Please Read, Advice on New Girl/Ex.

[misery12]

Hey guys.

I posted yesterday stating my concerns about my ex coming back into the picture, 3 months later.

She started talking to me again today, and as I was talking to her, I was talking to this new girl that I am (sort of ) with.. haven't asked her or anything.

 

SO it was sort of weird.

 

My ex seems so changed, like she was when we first started going out.. and this new girl is reallly nice, but it feels somewhat incomplete with her, like im missing something.

 

With my ex, it never felt like that, when I was with her, I felt totally full.

Im not comparing them together by any means, but my ex isn't an open person and she is opening up to me, and wishing we were back together, as she has said to her friend.

 

I don't know what to do.. I know a lot of people would be mad if I went back with my ex, but it's not their feelings, it's not their life, it's mine.

 

I have 2 very supportive best friends, who have been through their share of girl problems too, and give me good advice, but im seeking others.

 

What do you do? Right now im planning on maintaining innocent contact with each of them, and see what happens a little down the road.

 

P.S- this new girl doesn't go to my school, and I only see her a few times a week, compared to my ex who I see everyday.

[Dating Coach]

Your ex is an ex for a reason. Once you two get settled in and confortable again, it will go right back to the way it was. But don't listen to me, or don't listen to the countless people who have already done what you are about to do. Go do it anyway and learn for yourself.

 

Or maybe part of the problem with your current girlfriend is that you don't have closure with this ex. The correct move in this situation would be to completely shut the ex out. Tell her it is over and you will no longer be in contact with her, and that's it. It's for the betterment of you and this innocent girl you are dating now. Do what's right. When you make the decision and take control, then perhaps that feeling of "missing something" will be gone as well because you finally took charge and closed that chapter of your life.

[misery12]

Why does it have to close though?

I don't understand that one thing.. why suddenly if people break up, they have to never talk to them again.

 

It's like, if you mess up on anything else, you just throw it away and forget about it, and drown out your thoughts with memories of someone knew.

 

What's the point..

 

I've tried that, for 3 months.. I didn't talk to her ONCE.. and she consistently contacted me.. I dont know.. maybe I should take your advice, or maybe I shouldn't, and do what feels right at the moment, in the end.. i'll end up doing what fate had planned, I guess.

[DN]

If she wants to get back together with you - why hasn't she mentioned that to you rather than her friend? She has never been reticent about her feelings before.

[misery12]

SHe's a teenage girl.

Most girls I know aren't that open about this.

Plus, she's in the type of position where I wouldn't want to say anything either.. because she thinks I am "with'' this new girl.. and she doesn't want to say anything to me.. but expresses her feelings to her best friend.

 

I don't know what to tell you, It's just a feeling I guess.

[Broken_Doll_ParTs]

Hi misery!

 

Which girl do you really like? Does your ex like you, does she want to give the relationship anther go? If you like her enough you can give it a go, you have nothing to lose!

 

The only thing you need to do is be true to your feelings, people change...For example, Ive changed heaps ever since me and my ex broke up, now we are talking, we might give it a another go, you never know what can happen!!!

 

Good luck

[Dating Coach]

It's not that you have to close the door forever. The reason for doing it now are:

 

1) To help you get over the ex. Being around her isn't helping.

2) To give this new girl the respect she deserves. Me personally, I wouldn't be dating someone who was still wrapped up in/talking to their ex. I think that is disrespectful.

[misery12]

I am not going to shut out my ex. She is a nice girl, and just because we're not going out anymore, doesn't mean that I have to ignore her for the sake of the new girl.

 

I don't expect this new girl to stop talking to her ex, and if it comes to be the case that she liked him again, I would be alright with it as long as she told me straight up.

 

I am not doing anything wrong, In my opinion.

Just talking to a girl, who happens to be my ex girlfriend, and if my feelings say go for her, I might just obey them.

 

I don't know yet, girls are complex, eh.

[SALLY_ANNE]

misery12

 

sounds like you've already made up your mind as to what you're going to do. I am with most people that have posted and think that talking to your ex whilst being in a new relationship is totally disrespectful. you're saying to your new girl hey i kinda like you but if my ex is up for it we'll give it another go. how rude and unfair to the new girl. you need to tell her straight up that you still have feelings for your ex and she can then make a decision whether she wants to keep seeing you or not. if she doesn't i don't blame her-i'd be heading for the hills too. it is so disrespectful of you, not to mention selfish of you because you haven't considered the new girls feelings in this at all. who cares if your ex is a "nice girl" as you put it. if you want to be around her so much then get rid of the girl that your currently with so she isn't mislead as to your feelings and commitment. if you are wrong and non of them want you then that's just a chance you'll have to take. think of others before yourself- you'll get further in life that way.

[jojor]

Imagine (do your best) that you don’t have an opportunity to communicate with them. What do you feel? Do you need somebody? My advice is to have a little break.

[misery12]

You're sudden'y assuming i've taken a step with my ex.

All that i've done so far is in my head, and I don't find that to be disrespectful at all.

 

The minute I start flirtling, and hanging out with my ex, this new girl will be the first to know.

I don't want to say anything now, because I dont even know what im doing. Obviously I am not going to keep this from the new girl because she deserves to know, as would I, but I don't find talking and having thoughts being so called as disrespectful.

 

If I feel that I am pretending with this new girl, and are committing to this ex, I will not drag it on any longer, but for now, I am unsure of as what I should do, so I am not going to do anything. It may turn out I really dont have feelings for my ex, and I want something with this new girl.

 

I see where you're coming from, but you have to realize that I didn't plan this at all.. it just happened, and I didn't even do anything wrong, I just had thoughts, and memories of my ex. My ex has contacted me 3 times since last night, and it feels that since this new girl is at a different school, we don't see each other a lot, and I don't like that.

 

We're not even together, and im not going to make any attempt to progress with her if if I have the intent to eventually hook up with my ex, surely you know me better than that.

[DN]

I am not really clear what the status is with the new girl. Do you consider her a girlfriend or just a potential girlfriend? Perhaps more important is how does she view you?

[misery12]

Potential girlfriend, i'd say.

We hang out a few times a week, (1, or 2)

since she is from a different school.

 

I think she sees us as together, but not quite. I don't know how to explain it.

I didn't want to fully commit, because I wanted to take things slow.

 

Now it seems that no matter how much good I try to do, and how much I try to move on from something, it comes to bite me in the end.

 

I wish things were like they used to, and I feel I have a chance of that, but I am not going to take advantage of that, until I know personally from her that things will not be the same as before, and if they are then i'll leave her.

 

The thing is, if I am willing to committ to my ex, IF... I would be able to let this new girl go. I don't want to be with someone I don't have as strong feelings for as someone else. At this point, I feel that the safest bet is to not do anything, keep innocent conversation with my ex, and see how things progress, while building my relationship with this new girl?

 

I dont know what to do.. you can't blame me for having feelings for a girl, you don't know me, nor any of these girls.. you only know my situation and fill the rest in with your own views.

 

It's difficult to be in this situation, because I like this new girl, but I can't deny that it doesn't feel as right as before. Which is NOBODY'S fault, and I won't take fault for that either. I can't help that my ex came back, and is contacting me.. nor control my feelings.