Insecure or what?

[lovecrazy]

Umm lets see. My boyfriend have been together for about a year now. He is great for the most part!

 

Now for some reason I am insecure with his exgirlfriend calling. Because for some reason I feel he still cares for her, and if we were to break up he would get back wtih her without a second thought!

 

Well background info.

 

They dated before us for a few months and he said mostly it was just sex!

He also said he missed her friendship!

 

I have told him before I didnt feel comfortable with her calling, but she keeps popping up. As far as I can tell he hasnt been calling her, maybe talking to her online or something. Not sure!

 

Also she called yesterday, and he wouldnt pick up the phone. So I picked it up answered, she asked to speak with him. And handed him the phone, they said hey, then he said he couldnt talk because I didnt want them speaking. So they got off the phone.

 

Then he turned to me and said "You are so cute, becuase you get jealous"

 

And I told/asked or demanded (not really sure how want to look at it)

He tel her to stop calling, he said no, you should have told her!

 

And he said "he wont tell anyone to stop calling" I asked "WHY" he said"its bs or something"

 

What I dont get is why he cant tell her to stop calling, because its unfair, or pride, or he still has feelings.

 

Now I had a problem about 3 months ago, he posted on a website. "I miss you just so you know

 

He posted that on her blog page. That made me feel uncomfortable, so he said he just meant it as friend.

 

that still didnt sit easy with me.

 

Am I over reacting or what?

 

I have had trust issues in the past, but the thing is I dont feel insecure with any other girl! But his ex. WHY?

 

He flirts and talks to other girls? Why is it just this girl?

 

And I am honestly thinking of just telling him either he stops talking to her, or Im gone, cause he may not cheat but I still dont wantt o have to worry about it!

 

What is wrong with me?

[sukerbut]

i suggest you stand up for yourself..i regret i did not...my ex was the same way..always keeping contact with her exs! towards the end it got to the point were i was losing my mind..she called it insecurity..i called it no respect for me...well to make a long story short i showed weekness and she dumped me...if he cant stop talking to his ex for you..then there is no mutualk respect or love on his part..how can my ex tell me i love you so much and talking about marriage...when she is still derespecting me by keeping contact with the old flames in her life...do yourself a favor and confront him..be preapred to leave the relationship if he sais anything than you want to hear..i am being serious..dump him or prepared to be on this web site very soon..on the healing after the break up threads...RESPECT yourself if you want to be respected..i did not and now i am here two monmths later feeling used abused and even more insecure

[Vanilla]

i still talk to my ex boyfriend- but ONLY and ONLY because is is like a BROTHER to me now and ONLY and ONLY because my boyfriend knows him very well and is extremely fond of my ex and they like eachother very much. Had my current boyfriend told me he found it uncomfortable or disrespectful I would have immidiately stopped the keeping in touch.

 

What your boyfriend is doing is really rude and he should stand up for your wishes- because you are not asking much at all. It is absolutely fair and normal.

 

It sounds like he likes his ex calling and then he likes you getting pissed over it. That is just disrespectful- dont let anyone tell you its insecurities..it is not...it is completely justified.

[lovecrazy]

well we talked it over, and for some reason he will not tell ANYONE to stop calling!

 

But he said he wont answer the phone when she calls...

 

I told him if she does call we will have major problems again! And if he calls her its over!

 

I am not about to have my boyfriend calling an ex! Friend or no friend1

 

(If they were friends I might be understanding)

 

I am sorry but they are ex's for a reason, leave them in the past!

 

Unless its something like what vanilla said!

[Vanilla]

I agree with you. I find it extremely odd he continues to speak to her although you have repeated told him it buggs you- its lack of respect and I am glad to see you are standing firm and making yourself be respected.

 

You are now the woman in his life, and like I said before- you are not asking for much at all.

 

I am sure he'd throw a fit if you were friendly with one of your ex's that he did not approve of.

 

Like I said, if my boyfriend wasnt good friends iwthmy ex and fond of him, I would have cut the cord a while back just because I respect and love my partner.

[lovecrazy]

Well like I will complain about it, and she will go away, then somehow she will come back!!! That is what I dont get, as far as I know it's her calling him!

 

I was like ok you dont have to tell her to stop calling you can change our number!

 

He said no to both!

 

Well I have told plenty of old guy friends to stop calling me, becuase they were disrespectful towards my boyfriend. And the guys I do talk to I tell him about that day! I even told him you want to check here is my phone! Have at it! I have nothing to hide!

[heyguys]

i think it bad that he doesnt agree to tell her to stop calling. he said he wont answer but that is a bit hard to believe. i mean, he answered her call in front of you yes to tell her he cant talk, but he answered it bottom line, like if her call was important. i would more suspicious or hurt about the post he made on her blog. he said he missed her! friendship or not, that is not acceptable under the conditions you are trying to set. he contacted her by doing that, and you made it clear you wanted none of that. i would keep my eyes open with him. you dont have to break up, he may be honest about this and really see her as a friend and not a threat to you, but be aware of any other things he does. dont comprimse ur wants and needs as his current gf.

[lovecrazy]

I answered the phone when she called. And gave him the phone! Why I dont know. I guess to see how he would react. Honestly If I see that she called again, and they talked them I am done. I am not going to deal with worrying, when he wont do anything.

 

Out of respect for him if he wanted me to stop talking to a guy, that he didnt feel comfortable with, then I would. I have!

 

I am giving it a little bit more time! Hopefully it will all work out!

[lovecrazy]

I got a PM from this gentlemen! A guy defending another guy? Or him actually trying to offer advice? Hmmm I do see his side. But WHAT ABUSE am I giving my boyfriend?

[mandy_n_jut]

I had the same problem awhile ago with my bf's ex girlfriend. Even up to almost a year after we'd been together, she would still call him. He knew that I didn't like this. And I made it very clear to him that this upset me, and that I didn't want him talking to her anymore, Trust me I had good reason, looooong story. But I was there when he called her and he told her that he didn't want her to call anymore cause it upset me, and that if it upsets me then it has to stop. She is engaged too, and still called my bf. When he told her not to call anymore she cried. Its like wth, if she didn't still have feelings for him, she wouldn't have cried. Anyway, she hasn't called since.

[lovecrazy]

Well its been about two weeks since the last time his ex called, so we are doing good!