are not me, and that you do not act like me, lol. i do what i do to be as happy as i can be. when i say act like a cave man i dont mean going around beating people up and treating women like crap. or any like crap for that matter.

 

its funny how you actually try to determine who i am by my statements on enotalone. i think i make my self out to be more of a jerk than i really am.

 

 

and by the way since you said the thing about no woman wanting to get close to a guy who never shows emotion. a lot of women do, lol. you just dont know cause well, your dumb and try to tell others how there life either is or will turn out. and jesus crist give me a freakin break, im trying to give advice to a guy who wants to know how to attract more women.

 

you dorks just tell him to do nothing but be himself, which may or may not get him a girl that is meant for him, but definatly wont get him, MORE women. your way takes longer and could fail. if he could get the confidence to simply go for it then he will be further than you can get him. he said he wants the daters life anyways. he want a relationship yes, but he also said he looks at others his age and sees how easy it is for them and wants to know how they do it. hes gotta decide what he wants here.

 

once again sry if i upset anyone by the statements i made,

[cruisin]

Now who's got his dander up?

 

its funny how you actually try to determine who i am by my statements on enotalone. i think i make my self out to be more of a jerk than i really am.

 

brahman -- It is funny, that. What else do we have to go on?!?! And I'm glad you're not such a jerk!

 

 

and by the way since you said the thing about no woman wanting to get close to a guy who never shows emotion. a lot of women do, lol. you just dont know cause well, your dumb and try to tell others how there life either is or will turn out.

 

I didn't say that, maybe someone else? I did mention the cavewomen, remember?

 

you dorks just tell him to do nothing but be himself, which may or may not get him a girl that is meant for him, but definatly wont get him, MORE women.

 

If the guy JUST wants women, I suppose he could always pay for them, right? Dorks? Did you determine that by something we wrote perhaps?

 

Chill, brahman, please!!

[brahman]

And most people, once they find out you are so needy (and you bet it shows) are going to stay away from you because they know you won't open up to them. .

 

 

didnt i say i would open up to them?

 

though i did misinterpret part of your post before this one

[brahman]

Now who's got his dander up?

Dorks? Did you determine that by something we wrote perhaps?

i called you a dork, deal with it, i did not how ever tell you who you are and how women treat you.

[cruisin]

No, brahman, you didn't say anything about opening up to people that I can see. And you said you only show your neediness to your girlfriend. Yes, I can certainly deal with being called a dork! But, I don't understand the difference between being called something and being told "who you are." ?????

 

Anyhow, whatever! We're supposed to be trying to help cristian dude out here not make this into an over-analysis of what we say to each other!

[registered]

Yeah guys, let's leave it at that

Lol.

 

You just have to be yourself, you are a good guy and you sound very interesting. It's just a matter of meeting girls.

If you are yourself and are confident in whatever/whoever you are and are not then you will have a lot of chances ahead.

Don't feel you need to be like anyone else - I think you have this one under control, that's great. You wouldn't want to be like anyone else anyway, you are a good guy as it is.

 

The girls are out there, even the ones that prefer non-cavemen Don't give up, keep at it and you will meet someone sooner rather than later.

The thing about people is they often want one thing and need another...I think you have some attributes that would fit under the need rather than want category (I'm sure you have a lot of the wants too )...this can only be good in the long run.

 

All the best.

[hk87]

Wow, guys-chill. We're supposed to be helping cristian here. I can't speak for anyone but myself- but what you've just described is exactly the type of guy I go for. I hate the arrogant, showy types of guys who play hard to get. The sensitive and caring guy always comes first for me, and always will.

Don't ever give up hope. A loving and caring girl who likes you for you will come along when you least expect it.

 

Hk87

[moondog627]

In response to the original poster, don't sweat not being in a serious relationship just yet. You're very young and you have lots of time. I didn't have my first REAL SERIOUS relationship until I turned 25. Before that I was just having fun.

 

Firstly, there's nothing wrong with being a nice romantic guy. Remember, just because you're nice doesn't mean you're weak. Always stand up for yourself and your opinions. And never be afraid of offending a woman because of your opinions. Always act like wherever you are is the best place in the world (Fast Times reference) and always believe that YOU are the catch. Never shower a woman with gifts or compliments prematurely. Make them work for you. You're the catch.

 

Stay busy with your life (sounds like you are) and focus on improving yourself. A man who is focused and has goals in life is very attractive. And you open up the possibilities of meeting new people by involving yourself in various activities. If you're shy, a good way to get over talking to women on the street is by talking to any random stranger on the street, male or female. It makes a huge difference in your socializing skills. Watch other guys and how they try to pick up women. Notice their successes and failures. Find out from other women the best way to spark conversation.

 

Above all, the number one thing you need to possess is CONFIDENCE. Don't worry about whether or not you are in a relaionship. That will come in time, trust me. Most young people go for the hot and popular of the opposite sex but time is not on their side. You are the type of guy, when all is said and done, that will wind up on top. Now get to work.

[Dating Coach]

its like i know that if i had a chance with a girl i would make her the most happiest girl in the world...

 

cristian, that comment right there tells me how bad you lack experience with dating. The good thing is that you are only 19 and you shouldn't get too down on yourself for it. You are very young.

 

The reason I said that your comment shows your lack of experience (and also hints towards what part of your problem is) is because it is not your job to make someone happy. It sounds to me like you plan on catering to your future girlfriend to make them happy.

 

You will never make a woman happy to be with you forever by catering to her and trying to make her happy. Why? Women need a man who respects himself as much as he respects her. If you sit there and try to please your woman every second of the day then you are headed right towards doormatville. Every guy that I have ever met or ever talked to who becomes the doormat guy giving the girl everything she ever wanted in attempt to make her happy... ended up in a poor relationship full of abuse. It was her commiting the abusive acts and him letting it happen. Who can be happy in such a relationship because the guy doesn't respect himself enough to realize that she isn't some goddess to be worshipped.

