does this make sense?

[Kamue]

i am a cutter and a self abuser. i have bouts of very low self esteem and im not to fond of how i look. there are many things ive done inn the past that really upset me. so to help, i cut myself. not to deal with the problems, but i honestly feel i deserve to be hurt.

for example, my semi bf had made out with my best friend. well the next night, i had a talk with him about it and he said he regretted kissing her. he knew that what they did made me very upset considering they are both my best friends and she said she'd never do anything like that with her friends ex's or crushes. so anyway, that night i had slept with him to help show to him that i was okay and i still loved him and so on.

the next day all three of us hung out and i was flirty with him and such and my friend got mad. later i found out that she thought they were dating and he had asked her out (because he wanted to know if she wanted to date him in the future, but she didnt understand what he meant). i felt like such a skank becuase i had slept with him and i made him cheat on her. so i cut myself up very badly.

so what im asking is, does anyone else feel like they deserve the pain they inflict on themselves?

[blink182rocks988]

I know someone who did it cuz they thought they needed to be punished for something. I do it cuz it distracts me from things that are bothering me and leaves me with a sense of "im okay". Id say its normal...

[Kamue]

thanks. i really appriciate your input, considering ive never met anyone with my mentality about it. i'll take your word for how normal it is

[imagi]

I started cutting to feel something. I was numb. I stopped, and I started again pretty seriously because of a lot of negative crap that was happening in my life. All of those 'incidents' were because I was numb, or because I needed to feel real pain. Pain that people could see because the pain that I was being given, no one was believing because the person who was abusing me never physically hurt me enough to leave marks. . so a bit of both I guess

[Kamue]

thats to bad, but i understand what you mean. thank you very much for your imput!