question for the guys!!

[amanda22]

whats the best way to turn a guy down? i consider myself a nice girl and i have a very hard time telling a guy, "thanks, but youre just not my type".

 

so what would you guys respect hearing? a lie that wont hurt your feelings? or the truth and ill sound like a b*tch? or some generic line like, no thank you?

 

i have a prob in both situations, guys you just meet at the bar and then guy friends. should i let them down the same? or differently? i just have a hard time telling someone i dont like them, i dont want to hurt anyones feelings, but at the same time, i dont want to lead anyone on.

 

so what do you guys think i could say???

 

thanks

[ShySoul]

I would appreciate honesty. Not blunt, "go away" honesty, but a simple "I appreciate the offer and I'm flattered, but no thank you" will do. If it is with a friend, make sure he's not to hurt by it and that it doesn't change anything between you two.

[amanda22]

thanks. ive been kind of a home body for a while, but i really want to start going out again. i just really want to talk and make friends but guys often think im flirting. i like to talk and im friendly so i understand why they may think im "interested". but usually im JUST friendly and am not looking for anything more than a good conversation. it just helps to know what to say at the end of a converstaion so i wont look like im making something up cause i often feel awkward or uncomfortable when guys ask for my number and i dont want to give it out just so i wont look stuck up.

 

oh yeah and is there anything i can do to make it clear im NOT flirting and im just talking and being friendly? or not really? personally i think its a fine line

 

thanks again!

[Hannibal]

No touching, thats a huge sign that someone is flirting. Maybe try to find something on the subtle hints that we give off when we are flirting, like girls touch their hair a lot. Once you know these maybe you can recognize that you are doing these and catch yourself (if you are doing them at all). The subtle hints are what most people will pick up on and lead them to think that you are flirting, although they don't know it. Then again there are just some people who are completely oblivious to everything!

 

In response to your first question, I would feel a lot better if I got turned down honestly than if I thought that she was making something up as an excuse.

[amanda22]

well, hannibal, im not a touchy feely person by nature but i see what your saying. i mean i smile alot and ask open ended questions. but that to me is just being nice and conversing. if i feel them beginning to get interested i try to distance myself or to get quiet or make my answers short. i really try not to send mixed messages. i often think if i say hi to a guy they think im interested. im not trying to be conceited but i think many guys think i wouldnt talk to them or be nice to them unless i liked them. its just hard. my friends constantly think i was flirting with someone and im like i was just talking to them! geez! and many other people think im too friendly for my own good. but thats just who i am.

 

i just feel as though saying im seeing someone is easier on a guy than no. at least with the prior its me and it has nothing to do with them. and then theres the guys where you say no and they dont stop or they want to know why. when i say im seeing someone, they dont push. agggg...i dont know but i hate lying.

 

you guys really think a thank you but no type of approach is best?

dont you think sometimes ignorance is bliss?

[antigravity]

If I'm rejected, i'd like to hear "Sorry your just not my type."

 

I'd rather hear that than "i'm flattered", "or i'm not after anyone at the moment". I'd find those really condescending. Especially when you hear soon after that she's just got a new boyfriend! hehehe.

 

Not being your type just means that. If someone said that to me, at least I know it's probably the truth and there is nothing i've done to ruin it. Just bad luck more than anything.

 

Go with that!

[amanda22]

thanks to all you guys. your being very helpful. i always say im not looking for anyone right now or if im really lying i say i have a bf. its just easier, but ill work on it!!

[Hannibal]

In response to your ignorance is bliss question....

 

I can usually tell if a girl is lying about that and it bothers me a lot. Again just be honest, it may be hard to do but it for sure the best way to go!

[amanda22]

okay, if you guys say so. i was surprised to hear that you pretty much all agreed. and now that you say you can pretty much tell, come to think of it, i can too

[antigravity]

Yep.. tell em they're not your type.

 

definitely the best way to go.

[PocoDiablo]

If you tell them that they are not your type, you run the risk of making a gy look stupid, especially if you do it in front of someone else. That can be bad.

 

I would recommend you just give them a fake phone number.

 

It happens, guys understand. (Or at least they SHOULD.)

[antigravity]

No way... fake numbers suck.

 

The guy is gonna look stupid when he tells his mates he get her number, and then calls it, and get's someone else!

 

By straight forward and honest. He'll get over it quickly.

[PocoDiablo]

Yeah, but how many times have you told your guys "Hey, the number was fake?" lol

 

I know I sure haven't! It is something he can do privately.

 

Besides, a true man doesn't kiss and tell, so to speak.

[Dating Coach]

I think the fake number would give the guy a hint but it wouldn't get rid of him at the moment. The guy could easily continue to talk to you or continue to flirt, etc if you give him a fake number because he thinks you like him. Or, he could call that number to make sure it wasn't fake while you are still around. Believe it or not it happens, and that would create an awkward situation.

 

To the OP, I understand that you don't want to feel bad by just telling the guy straight out that you aren't interested, but it is actions like this which cause guys to be forced to disregard what you say and start learning to pay attention to actions. Most guys are too inexperienced to get that yet and will take you "easy let down" as a maybe, or that someday they might have a chance, and then they waste time on you and hope for better.

 

You MUST shut them down. Find a way to be clear without being rude and you've found the best way. Not all guys will be happy with rejection but the good ones will understand. The guys who might get offended are the jerks and be glad you got rid of them.