 

A relationship isn't about doing everything you can for your partner, it's about doing everything you can for you as a couple. She is not a goddess and she is not your superior. You are supposed to be equals. If you want to go out to eat at Outback Steakhouse and she wants Chevy's, then you can go to Chevy's. But if the next time you want to go to Outback and she says she wants Casa's, you tell her "No, we did yours last time when I wanted Outback, so this time we do Outback. If we can't agree next time then we will do yours again."

 

That is an example. You should treat your partner how you would want to be treated and your partner should treat you as you would treat them. Too many times when a guy is like "I'll give you everything you want to make you happy baby..." or "If you want Casa's even though I don't like it, you got it baby. Oh, you want to go their next time too? Whatever you want baby. Again? We were just there... oh, but hey, I love ya so let's go there again, just for you baby." It's pathetic, and guys like that get taken advantage of and used. And you know what? All the guys who I have ever known ended up getting cheated on and/or dumped. Why? Because how long do you think that this girl can have respect for this guy? He is a total doormat and doesn't respect himself enough to tellher no and stand his ground when he has every right to. That's why you hear some guys crying about how much they love a girl and how they did everything for her and how they can't believe she left... It's their own fault.

 

I don't know about you but I could not stand a girl who tried to do everything I told her to do. It would be boring and there would be no challange. I wouldn't respect her for not respecting herself.

 

Anyway, if you want some help to learn what it is that you may or may not be doing wrong, I suggest yo follow the link that is in my signiture. It will take you to a thread where I posted a Dating Guide for Men. It will describe what it is that most guys do wrong in dating and meeting people. I think it can help you.

[PocoDiablo]

I absolutely agree with DiggityDog. He is right on. If you supplicate, or kiss up, to a woman she will lose all respect for you very quickly. It is not a thing that a true man would ever do. A real man would understand that a relationship is a two-way street. Both of you should be getting something out of it. If you give her everything she wants (and you actually believe that she knows everything she wants and will tell you) then she will get bored of you. You are, in essense, being boring. I don't know about you, but if my GF told me she'd do anything I wanted every day I would quickly get bored and dump her.

 

In my opinion, you have to reward your partner for them doing something for you. You've heard the phrase give and take, right? That is what it is all about. You should give only after you've gotten something in return, or know you will get something in return. For example, my fiance wanted me to take her to the store, and I (flirting) asked her what I got out of it. (I won't tell you what I got, but it was nice!) Otherwise, you're a pushover. That's bad.

 

Now let's examine your situation a little bit and see if we can pick anything else up.

 

im so bad with girls

You need to learn and then practice. Go find some sites that focus on dating, meeting women, picking up women, flirting, etc. If you like to read, consider some books. You may also want to watch this movie: The Tao of Steve. It's an excellent start to dating.

 

i dont know what girls want from me

They want a man who is mature, self-confident, has self-control, flirts, is a challenge (read: NOT a doormat), and fun to be with (read: don't talk about problems, your feelings, cars, computers, rugby, drama, etc.)

 

im looking for a seriouse relationship

You need to master dating and meeting women before you can jump into anything serious. Your first relationships will most likely fail, just like when you learn to ride a bike you will fall down. So you need to start getting out there, asking women on dates, figuring out what went wrong if they turned you down, and the improve yourself. After a few years THEN you can try to get serious.

 

i think a big turn off is that i dont drive i noticed that when a girl canceled a date on me because i told her that i couldnt pick her up cause i had no car.

Yeah, that will be an issue at your age unless you live in a big city with Metro, like SF, DC, NY, etc. Save up and get a CLEAN car.

 

if i had a chance with a girl i would make her the most happiest girl in the world

This statement comes from a position of weakness. Women want STRENGTH. This is also known as confidence. That means that you should be thinking "If any girl had a chance with ME, I would want her to make me the happiest guy in the world. But she is going to have to work hard to get to know me because I am not just going to spill my guts and date anyone. I have standards. I won't date a redhead, or someone in the glee club, or someone who is too young, or someone who is a skinhead." Get some standards and then measure the women you meet and see if they meet them. What DO you want in a woman? I know I want a giving, caring, flexible woman, but most of all she must have a high interest level in me. No drug users, no smokers, no redheads , no DUI's, no kids, no boyfriends, no drama queens, etc.

 

they are just looking at who is the cooles guy, or the richest, or best looking, or popular

They want strong. Coolest, richest, best looking, popular are all signals of strong, but cannot replace TRUE strength. Guys like that are popular y default - they often have few or no women skills and the women will dump them soon. Strength is inside of you and comes with practicing dating, being social, etc.

 

no one wants love, but i do.

We all do. Everyone does. This negative attitude will drive people away. Don't hate them for not being smart enough to see how good of a person you are. Instead, open your eyes and find the woman out there who DOES want it, and is single, and has chemistry with you.

 

i know you guys cant really help me, but id like to hear you know a small comment just to know anything thats on your minds.

Only you can help you. But we can help you with that. Go read some of this stuff and think about what may or may not apply to you:

 

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and my personal favorite AFTER you've read the other sites:

 

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Doc Love focuses more on long term issues, but you ABSOLUTELY have to fix the other issues you have FIRST, and the other sites can help you. You have to take baby steps, so to speak, before you can run.

 

Don't disregard the sites because of their names, or their content. Even if only half of the information is helpful, it's more than you've got now. And believe me, there is a LOT of good information, but it will help you ONLY if you really want to fix it.

 

Don't wait until you're 30 like I did. I wasted the best years of my life!