Tell ex or not, she wants to hang out--what do you think?

[redandblack]

had to delete, sorry

[Bigbilly]

You seem to already know the answer. If being around her is only going to hurt you more and set you back, it's a bad idea. You think you can really just be buddy-buddy with her, or is your motivation to spend time with her going to be a chance to reconsile? And is that's so, do you imagine she's really going to want to give it a shot?

[patience]

Did she call you and ask you out for a proper date? Or did she email or IM or test and ask to hang out with no particulars?

 

Is she putting any real effort into communicating with you? Is she dating other people?

[redandblack]

She is dating nobody else. She knows that when she or I dates someone else, I will not talk to her any more. She just said asked if I wanted to hang out "sometime this week". She will probably ask me to hang out with her tomorrow night or the next.

 

Any real effort... I don't know. She IM'd me twice and seemed excited, but I was away and she didn't call. However she probably wanted to spend the day with her family.

[Bigbilly]

Personally, I would just leave off and not contact her at all. I couldn't handle "hanging out" with the girl I loved when I know she's dating some other guy. I'd rather just keep her out of my life completely.

 

Maybe that's just me, though.

[heloladies21]

Low contact like this is never a good idea. It lets the dumper off the hook by easing their guilt. She's saying "well at least he'll talk to me so I don't have to feel guilty about dumping him anymore." And she'll never have to decide whether to get back with you or not because she already has you! (in the background at least)

 

Best thing for you to do is NC for real. Don't return her calls or IM or emails for a while. No need to announce it. It will give you two the real separation you need to be able to make the right decisions and will set an ultimatum for her to make up her mind about you. She hasn't shown you anything to suggest that she's considering wanting you back. She has to show you something all on her own or else you will move on. Both of you need to understand this.

[patience]

If you choose to hang out with her, how will that affect you? Will you be putting your emotional well-being at risk? Can you handle hanging out casually with her?

 

You may want to meet up and hear what she has to say. Maybe this is something you need to do before you can truly let go? Only you know the answer to that. If meeting with her hurts like hell, in a strange way, that will actually help you to stick with NC.

 

Put yourself first. Do what is best for you in the long run.

[redandblack]

Thanks everyone! I am going to step it up and just go to real no contact for a while. She's on break and I know she's in town, so we'll see how she takes it. But really, I could care less.

She has to show you something all on her own or else you will move on. Both of you need to understand this.

Thanks man. That really got me thinking. I know she is expecting me to hang out with her soon. I guess that just shows that she is taking me for granted being in "the background". I guess I'll just have to stay extra busy this week. Thanks everyone and take care

[patience]

someone who doensn't make concrete plans isn't all that interested, IMHO, and chances are, yes, she is taking it for granted that you will be available at her whim

[Rev_Limit]

if you do hang out with her(not saying that you are, just If)..

 

I say .. if your hanging out with her.. show her a good time.. enjoy the time together.. make he laugh, smile and act like you two are just good friends.. don't bring up the past at all.. give her a great day with alot of fun and smiles.. then leave it at that and just go home.. dont try to contact her after that.. let her come to you... maybe later she will be like hey.. wow I really had a great time with him.. this will make her think of you.. well from personal experience it worked for me... make them feel great .. and that keeps them thinking about you.. be like yeah last night i had a great time with him..

 

if you hang out with her.. just Hold your feelings back.. and enjoy the time.. might benefit to you..

 

You gotta show her.. what shes missing out on.. a great guy.. someone whos great and fun to hang with...

 

might help you out.. might not.. but its not a bad idea..