Incredible Emotional Difficulty I need serious advice!!

[SolSystem]

Greetings to everyone! I am 23 and have been dating my girlfriend for just over 2 years, and we live together, this is my first serious relationship. Recently I have been experiencing incredibly difficult emotional rollercoasters -- and I have no idea how to sort my mind out. We have been thinking about the future more and more -- and the more I think, the more I realize there are differences that might be problems. In the past, I think I may have been a victim to fantasizing about the future rather than stand back and realize reality. We try to work everything out, which is great! One of the main issues is that I have an autistic brother, who will not be able to live on his own. (He is now 25). I am incredibly close to him, in addition to the rest of my family. My girlfriend, in the past, made me feel incredibly tense for being close to my family. Her family has divorce all over -- and I have never given her a problem about that, why should I?

 

She loves to travel -- and desires to live abroad. She has studied abroad, and of the 2 years we have been together, she has studied a total of 7 months abroad. I believe that no one should give up what they want to do for someone else, and there was not one second I felt she shouldn't go. This is why I have been upset over why I've been made to feel bad for wanting to be with my family -- even for just a few days! We both want to be with our families on Christmas Day, and I totally understand and want to be with her on that day. She can't understand why I am OK with her being with her family and me with mine -- but not together. She says she has improved, and gotten better at understanding, and has even felt closer to my family -- but it is hard to believe that given the past 2 years have been the opposite.

 

These emotions make me think about how my brother needs to be taken care of (my parents won't be able to one day), and she does not deserve this kind of stress. I expressed this to her -- and she has even suggested that he could come live with us. And that's wonderful! But it would be prevent her from accomplishing her dream of living/working abroad. Too many people have made the mistake of making such a sacrifice.

 

Also, I must admit, I am terrible with money. It has gotten better over the past few years. I am a full time college student and work roughly 20 hrs on top of that. I have been missing a few past bills, and I feel that although she is understanding -- I feel that I need to work this out myself -- and she does not need this kind of stress either.

 

So I have been feeling black and white a lot. I tend to have a goofy sense of humor, which she has always had difficulty appreciating, and understanding. I feel I am not my true 100% self around her -- I have felt much more comfortable around other people. I feel she can relate more to other people, and so can I, even though we have tons in common!

 

I have also been having short term memory problems. I have talked to my doctor, and the only answer he can give me is that it is stress and anxiety induced. Yesterday, we were talking about most of this -- about how she didnt want us to be separate on Christmas Day, and how she felt I wanted to be home BECAUSE I didn't want to be with her family -- when she spent our Anniversary abroad, and I felt she was being selfish. And she has admitted this to me, that she is scared of being selfish.

 

It took me time to get comfortable with her past. I am scared that what I am feeling is not right and that things aren't working out. I have lots of fear in me. I know my life is good and I should not complain, but these emotions are troubling me. I cannot tell if my relationship is working for me or not!!! I can't bear the idea that if it does not work out, how hurt she will be, especially given the act she is someone who has not been in many relationships herself. When I look around at our apartment and I think of the small things, like how we are decorating for christmas -- I get incredibly sad and upset because it makes me feel I am a horrible person to have these emotions.

 

I appreciate any advice!!! Thank you!

[LostInMyThoughts]

First of all Adolf Hitler was a horrible person; you're not.

 

We all have a lot ot be thankful for, but that doesn't mean we should accept our situations.

 

You both have legitimate reasons for what you want out of life. She wants to travel, and you would like to be closer to home. It's great that you want to take care of your brother, however, you need to take care of yourself first. That means putting your needs first. If you believe you'll be happier with your girlfriend, then do what it takes to be with her.

 

You might want to think about sharing your feelings with your girlfriend. I think thats one thing most of us in relationships don't do, and it ends up destroying us.

 

It sounds like your girlfriend really meant it when she said your brother could live with you. Don't worry so much about if she is putting her needs aside but make sure you check in with her and ask if she is okay with it. Let her know that you want to support her, and that the door isn't closed for her to travel and live abroad.