Here we go again..helpless feeling

[sukerbut]

ok i dont know what triggered it but that helpless feeling is starting to take control over me again after 2 months of break up. things started looking up..i was feeling good..getting my life in order..even giving advice to all the other people suffering out there.. now i feel liek i am backa t square one..i have been training like a warrior..i have been going out..i have been meeting newpeople..i staarted flirting with girls..even went on a date 2weeks ago. SO WHY did this feeling of hoplessness come back to haunt me. it started last weds..i went out .. i cae back home..and i could not stop thinking about me and her..i thought i would snap out of it after turkey day..but now i am just a miserable wreck...i guess she started calling again..2 weeks in a row...like an idiot i talk to her..but i felt good when we spoke..never belittled my self...so last week..i dont get a call..and now i am feeling liek this? What happened to the confidence..what happened to not casring..what happened to she does not deserve me..i ll tell you what happened i picked up the phone and talked to her the last two tiems she called.

to make things worst .. i went out weds..night and ran into her first boy friend and her best friend whom now are casully dating each other..it was too much sensory overload..i wish i stayed home that night..i think that might of did it..seeing her ex and her best friend..i became a drunk mess..great!!! i am just so scared because i want her to call e but i also want to fully start no contact..i also think now that the 2 month mark is setting in and she has not been very aggresive in seeing me..reality is starting to settle into my brain and its driving me crazy...there a re so many strategy's running through my mind..do i cut her off completely..do i love her 100 % like that stupid book..how to get your lover back and make it better...i just dont know what to think any more...i feel alone..i feel hurt and betrayed..i thought i was getting stronger and more confident..which i am but not towards her...i feel like i have regressed to stage 1 again..of course not as bad..but still close to it..DAM IT WHY! ?? i am sucessful good man who loved her with everything that i had..and she humiliated me. she tore my heart out yet again after she falsly made me feel so secure..how ca some one do that.. the problem is that i love her..i love her next to me..she compliments me so well..but what good is that when she cant return that love back to me.. i lost her for 3 years she came back only to crush me yet again..but this time it stings even more..because she made me feel secure and loved..even talked about marriage and children..just to rip me to shreds once again..WHY cantr i HATE this woman..dam WHY?

[theHeat]

suk, The first thing you need to understand is that this healing process is not linear. You may take 3 steps forward and then 2 steps back, but the important thing is to maintain forward progress. It's hard, bro, your situation sounds a lot like mine did. I can tell you this from experience, everytime you see the ex out, pass by the old favorite spots, hear the old song on the radio, whatever...it's like a test. It's friggin hard to deal with, and everytime (especially the first few) it'll seem like you fail it. The good news is, it's the same test everytime. Everytime you take it you get a little better at it. Every additional time you see her, or are in any way reminded of her, it doesn't damage you as much. You're getting stronger with time. It's pretty much, "time heals all wounds" addage. It probably doesn't help much 'cause you feel like crap now, but it is true. You seem to be doing mostly the right things: training, talking to people, going out on dates, ect. Don't stop this. Force yourself to go.

 

I'm not sure what happened btw. you two....Did you guys break up before and then get back together? It seems it's a recurring problem. I'd erase her number, or better yet, change yours. It seems that when she calls, you can't help but to pick up. But if she doesn't have your number, at least the temptation of picknig up the phone will be gone. That's half the battle right there. Then all you have to do is be strong and not call her! Cut her off, bro. You can't convince someone to love you, I don't care what's in those books.

 

The holidays are going to be rough, bud. Being alone for the first time in 3 years is a real shock to the system. Keep up your good habits, drop your bad ones. Don't drink. Drinking + f'ed up emotions = Bad Decisions. I've been there, too. Being a drunken mess in front of her only cements the reasons she doesn't want to be with you, and shows everyone how you deal with your problems. Don't be that guy.

 

I don't know what else to say, man. I'll PM you AIM if you feel like talking.

 

Best of luck

[chaos]

Don't pick up the phone... let her leave a voicemail, email, text msg, IM, whatever... and unless you hear/see the words "I'm sorry, I want to work things out", ignore her!!! Thing is, you're not likely to hear them, and even if you do, would you even want her back after what she did to you?

[J a m e s]

hi sukerbut

 

im feeling the same, we have been finished now for over 3 months and i havent made any contact with her for 7 weeks now.

 

She has contacted me nearly every week but i have ignored it and it seems she has finally stopped contacting me, which is good i suppose but does feel strange. I now feel helpless, as that is the door closed. I was chatting to my friend about her "new guy" which i shouldnt of done, but he said that they dont get on and always argue and it isnt going to last. I think i was better off not knowing this as this is what seems to have triggered me off again.

 

I have been out, had a good time, tried my best to get on and done well i think. But now it is all coming back to haunt me again.

 

3 steps forward, 2 steps back it seems - but thats still progress.

 

I hope you feel better soon, as you are not helpless and stronger than you think i am sure.

[sukerbut]

guys i guess this is going to take some time...it sseems every week i have diffrent emotions running through me...last week i was hopeless..the week before i was trying to be understanding towards her needs and trying to show compassion and love even though i knew she hurt me..i was trying to be the bigger man..this week i am just mad..mad at the fact that she is running around or should i saying ho in around while i ma here grieving for her.. are you kidding me..i am not going to be this womans slave..i am the man..she is a nobody..thats the end of story..i am sure she is not going to have a problem finding another host like me to leech on...but thats her life..and gher insecutritys .. not my problem any more. i started this last night..i know its been only one day but every time i start thinking of her i say F*** that F****G bI**Ch...and suprisingly enough .. i orget about her. good luck to all..i am sure next week i will have another wave of emotions to deal with..thank you for posts..they are all greatly appreciated

[Jut]

Suketbut

Do not pick up that phone. If you feel too weak on weekends then put the phone in your garage or leave it in your car when you go to sleep. But avoide this common mistake. You are healing and this is not a good time to intiate or maintain contact.

[perseverance_rules]

I was in a two year relationship when I found out she was pregnant, then to find out two days later that she had cheated. This has been 5 months now. When I found out what she did I gave her the boot. I didnt look back, but I loved her so dearly. I never once called her to talk things out, or ask why. I gave her that chance that night I found out, and she didnt say much. I dealt with it with NC, even though she is the secretary at my work. I kept my composure around her and never brought it up again. Think about my situation and how hard that is to do, and realize its what you have to do too.

 

Last week, she had a realization about what went on and told me she screwed up, and I agreed. Now she is hurting, not me. Letting the past go and not looking back is the only way to heal. NC helps with this. It does two things. One, you get over things on your own, without explanations. Two, they might realize how they hurt you, and want you back. If too much time has passed, you get to make that decision, and the ball becomes in your court.