Im in need of some insight

[NR498E]

Ive been broken up from my girlfriend of 2and1/2 yrs for almost 5 months and about just as long with strict no contact.Im still very depressed that it's over.I truly did love this girl and I was damn sure she was the one.Ive dated a few girls in the last few months.But to be completely honest it sucks.I constantly compare them to my ex.

My real problem is Ive been avoiding my ex like the plague.She's made no effort to contact me since the break up.I have absoulutly no clue what she's been up to.We have a few mutal friends but they don't talk about her in front of me.I don't know if they fill her in on what im doing or not.Anyway, I don't go to any of my old hang out spots or anywhere there might be the slightest chance of bumping into her.I cant stomach seeing her yet.

She must know Im avoiding her if I was going to the places I used to hang out I woulda run into her by now.Do you think she realizes that Im avoiding her?Do I look like a total punk?Should I start going back to my old spots?They were mine before hers anyway.Or should I just keep trying to avoid her?I hate to say it but Iam still in love with this girl and a big part of me wants her back.Im trying my best to move on but its sooooo hard.What does a dumper think after they can somebody theyve been with for so long.Does she think about me?Does she hurt even a tiny, tiny bit.I know these are difficult questions but if anybody out there could offer a little insight or anything I would be very grateful.Thanks everybody.

[Celadon]

Andy, sorry about your breakup. I've been there and it does really hurt and take time to get over, especially since you truly loved and cared for her.

 

I think you don't sound ready to see her again. You still want her back. In fact, the idea that you're wondering what she thinks about you still shows you're attached to her.

 

I have to believe that the dumper does hurt a bit, but since there was some reason for the break-up in the first place, that means the dumper was pretty much ready to move on at that point. That's the harsh fact, and it was true when my ex dumped me. People generally don't break up with their bfs/gfs if they're conflicted about it in some way, imho. In fact, some try to get their bfs/gfs to break up with *them* to save them the trouble.

 

All this being said, though, I might suggest two things. One, decide what kind of things you'll say and do if you should run into her. It helps to be prepared. I'd advise keeping it simple, like - "Hey how are you. Yes, i'm doing fine. I'm doing ____ now. Well it was good to see you. Bye."

 

Second, you might ask your friends whether your ex is actually at your old hang outs. Because if she ISN'T, then you can go back to them. I don't think you should make a big deal out of avoiding her, because that actually keeps her in your life, if you know what I mean. (It leaves you thinking about her.)

 

Hope some of this helps. Hang in there, bro.

[Tigris]

I'm sorry to say this but it's going to take a lot longer than 5 months to get over your ex if you've been together for 2 and a 1/2years. Only time will help you heal.

 

I fell in love with someone and told them and never had a relationship with them. It took me 3 years to get them out of my system!

 

I agree with K8tie Kool ask your friends if she frequents your old haunts, it she doesn't start going there. You need to return to those places so that you get used to NOT associating them with her.

 

Good luck and take care.

[heloladies21]

If you're still not strong enough don't go to those hang outs. All of your questions are understandable. The answers wouldn't give you what you're really looking for anyway. All you need to know is that she doesn't truly care about you and it's her mistake to make.

 

You've been really strong by doing No Contact. Keep at it.

[Jut]

Repeat this line in front of the mirror ten times and think while you speak

"I deserve respect , i am a good person and there is someone better looking out for me". Remember my friend you are doing no contact to heal yourself , to see the person who was unchanged, original, funny and had loads of self respect. Be that guy, be better than that guy. Believe me the reward worth the wait. Month down the line you will see a confident guy in the mirror who learned from his past. This is not going to be easy but nothing in life is.

[NR498E]

thanks for your words of wisdom guys.It does help.