Dating Serious, Conservative Women

[Lion-Guy]

Ya that is what I was thinking, she said that she had a thing for them at the time, but learned that she didn't have much in common and it didn't last too long.

 

I wish I could say that she is dating me, but we have had only one formal date, the rest was more on the terms of friends (football game, few road trips, shopping, bars, meeting my friends). I guess I should be thankful that she has made herself available as much as she has considering how busy she is.

 

But then these thoughts are in the back of my mind, What if you are new to a city, worked a lot, didn't have much $ and there was a guy that was interested in you and knew the ropes of the town. Would you use him and his connections to meet people?

[Lion-Guy]

Well she called tonight to thank me for dropping off her stuff when she wasn't home. We talked for a few minutes. But she didn't say anything about my second date offer. Women, if you were interested wouldn't you say something and not expect the guy to bring it up again? I know she doesn't have time this week, but there was no counter-offer. She just ignored it. Kind of gutless.

 

I feel like shooting her a quick e-mail to get closure and keep her as a friend. Something along the lines of:

 

"I take it you are not interested in second date or you would have said something. No hurt feelings. Have a good Christmas. "

 

What do you guys think?

[SimonBlume]

I suggest you not to write such a thing. Instead, call her or email her and say explicitly that you want a second date, and see how she responds. Chances are that if you put down things like "I think you don't want it..." then if she's merely hesitating she'd say "you're right" since your words actually push her to agree with you!

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In the end, it's still up to you of course. Good Luck. : )

[Msnak]

An email is fine, but phrase it more positively...say: "If you'd like to join me, I would like to go to a (play, museum, ???) after the holidays when things slow down, perhaps (specific date & time)?"

[Lion-Guy]

Quick Update: I decided not to e-mail her as some had suggested. Good idea!!

 

No contact over the holidays. We were both in different cities hanging out with family.

 

Out of no where yesterday she calls me and ask if I would like to get some dinner with her. (I was shocked, this girl has yet to extend and invite to me) I am not sure what to make of it. We had a nice dinner, did a little shopping afterwards and she dropped me off. I am sick with the flu so there no chance of me getting a first kiss

 

She knows I wanted to take her on another date so I am pretty sure that I have made my interest clear. Does this look like a good sign? Does it show more interest than just a friend?

[spritescream]

hey dude! from what i can see, she's definitely interested in you but perhaps want to take things slow and not plunge right into a relationship so soon! otherwise she wouldnt have asked you out for dinner!

 

keep it going dude, don't be discourage by all the negative thinking

 

Good luck!

[Lion-Guy]

Well she DOESN'T want to date right now!

 

I had a feeling this is how it was going to turn out but she never really made it CLEAR to me. Especially since she accepted my first date and asked me to go to dinner with her this week. That confuses me.

 

But I appreciated her honesty when she told me she doesn't want to date right now, I just wish she would have told me a few weeks ago so I didn't waste the effort and time. I am glad I didn't try to make a move on her and that would have been awkward later on.

 

Of course she still wants to hangout as friends still. Grrr......sounds like my ex! But I am not attached to her at all and we were friends at first so that can probably work out.

 

Oh well.....I will move on to the next one. Another lesson learned.

[ducky]

Oh well. Women -- We'll never understand them. Welcome to the world of dating

[Msnak]

Goodness, I'm a woman, and I'm mad at this chick!

 

She should've been more upfront. She did lead you on.

 

There are so many people who do that, sometimes unwittingly. Sometimes they don't know what or how they feel, but it takes them a bit to figure it out. But why can't they just say so?

[Lion-Guy]

Msnak and ducky thanks for the remarks.

 

Ya I think you are right Msnak I did feel like I was led on a bit. I made it very clear to her that I wanted to date her and she knew that. But I think she was nervous or afraid to tell me that she didn't want to date. Instead she waited (a few weeks), hoping that I would figure it out. Of course, I just thought she was playing hard to get or something since she was still showing interest in doing things together.

 

At least in this case I can truthfully say that it is her lost. She really didn't have a lot to offer me when I sit back and think about it.

[Msnak]

Lion,

 

You hit on it exactly right when you said it's her who lost out, because each of us really is a prize. And we deserve someone who can recognize how valuable a prize we are. Onward and upward!

[Eyre]

Also could be that she wasn't sure. Honestly guys, how many of you ALWAYS know what your emotions are telling you. I've said before that I didn't want to date, and in truth I was just unsure as to whether or not I'd be just wasting my time with someone for who I didn't feel seriously about.

 

I never want to date the guys who ask me out, because I don't know them and really don't want to spend months or years with them becoming attached emotionally and then discover that the guy is seriously incompatable with my likes/morals/goals. I've seen it happen more times that I can count with my friends. The best relationships I've seen started out as friendships and blossomed into more...not started out as dating.

[Lion-Guy]

I've said before that I didn't want to date, and in truth I was just unsure as to whether or not I'd be just wasting my time with someone for who I didn't feel seriously about.

 

How do you know if you don't give things a try? Isn't that what dating is all about?

 

 

I never want to date the guys who ask me out, because I don't know them and really don't want to spend months or years with them becoming attached emotionally and then discover that the guy is seriously incompatable with my likes/morals/goals. The best relationships I've seen started out as friendships and blossomed into more...not started out as dating.

 

 

In my case, we were becoming friends first. In fact we had done a lot of things as just friends. But I decided to take a chance up things a notch and see where it would go. No where is where it went.

 

I have a lot of girls who are "just friends", and I cherish their friendship, but I don't see potential in turning into more. That is why I have decided to be upfront with girls and let them know that I am interested in dating them.

[Eyre]

How do you know if you don't give things a try? Isn't that what dating is all about?

 

Ah...but that cuts to the heart of many a conversation. What exactly is the point of dating in the first place? For some it is to have fun. To others it is to latch on (aka not be alone). And then there are the expected levels of future committment considered by all in involved (sex, living together, marriage, and in what order...).

 

While I prefer to find out if I can stand an individual as a person first, I acknowledge that that isn't everyone's method of choice.

 

That is why I have decided to be upfront with girls and let them know that I am interested in dating them.

 

And there is certainly nothing wrong with that choice. I would be the last to say that. I have experienced the talk where a friend (now happily seeing someone) made a comment about how much he had always liked me. My response that if he had ever asked me out I would have said yes didn't go over too well, despite the fact that he was perfectly happy with his girlfriend. And sometimes it just works out that way (or doesn't, as the case may be).

 

I'm sorry that it didn't work out for you. I will spare you the platitudes...I'm sure that you've heard them before. (and they never make me feel better anyway.)